The New Guy

Kelly took this great photo of the kitty who adopted us.
We call him "Mu." It's because he's black and white,
like a cow (get it? Moo?) and because that's
what he says when he meows.
He will officially become an "it" on Monday.

Valentines from the Lord

I worked at the Bishop's Storehouse this morning...I can't think of a better way to spend any day. I was trying to show my love for the Lord, and instead he took the opportunity to show his love for me, through the whole day.

Naturally, being with my kids and preparing a little Valentine treat for them felt really good, and I felt so blessed by their love for me, as well. In addition, the Lord blessed me with a beautiful day with active skies. My eyes are always on the skies, and I love to see clouds moving across them. Secondly, even though I got a late start leaving from the storehouse because the delivery truck was blocking me in, the Lord blessed me with clear traffic and a speedy arrival at the school, and I was able to get to class on time. (A fortunate thing since my 10 am professor is a stickler for timeliness...he deducts points if we are late!) I worked and studied during my lunch at school, and because it's so noisy in the Student Union, I was listening to the Mormon channel on my iPad, and the music kept reminding me of all my blessings and of my Savior's love, especially when my favorite song, Come Thou Fount, played not just once, but twice. Then on my way to class, I was informed that my afternoon class was cancelled. Woohoo! I went home and made taco salad for the kids and I, and it was delicious. Then after dinner, Kelly and I went to see Laine's school musical...Seussical, Jr. They rocked their performance!

I'm so grateful for the love I feel in my life each day. Even when it seems like things pretty much suck all around, or I'm feeling like a failure, he finds a way to reach me. It's such a humbling feeling.

Feeling it

Today I was thinking about how blessed I feel. I thought about what a great home teacher I have...Bro. Peterson worked eight hours straight cutting up the branches that Patrick cut down from the trees on Saturday. I have no words for the gratitude I feel. I still need to dispose of the branches (if only I had a chipper/shredder!) but at least the house is out of danger. I'm so grateful for the friendship of Bro. Peterson and his wife, Kelly, who is a dear friend of mine.

I was also thinking about what a great Bishop we have. This struck me on Sunday as I was talking with the primary kids about choosing the right, and I mentioned the Bishop. One little boy who is new to our church asked what a bishop was, and then asked WHO he was. I described him, and he asked, "Is he mean?" I busted up laughing, and felt completely confident when I said, "Absolutely not! I love the Bishop!" He has blessed my life and that of my children immeasurably. When I think of him, I feel humbled by his service and pleased by the love he shows to the youth of our ward and to the children.

I've also been thinking about our relief society president and her sisters who recently lost their mother. Knowing Annika and Melanie has truly blessed me. Both are great examples to me and always offer encouraging words and positive thoughts whenever I see them. I consider both of them friends, even though I feel like I can't give nearly as much as I receive in the friendships. I don't know Kara as well, but I'm looking forward to getting to know her better as time goes on.


I went to the Bishop's storehouse this morning to work, and was there to witness two new service missionaries who were called to the Bishop's storehouse. This couple has been very faithful about driving from Bakersfield every Tuesday, and I've been blessed to work with them frequently in the last few months. I thought about the spiritual thought that Bro. Scoffield shared with us last week, and I find it still touches me as I ponder the "angels" that I get to serve along side of and learn from each week that I go. I find a little slice of joy each time I serve there.

Brother Scoffield asked me last week why I didn't stay home and study instead of serving in the storehouse. There aren't sufficient words to explain how much I love serving there, but I did tell him that I think of it like tithing. I can never give more money to the Lord than he returns to me tenfold in blessings. The same is true of my time. I can never give the Lord more in service than he returns to me in blessings. I find I study better and do better in my classes when I remember to serve others. And having been a recipient of the blessings of the storehouse materially and spiritually, I can only feel peace about spending my time there.

Thankfully

I think I've said before that Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. I love having a holiday dedicated to counting our blessings! I feel so blessed, and this year I have felt especially aware of the kindnesses of others as well as the tender mercies of my Father in Heaven. He knows me and provides things in his wisdom that he knows I need. This month, I have felt that he has answered my prayers very specifically in several regards. I have confidence that I can trust him. My heart has been touched several times in just the last week.

Some specific gratitude:
--First, that Erin and Nick made the drive safely from Davis, arriving at 4 a.m.
--Second, that all of my children are safe at home with me and all together for Thanksgiving for the first time in several years.
--For the men who fixed my heater yesterday, and for the friend who arranged it. An unexpected blessing!
--For the friends who shared our meal...Keith Levery, JoAnn, and Keith's roommate (and our new friend) Darrel. (JoAnn will be invited every year since she LIKES doing dishes! Ahh---I'm just teasing. I invite her every year because she's great company!)
--For good health and healthy bodies for my children.
--Last week, I was having such a tough time keeping it together and my good friend Keith Lawniczak brought by a fabulous lasagna dinner, salad and yummy bread that kept my family fed for more than two days.
--I'm so grateful for our home and the land around it!
--I'm thankful for education and the opportunities it will give me and my children.
--I'm so glad for our pets, who are an extension of our family.
--I'm thankful for my faith and all of the richness it provides in my life.
--Most importantly, I'm grateful for my Savior and his loving example of all that I should strive to be. It will probably take me an eternity of striving to become anything like him, but I refuse to give up.
--I'm grateful for this week of service at the storehouse and for one of the most special experiences I have had at the Bishop's storehouse on Wednesday.
--On a personal note, I'm thankful for the privilege of knowing and loving the Scoffield family.
--For men like David DeButts and Bill Scoffield, who teach my young men about being men of God, and teach my young ladies about the qualities that are most important in a future spouse.
--For the scriptures, especially 2 Nephi 4:15-35.
--I feel so blessed to be able to see and experience the beautiful earth and all it's glories! I can't wait to see the world when it has been restored to its perfect form...it's already more beautiful than my heart can take sometimes.
--What would I do without the internet and the ability to stay connected with friends and family around the world?
--We are blessed every day by the leadership in our church at all levels!
--We are thankful for the men and women who serve in the armed forces, and their families for giving up so much so that the rest of us can have so many freedoms and blessings.
--We are so blessed to live in the USA!
--For my friend Tom, who I've loved since high school, and who always pops back into my life (over the phone) at just the perfect moments with encouragement, friendship and joy.
--I have wonderful friends!

My list could go on forever. Gratitude is what keeps my heart turning back to the Lord. I hope each of you have a blessed and tender Thanksgiving!

Vacation Week!

The kids are glad to start their week off for Thanksgiving vacation. Each of them have projects they are supposed to be working on this week for school. The girls still have piano lessons and Johnny has to get ready for his first concert performance coming up in early December. Then there's the dreaded holiday homework.

I myself have class today and tomorrow (though tomorrow's classes are online at my leisure and I won't have to go anywhere!). I have a ton of homework and quizzes that I intend to do ahead of time so that I can start getting ready for finals. I also have a lot of reading to do for the national foundation I sit on the board of. Our conference call is happening a week from Tuesday.

Kelly has a date today. Can I just say, "Yikes!" Her second one with the same boy since she turned 16. Tuesday and Wednesday, we'll be working at the Bishop's storehouse. The kids have been looking forward to it.

We'll probably stay on a bit of a routine...not let the kids sleep in too late and keep them off of the computer for most of the day. We have a ton of projects to work on at home, too...not the least of which is restoring order to the boys' room. I'd like to paint their bathroom this week and investigate how to put tile backsplash up behind their sink in the bathroom. I also need to finish the unfinished bookshelf I purchased and move things around in their bedroom so that it will be easier in the future for them to keep things orderly.

And as the leaves are beginning to fall from the trees, we'll be busy working on yard work as well. We have mowing, edging, and weeding to do. The chicken coop needs a good cleaning (no more eggs till spring because my chickens are too old.). I'm debating about whether or not to eat the chickens...or rather, let others eat them since my kids probably wouldn't.

For thanksgiving, we invited our good friend Keith and his roommate and several others who might not have a place to go for the holiday. We'll be eating early so that Erin and Nick can join us if they would like. I haven't had the kids at my house for Thanksgiving in about 5 years, so it feels a little weird to be celebrating ON thanksgiving. I've been the person without a place to go on Thanksgiving for several years, though last year my friends Kelly and Dave invited me to their family's home in Visalia.

I'm sure we won't get to do everything we planned. And I'm hoping that there will be lots of unplanned moments of joy!

Tuesdays at the Storehouse

This month, we celebrate thanksgiving. Of all the holidays, this one is my second favorite (for inquiring minds, Easter is my favorite!). Although I still need work on expressing gratitude, I love that we have a holiday that is about being grateful. I feel I have been so richly blessed by the Lord in all areas of my life. I really have no right to complain at all about my life, even though I do from time to time. Maybe more than I should.

Yesterday in the mail I received a newsletter from the Poverello House. In the newsletter, they discussed the programs and opportunities for families and individuals that find themselves in tough circumstances or homeless. They also discussed street corner beggars. As I read through this material, I thought about all I take for granted. I complain about all the repairs and hard work I have to do in my home, or the yard work that needs to be done on my property. Yet, I have a home to live in with space to spare, unlike so many others. I complain about having to plan, cook and clean up after meals, yet my children and I have plenty to eat and some to share. I could go on and on about all that I grumble about. I need to improve!

When I went to the Bishop's storehouse today, as I try to do every Tuesday, I had a another learning experience. As I saw the familiar faces of my friends at the storehouse, my heart was lifted in joy. Although completely out of it at moments from staying up nearly all night to study, I felt so happy for the opportunity to serve those who have less, people I may never meet, but to whom my little bit of service can bring some relief and peace. I treasure my time there because it helps me to repay the tiniest portion of all that I have been blessed with. It reminds me that man "does not live by bread alone" but having a full tummy helps people to focus on the words of Christ and living a good life. Serving at the storehouse blesses me on another level, too...it keeps depression and darkness at bay as I lose myself in the work. I only wish I could do more to help others, but this small offering still provides me with perspective and peace.

Why I Love Primary

On Sunday, we did a special sharing time where we had four stations set up and smaller groups of kids moved from station to station. Each station had a teacher/leader assigned to bear witness about how our prayers were answered. One was about how a prayer had been answered during conference or through living prophets. Another was how a prayer had been answered through another person. The third was how a prayer had been answered through the scriptures. The fourth was a testimony of how God always hears our prayers.

During the time when junior primary was in sharing time, I went with a particular group so that I could stay with Carson, who has autism and needs a little extra support from time to time.  We circled through group one and two, and he was quiet, but definitely very interested in hugging my leg and sitting on my lap. It seemed like he wasn't listening very much, but I could tell he was a little because of how he reacted from time to time. When we went to the third group, Holly was talking with the kids about the scriptures, and she asked whose words were in the scriptures. Nobody volunteered an answer, and she turned and asked Carson, "Whose words are in the scriptures?" In her hands, she held the open scriptures. Carson suddenly sat up in my lap, touched the pages of the scriptures, and said very sweetly and clearly, "Jesus Christ." I felt the rush of the spirit and tears immediately sprang to my eyes. I love that little boy!!

And that is why I love primary. A little boy's words can make me want to devour the scriptures. His words can make me feel the rush of the spirit. His love can help me feel the Savior's love. His simple faith can touch my heart.

Primary rocks!

Being Alone

I was talking with someone once about my desire to find a companion. Her comment to me was that I should accept that I may never marry again in this life. Way to encourage a girl, huh?

When I first separated from my husband, I thought I would never remarry. Too much work. Too much trouble. I've got a track record of choosing people that are mean, whether they intend to be or not. I couldn't imagine dating. At that point in my life, I was barely holding myself together enough to manage my children and I.

In fact, one of my acquaintances in the church heard that I was getting divorced, and she told me that I shouldn't go through with it. I had never discussed my situation with her, and I don't know what she thought she knew about it, but I was curious enough to ask her why she thought I shouldn't. She told me that I wouldn't have anyone to care for me when the children were gone. Without even thinking about it, I told her that my faith was enough, my relationship with God was enough, and I didn't need to stay married or get remarried in order to be happy.

I am happy to report that I was right - and wrong. It is true that our relationship with our Father in Heaven and Jesus Christ strengthens us and sustains us, through trials, temptations, loneliness, despair. It is true that we can be happy if we are doing the right things, with or without a companion. In fact, if our relationship with God is amiss, then all of our other relationships are in jeopardy, so creating a strong relationship with Him is essential.

However, I was also wrong. My bishop at the time discussed with me what my plan was for my life. He encouraged me to stay strong in the faith, to date, fall in love and marry at the appropriate time. I told him in no uncertain terms that I didn't think I could do that, didn't want to do that and maybe didn't even need to do that, that my relationship with God was enough. He always had his scriptures ready, this wonderful man. He whipped them out, opened them up and had me read from Genesis 2, and in Moses, and in Abraham. All three said the same thing...essentially God had created men and women to be together, that it wasn't "good that man should be alone." He advised me to think about the proclamation on the family, about what I knew from the temple, and to put all of this together in my heart. He encouraged me to pray about it and think about the example I was setting for my children.

Even years after this conversation, I felt conflicted. I thought perhaps that my loneliness and desire to be with a companion might be stemming from a lack of faith. I finally told told God that I was lonely, and he said, "Duh, you idiot! You're sitting at home alone or with your kids. Are you expecting me to send someone to your door?" Okay, okay. He didn't really say that, that's just my interpretation. In other words, he was telling me to do what I could to create opportunities where he could  bring people into my life. Once I overcame this hurdle and started actively seeking friendships and relationships with others, I still frequently got (and still get) confronted with the realities of dating at my age. Most of the men I have talked to who are my age are looking for younger, blonde, beautiful, skinny women with no baggage.

Um, yeah...good luck with that.

I own a mirror. A big one. And even though I try to avoid looking into it as much as possible, I know I'm not particularly young anymore, or beautiful, or skinny. As for baggage...well, if you're a reader of my blog you know!

Nevertheless, I decided to take God at his word...attend some functions, accept any and all reasonable invitations, and not set limits on who God might have in store for me. I am not particularly brave either, but I have a friend who had been encouraging me to attend some single adult activities for our church, and I had been resisting. I finally told him I would go to some activities, and I discovered, after the initial terror had passed, that it was a great place to make friends and find others who are going through some of the same struggles that I have been. Most of the people who attend are women, but there are a few men. I've even been asked out a few times, by older men. (I tend to prefer older guys anyway.)

I've asked a few men out, too. Most of the time, I get rejected. In fact, people trying to publish books probably get fewer rejections than me. It's easy to believe I'm not good enough, pretty enough, smart enough for anyone to take an interest in. I've been on the verge of giving up several times and just staying at home watching Netflix videos until my brains fall out.

However, I am trying my best to believe that God's promises are sure, even for me. I am trying to live my life in a way that qualifies me to receive those blessings. I will obey and keep my heart open to whatever his plan might be. It's surprising how much courage it takes to keep it up.

Missionary Farewell Oct 16

Today was a wonderful day! I was really looking forward to church and I was not disappointed. The talks by the Rasmussen's were beautiful, focusing on how we can receive personal revelation and confirmation through the spirit. After sacrament meeting, the primary was in the chapel and we went through our primary program. Several times, the spirit was very strong, and the presidency felt the children singing with all their hearts. I hope that happens again on Sunday with the whole congregation!

In the afternoon, Kelly received her patriarchal blessing, which was a wonderful experience. I can't share it, of course, because it isn't mine to share. Suffice to say that it was an experience I'll never forget!

Later that evening, I attended the missionary farewell for two missionaries who served our ward and our family well while they were here in Fresno... Elder Tuaitano and Elder Casper. The first half of the farewell testimony meeting is from individuals invited by the missionaries, and the second half is composed of testimonies of the missionaries. Because I knew very few people who were speaking, I simply wrote down thoughts that jumped out at me as I felt the spirit.

From the invitees: Jesus Christ is our loving Savior. The Book of Mormon is a true and living testimony of Jesus Christ. Because of the gospel, we are no longer alone, no longer lost, and if we look to the temple, we can be closer to God and closer to our family. Trust in him with all your heart. Remember that making mistakes is not the end...it's the beginning. (I particularly loved that comment! Repentance and putting our Faith in Christ means that we can start over, anytime, anywhere.)

From all the missionaries: Being a missionary changes lives. If a missionary has impacted your life, thank Heavenly Father more than the missionaries, because they are acting in his behalf, imperfectly but with the Spirit. This church is the only way home. Love for the gospel is deeper than any other thing in our souls, and it should be. The Lord prepares his missionaries...he also prepares people for his missionaries to teach.

Elder Tuaitano: Heavenly Father puts people where they are because of the people in their lives, and we are meant to be in each other's lives. (Wasn't I just talking about this not long ago with someone dear to my heart?) Change is possible and the atonement is real!

Elder Casper: You can draw closer to the Lord than you know. The gospel changes people. The Spirit is what converts people, not missionaries. The only real regret I (elder C) have is that I can't stay longer. Christ leads the church.

President Gelwix spoke as well, and drew our attention to D&C 138:56 and Alma 53: 20-21. Missionaries are personal representatives of the Lord Jesus Christ. He tells his missionaries to live each day with no regrets and it's true for each of us...work your hardest, love your best, come home dog tired each day.  He gave one word descriptions of each of the missionaries. For Elder T. he said his word was driven...he never met anyone who worked harder toward his goals. For Elder C. the word he used was humble, that he was always touched by Elder Casper's humility and love for others. He issued a challenge to pray, "Lord, who have YOU already prepared that I should invite?" and then once we know who the Lord would invite, that we should then pray, "To what should I invite them?"

I'm so thankful for such a wonderful day!

Fall!

It's here! The first day of Fall! Now that fall has officially begun, I can hardly contain myself. This is my favorite time of year in nearly every respect. I'm hoping that the change in seasons will brighten my mood and help me be happier.

I love fall leaves and fall color, as well as the flowers that thrive in the fall. I love pumpkins (and pumpkin muffins and pumpkin pie and pumpkin bread!). Doesn't the air just smell different in the fall? (And I'm not talking about the winery!) It's fun getting out of bed and thinking that I need socks, or toward evening, hunting in my closet for that first sweatshirt of the season. It's fun sitting on the couch drinking hot chocolate with a blanket to keep me warm (though that one would be MUCH better if I had someone to snuggle with!). One of the things I think is most beautiful is the fall sky, with clouds that drift across and catch both light and color. Making the first fire in our wood stove warms my heart as well as the house.

I hope this fall is filled with good things!

Making Pumpkin Muffins

Johnny informed me that he needs a large can for something at his school this week. An empty can, to be precise. By tomorrow morning, to be even more precise. So in rummaging in our cabinets, I've discovered I have two options: Enchilada Sauce, or canned pumpkin.

And while enchiladas are one of life's best pleasures, I've decided to make pumpkin muffins, in honor of the fall that I wish were here already. I'm anxious for the senescence that brings with it crimson, yellow, purple and red. Great big leaf piles perfect for watching my kids jump into (while they're still young enough to want to!). Beautiful dynamic skies with clouds that visit just long enough to remind us that summer has left the building. The occasional camping trip that breaks up the monotony of school days. The beauty of a season that continues to shout in the perfect symphony of color that God is real and that he loves us. I'm longing for the smell of chili, soups and stews and that special scent that comes with autumn. Perfect temperatures...no longer hot enough to bake apple pies on my patio, and just enough cool to require the occasional sweatshirt and socks.

Yes, if I bake some muffins, I might just survive until fall.

Psychology of Disability

One of my classes is called the Psychology of Disability. I've been enjoying this class for a few reasons. First of all, the instructor starts the class with a story about a person with a disability. What I love about these stories is that they reflect more about the "ability" than the "disability," meaning they show the capacity of people who are really determined to adapt and overcome even the most difficult circumstances. It makes me think, could I do that?

One of the interesting things about this class is that we kicked off the new semester with our final. Yup, you read correctly...we took our final on the second day of class. Essentially, the final consisted of assessing our own understanding of the terminology and philosophies of disability. We discussed terms like exceptionality and somatopsychological (how the whole person - body and soul- are affected by disability). We also considered how some persons with disability viewed able-bodied people...as TAB. TAB means temporarily able bodied. The point in this perspective is that most of us are or will be challenged by one form of disability or another in our lifetimes...illnesses, diseases, physical and mental disabilities that affect us personally are prime examples. And as we age, we encounter more and more "disability" as our bodies no longer function the way they used to. Further, most of us will deal with the disabilities of loved ones as we progress through this life.

Interestingly enough, there are heated debates among those who have disabilities about a variety of issues. Where the participants of these debates stand depends on various factors...were they born with their disability, or did it happen to them later in life (and what was the age of onset)? What type of disability do they have? Does it cause pain? The stability of the disability matters in their perspective...do they progressively get worse? Is it better some days than others? What functions were impaired and how severely? Naturally there are a variety of internal factors that affect their perspective as well. Personality, self-image and their mental state are some obvious considerations. The person's inner resources and/or a spirituality or philosophy can color their view of their disability and affect how they adapt.

All of us, regardless of how well our physical or mental capacities operate, are people with intrinsic worth and value. We all have emotions and need some of the same things...love, companionship, care. We all desire to be useful and to varying degrees, perform our best. The primary thing that attracts me to the field of psychology is the remarkable capacity we have as people to overcome life's difficulties. The sheer resilience of people astounds me. It's an exciting time for me as I try to absorb all of the material I am learning.

Here's a quote to finish off this post, and it reflects the power of the mind--it can trap us or uplift us. What we think about or what we dwell on becomes our reality.

"To worry about what you don't have, is to waste what you do have." - Ken Keyes

Changes

Well, this Sunday brought with it some changes. I have been released from my calling as the Faith in God leader for girls. For those of you not in the church, for the past five years I have been helping the young ladies ages 8 to 11 to work on developing talents, serving others and learning and living the gospel every other week. It's a calling I love. We've made candy, visited homebound ward members, read the scriptures, done service projects, learned about exercise and (tried) how to conduct music. We've done a host of other projects, too, and I learned as much as the girls did!

Now the Lord has called me to serve in the Primary Presidency as the second counselor. I still get to see my "Faith in God" girls every Sunday as well as all the other children in primary (age 3 to age 12), and I'm sure the Lord has some important things for me to learn in this new calling. I'm so grateful to serve in whatever capacity I am asked. Since I first joined the church I've believed the leaders of the church were called of God so why would I ever turn down any calling? In this case, I will have the opportunity to work with some of the finest ladies I know, including Holly Ensign, a dear friend who is such an example to me!

I'll miss all of my dear friends in Relief Society, most especially the singing and the Spirit that's there, but I know there will be joy serving where I am called, and I'm looking forward to it!

Advancing

Joe had an interview with the Bishop yesterday to advance in the priesthood...he'll be moving from a deacon to a teacher on July 10th, the Sunday after Scout camp is over. He has asked Bro. DeButts, a ward member that Joe looks up to and admires, to do the ordination, and he has graciously agreed.

Joe turns 14 tomorrow. Joe is such an honorable young man...he always tries to do his duty. He's honest and kind. He has a clear conscience because he does what he is supposed to, and doesn't do what he isn't supposed to. He even helps his siblings do the same.

I'm blessed to be his mom!!

My Dad

I'd like to introduce you to one of the smartest people I know...my dad! I know he's smart because he married my mom. (He's also smart in other ways.) He's a quiet man, who talks a lot more once he knows someone well, but still talks less than most people.

My dad was a marine briefly, and after he left the marines, he went into civil service and worked on the base. When I was a kid, I thought my dad could fix anything. He was a heavy duty mechanic when I was young, and later was trained to be a radar maintenance technician. Some of my earliest memories involve visiting him on the base in San Diego. I remember looking out the back window at these tall men in uniforms who smiled at me as we drove through the gates. I also remember sitting in some kind of cafe on base with my dad and my mom, eating french fries with tons of ketchup. Everyone was so nice to me that I thought my dad must be really important. I stole my dad's french fries when he wasn't looking.

Later, when he was attending a community college near our home in 29 Palms, I remember driving to the college to pick him up once when the wind was blowing really hard, I think because he was worried about riding his motorcycle in the strong winds. When we returned home, the wind had blown part of our roof off and bent our CB antenna on the house. I remember worrying about my dad who I could hear walking around on the roof that night, trying to do some damage control.

I have been impressed with him all my life for his careful, thoughtful manner. He didn't get mad easily, but when he did get mad, watch out! It seemed like his eyes would change from blue to green when he was mad.

From my dad, I learned to love and respect motorcycles. I learned from him to clean the top of the refrigerator, how to peel potatoes, that a kitchen wasn't clean if you just washed the dishes...you had to wipe off the stove and clean the counters. He instilled in me to change my oil frequently...so much so that when my car's indicator tells me it's time to change my oil, I get extremely upset if I go past the indicated mileage and envision my car melting down in the middle of the highway from lack of maintenance. My dad also taught me to be a critical thinker...just because television or the news says it's so, doesn't mean it is. He taught me to be realistic and pragmatic. Life is hard, and most of the time, life doesn't work out the way you want it to, but that doesn't mean you should just give up.

My dad loved electronics...any technology in fact. He always wanted the most recent technological toys. He started his own repair and sales business for electronics and CB radios. His shop was in our garage in our back yard. I remember working with my dad in his shop when I had a science fair coming up. My dad helped me to make a sound synthesizer. I learned how to read a schematic, all about circuit boards, how to solder, what makes switches work, and all sorts of other things about electronics. My dad also taught me basic programming.

My dad was always a hard worker. He spent his time supporting his family and doing home and car repairs. He had a lot of strength, too. I remember one holiday when my parents were making turkey, my dad took the turkey out of the oven and the pan collapsed. Hot oil and liquid spilled onto his legs and feet. He carefully put the turkey back into the oven, closed the oven door, and walked to the bathroom where he filled up the tub with cold water and ice and took care of his injuries. I don't remember him saying a word during the accident. I'm sure it hurt terribly.

These days, my dad is retired from civil service. He still works part time at a tire shop and still fixes things. He looks after my mom. He and my mom go every Sunday to the continuing care to visit their friends who live there, to play games and to talk. He is a wonderful father, and I love him very much!

Another Love Story

My children Kelly and Joseph are 21 months apart and have been close since Joe was first born. Kelly held him just moments after he was born. She immediately took to calling him JoJo, "bubba Joe" or "Boo Boo." To this day, she still calls him "Boo Boo." Kelly did most of the talking when Joe was a baby. This was probably a good thing, because although Joe didn't start talking (except names) until he was about two and a half, once he did start talking, he began speaking in complete sentences and rarely stopped. She sang him songs and dragged him around the house to where ever she wanted to play.

As they got a little older, it became evident that Joe was just as loyal to Kelly. An example of this was that when Kelly was on time out (quite a frequent occurence with Kelly), Joe would sit by her and stay on time out with her until she was done. If I took away a privilege, like dessert or swimming, Joe would refuse his privilege, too. It made it a bit complicated as a parent, because I knew that if I disciplined Kelly, Joe would suffer, too. Kelly always shared everything she had with Joe. She drew him pictures to make him smile and laugh. While Kelly's mercurial moods made her angry sometimes with Joe, Joe never once was angry with Kelly. He was patient and would wait for her to be done yelling, and then he would lean over and smile up at her, and all was fixed again.

Kelly did not like hugging or cuddling much when she was little. SHE would choose when she wanted to be hugged or cuddled. Joe was the opposite. I think when he was little, he must have felt that if he couldn't touch someone, he would disappear, because he was always very close to me, Kelly or Erin, and holding on to our clothes, arms, necks, etc. With Joe, Kelly was much more tolerant, and let him hug her and lean on her and be close to her without too much complaint.

These two children developed a pattern of talking and sharing that was unique to them. It was as if they had their own language. They would talk and laugh so fast together, it was like listening to a river. They would laugh and giggle at things only they could understand. I used to call it the Kelly and Joseph show. The younger kids all slept in the same room until Joe was 5 and Kelly was 7, when the girls all moved in together and the boys got their own room. Kelly and Joe would keep talking until Joe fell asleep. (He always fell asleep first.)  When they changed rooms, I still couldn't keep the two apart. I would always have to chase Kelly back to her room.

Even now that they are older, Kelly and Joe are just as close. Kelly still drags Joe around with her when she wants to talk with him. They still adore each other. When they are together, they talk incessantly. I bust up laughing in hilarity when I hear the two of them talking, because they're always thinking of crazy things and making up voices for the dogs, cats, and other animals. Even though Joe doesn't always go along with Kelly anymore, he's still Kelly's biggest fan.

When Joe was being teased and harassed in seventh grade because of his social anxiety/awkwardness, Kelly would tell Joe what to do or not to do so kids wouldn't tease him. Kelly's social skills were always excellent, and she used this to help Joe. Recently Joe went to his first dance. She gave him pointers...don't just say no (even though you're terrified), always smile at someone who asked you to dance, try to talk about something while you're dancing, say thank you when you're done. She looked out for him, and made sure only nice girls would dance with him. She snapped a photo of him during his first dance and sent it to me on my phone.

I delight in the love these two have for each other. I consider myself to be very lucky because all of my kids just adore each other most of the time. I think Joe has helped Kelly just as much as Kelly has helped Joe. Without Joe, Kelly might not have been able to form close connections with others to the degree that she is able to today. And without Joe's patience with Kelly, she might have spent a LOT more time on time-out. I also think his natural empathy has made Kelly more concerned for others than she might have been without her brother.

It's a love story born in heaven. These two were meant to be each other's strength on this earth. It's such a delight to see them together!

Eternal Things

This week has been EFY at home - meaning that instead of the kids traveling to Utah or somewhere else, they stay here in Fresno and have the same program but sleep at home every night. There are classes, scripture study, singing, games, fun, dancing...they keep the kids so busy that they come home exhausted and happy. So from 9a to 9p, Joe and Kelly have been spending their time at the West Stake Center.

Dropping them off every day and picking them up every night is so much fun, mostly because I get to see our beautiful temple every day. The people who take care of the grounds of the temple do such an amazing job! And it lifts my heart to know the good work that takes place inside those well-loved walls. I think of all the people who work to make our small little temple so beautiful and pleasant, but mostly I am grateful to the Lord that he saw fit to give our area its own temple. I remember driving with the kids every week to the temple grounds as it was being built. I have a photo of the kids (Kelly and Joe) turning over a shovel-full of dirt for the temple. We would go to the temple every Sunday after church to see what progress had been made. I remember watching with Kelly, Joe, and Laine (who was just a baby) as the angel Moroni was put on the top of the spire. And I remember vividly the dedication of the temple, and seeing the prophet Gordon B Hinckley, the only prophet I had ever seen in person. I also remember visiting the temple grounds and doing sessions in the midst of one of the most difficult periods of my life, and the peace and love I felt there.

I'm looking forward to Laine turning twelve on July 5th. She will be old enough to visit the temple for the first time and do baptisms for the dead. Then I will be able to be within the walls of the temple with three of my children! (Well, four if Erin and Nick were closer!) I imagine how it will be when all four of the younger group can attend. I think of Erin and Nick getting sealed someday soon. I think of the blessings of doing temple work for our families, of which there is a LOT to do since I am the only member on my side of the family, and the kids' father's side has a lot to be done as well. The blessing of the gospel and the atonement of Christ is that we get to be together as a family eternally if we repent, endure to the end, and believe!

I attended the missionary farewell this last Tuesday. President and Sister Gonzales are going home, and they and several of the missionaries bore testimonies at the meeting. I was really touched by the last elder, who said that the atonement means everything to him, and to be able to share what Christ has done for all of us with the people in his mission area has meant the world. Really, all the things that we have going on in our lives, all the little frustrations and difficulties mean very little unless we let all these things improve our focus on Jesus and his atoning sacrifice. This is why the world was created...to bring all of God's children home to him.

I am so grateful for this knowledge, and the blessings of the gospel in my life. I love my Savior and I pray that he will help me become more like him. I also hope that he will touch the hearts of everyone I love and help them find their way to him. Have a truly wonderful day!

“We Serve That Which We Love”

I'm sorry I haven't done any posts lately...I've been buried! You know I love you all and think about you every day.

I had to give a talk in church this morning. For those who are interested, here's the text of my talk.
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Good Morning! I’m grateful for this opportunity to speak this morning! I have asked over and over again for the spirit to be here as I speak. I have received several witnesses that what I’m about to say is what the Lord wants me to say. I hope that even a small part of it will touch your heart.

One of the joys of belonging to the church is that we have multiple opportunities to serve one another. Sometimes, our callings are perfect for us, but most of the time, we head into callings and service with no clue what we’re doing. I don’t think I’m talking about only myself here….Have you ever wondered why our Father in Heaven wants a bunch of rank amateurs serving in this or that capacity in his church?

I would like to answer this question by reading a scripture from Matthew 22: 36-40. “’Master, which is the greatest commandment in the law?’ Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it. Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.”

We’ve all heard this scripture many times I’m sure, and yet as my progression in the gospel keeps moving forward, I am more and more convinced that these two commandments are the core of the gospel. Our relationship with God and with others, our love for them, is God’s greatest concern, and is the reason that our church is structured the way that it is.

In Elder Marvin Ashton’s talk, “We Serve That Which We Love” from the April 1981 General Conference, he says: “Day-to-day acts of service, whether for good or evil, may not seem important, but they are building cords of love that become so strong they can seldom be broken. Ours is to place our areas of love in proper perspective. Meaningful love always works for our eternal progress and not against it.”

It’s so easy to serve people that we have feelings of love for. It’s easy to serve God when we love him. Putting our time and energy into these relationships always works to our eternal benefit. To the Lord, relationships with him and with others are EVERYTHING.

However, one of the things the spirit communicated to me that I needed to address is this: Many of us have relationships in our lives that are broken, or hurting, or just not at the level that we would like to see. If we want to improve these relationships and heal them, we need to invest our service into the relationship. Even where we may feel with our earthly hearts and understanding that we already do all the work in such a relationship, service can change the hearts not just of those that we serve, but our own heart as well. This is true even where we feel we have no love left to give in a relationship. Most of the time, we are talking about the “feeling” of love. However, if we look at loving others as behaving in ways that benefit them and serve them, then perhaps we can find ways to continue to love even where the feelings of love are dormant. We can renew these feelings as we serve. Again, to quote Elder Ashton, “We serve that which we love, and we love that which we serve.” And if we feel we cannot serve one whom we ought to love but do not, then we should remember King Benjamin’s words from Mosiah 2:17: “And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom, that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings, ye are only in the service of your God.”

How can we find the courage to serve in damaged relationships? Through the atonement of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, who took upon us our individual weaknesses and sins, and all of our trials…because of him, we can face the difficult journey of healing knowing he is at our side. And if the relationships cannot be repaired, we can move forward in peace knowing that the Lord knows all we have done to make things right.

It is important that we realize that serving others and loving them needs to happen in emotionally healthy ways. Elder Ashton says, “Giving our time, the listening ear, the understanding heart, and the unconditional love, even opening doors of opportunity at times are some ways to serve those we love. But if we deprive family members of opportunities to learn to work, if we teach them to avoid or escape the responsibilities for their own actions, if we use them to further our own ambitions, then we do not serve them well or love them prudently.”

I love what he said. Our entire relationship with others is an opportunity to serve. What we say, how we say it, and how we behave are serving. We can serve others by withholding unkind words, by replacing them with positive words. We do not need to do everything for our children or others in order to be serving them. Like most things in life, we need to find a balance, a balance that helps us serve without becoming an enabler or a disabler. Elder Ashton also points out that if we have a member of our family who needs to have increased love, that we can give them opportunities to serve the family, to work and contribute. This is where a child can learn of their worth and their ability to serve, and how their love can be increased for the family.

By the way, if our relationship with our Father in Heaven is not where we would like it to be, then service of him is also a big part of the solution. If we serve in his church, not only will our love of others increase, but our love of God will also increase. As we strive to do his will and serve him by obeying him, then will our love for him continue to grow. We will be keeping the two greatest commandments!

The principle of service increasing our love works even when we are serving those we do not know. As we strive to serve those around us that we haven’t gotten to know yet, our love for them will increase.

It is not just people that we love, though, is it? We also invest our time and energy into work, into hobbies, into diversions. We come to love those things that we invest our time in. Therefore, we must be careful that our time, service and energy are directed to worthwhile pursuits. Here again, Elder Ashton cautions us: “Equally apparent in the world today is the love of that which is evil. We may jeopardize our future by loving and sacrificing for that which is not conducive to our health or our progress.” A bit further along he says…“One of the greatest accomplishments of Satan in these last days is his success in turning men’s affection towards the destructive, the fleeting, or the worldly.”

This turning of affection doesn’t happen in a moment. It happens gradually, over time, as we invest our sacrifice and our service into areas that might even seem good or desirable at first. We might seek a better job in order to provide better for our family, and become so consumed with the desire to provide better and better for them that we begin to invest our time to an extent that we sacrifice that which we intended to provide for. Elder Ashton says, “As adults, if our top priorities are constantly directed toward the acquisition of more and better worldly goods, it will not take long to increase our love in those directions. The purchase of a larger house or a nicer car or a more expensive boat may cause us to sacrifice our resources and develop an unwise love for these symbols of success and pleasure. We learn to love that which we serve, and we serve that which we love.”

Sometimes we find ourselves seemingly trapped by these unwise pursuits, or by sinful diversions. How do we stop loving those things that we should not love? According to Elder Ashton, we must, “stop the expenditure of time and effort in these directions. If this can be managed, then that love will wither and die. Our love should be channeled into sources that are eternally oriented.”

This might mean turning off the computer. It might mean redirecting our thoughts. We might need to stop having certain people in our lives. More importantly, it means replacing those diversions or sins with activities that allow us to serve others and God instead of following after the same destructive patterns that have consumed our lives.

I know God loves us. He does not want to be discouraged. Whenever we decide to serve him and others, he will bless our efforts and help us. I love this time of year…it’s almost Easter! I look forward to it every year because it has such deep meaning for me in my life. As Easter approaches, I find myself reflecting more and more on the ultimate act of service and grace provided by his son, Jesus Christ. I am so grateful for the love that he has for us, a love that we can only begin to comprehend. When he was in the Garden of Gethsemane, he knelt and took upon him my sins. His thoughts were of me and of you individually.

As I reviewed this talk this morning, I prayed and asked my Father in Heaven if all that I had included in my talk was pleasing to him. I felt peace that it was. I then turned to BYUTV online, and caught the tail end of an address by President Uchtdorf. Much to my surprise, he quoted the same scripture in Matthew that I included in my talk, and discussed how keeping these two commandments allows us to follow ALL of the commandments and blesses us. He then finished with this statement: “Love is the way of the disciple.”

I know that service is the key to love, it is the key to obedience, and ultimately it is the key of happiness in this life. I’m so grateful for the gift of the Holy Ghost, who testifies of truth, for his presence in my life and for the inspiration that he grants to me. I’m grateful for my Savior, who is the ultimate example of “Serving that which we love.”

Love Notes

I've come to realize that God meant it when he said it is not good for man (or woman) to be alone, though I've learned a lot from my solitude the last six and a half years. And to be honest, I needed a little time on my own to heal from all that I had been through and to rest from the constant, frenzied pace of my life before. I try to pray for but not obsess over my desire for a companion, but loneliness does overtake me now and then. When I'm feeling lonely, I consciously take note of all the ways God tells me he loves me that day. Here are some things I noticed yesterday:

• My oldest daughter told me she loved me in the morning, even after I was grumpy to her!
• A beautiful sunrise, full of silver and pink and orange!
• My children standing on the sidewalk making "air hearts" when I dropped them off for school.
• A lovely patch of purple flowers "spotlighted" by God! (Literally all lit up!)
• A car engine that doesn't sound like a jet engine anymore.
• Watching a man at college saving a bee from being stepped on in the cool of the morning. (That really touched my heart for some reason.)
• The sweet taste of oranges and strawberries at lunch.
• No runny nose yesterday!
• A stunning sky and a nice breeze most of the day.
• Being able to hear my daughters practicing piano. (Please God, help me to always be able to afford to give them this gift!)
• 1 day closer to my degree.
• My son Johnny's giant smile when I picked him up after school yesterday.
• My children giggling and having imaginative conversations in their "Abby" and "Syrah" voices.
• Being surrounded by my children all giving me a group hug before they headed to their dads.
• Chipotle! (mmmm!)
• Coming home to a safe, secure home filled with love and peace, even when the kids weren't here.
• The peace I felt as I prayed and studied the scriptures.

I hope I live my life in such a way that He knows I love Him, every day!

Women's Conference

I've been to a lot of women's conferences and other meetings for women in the past year. I attend the Fresno Women's Network Luncheon regularly. I also attend their two annual events. I enjoy what I learn at the Central Valley Women's Conference and the monthly women's business owners roundtable. A good friend of mine and I also hold a monthly mentoring meeting for women. I enjoy all of these functions and have great friends at all of them. I always learn something and meet people who are amazing.

Yet none of those events compares to what I feel when I attend functions for the Relief Society. For those of my readers who do not know, the Relief Society is the women's organization in our church. Our local stake had a Conference today, which we have not had in a long time. We signed up to attend classes on various topics, were provided lunch, and enjoyed the company of great sisters throughout the day. It was fabulous! My friend Cresta and I signed up to sing with the choir, and we sang 8 hymns as prelude before the meeting started. The whole event was a spiritual feast!

Here are some thoughts that stood out to me today. Even though their thoughts are in quotes, they are not direct quotes (I can't write that fast!):

Sister Lawrence: (Topic: Being filled with light)"Don't dwell on the things of the world or the mistakes you've made...if you do, you'll stand still. When you're standing still, you will regress spiritually. Instead, keep your eye single to the glory of God and move forward. And remember..the Lord NEVER gives up on us. He fights for us! He gave his life for us."

Dr. Jones: (Topic: How to give your teenagers the light they need) "Church programs protect our teenagers, but they do not inoculate them. They can be taken in by the world. The answers we need to combat the world are always found in the scriptures and service. Start your children early on serving others. Remember, nothing good happens after midnight. Make it a rule never to be broken! Teach them that sex belongs to marriage only. Teach the gospel in your home and remember, you WILL receive personal inspiration regarding how to help your teenagers."

Sister Thacker: (Topic: Does your light need adjusting?) "Like the butterfly, we all have to struggle against life in order to become strong and beautiful and in order to fly home to our Father in Heaven. Remember the story of Martha and Mary...sometimes the good stuff has to wait so that we can do the best stuff...like taking care of ourselves, filling our lives with the word of God. Learn to be present here in this moment, now. Don't wish away the moments (even the bad ones) because life is terribly short. The only things we can take with us when we die are our relationships and our testimonies, so when you prioritize your life, make sure these are first. Consider this: "Be ye therefore perfect" does not mean what we think it means. It means to be whole/complete/finished. We are supposed to be perfect in faith, hope and charity, but even these cannot be attained without the help of our Savior. We have to ask for help through the Savior...only he has the power to do this!"

I'm so grateful for the day that all of us were able to enjoy! I'm grateful for specific inspiration that the Lord gave me during this event about my family. Love you all!