This blog was originally designed to keep my family and friends in touch with what is happening in my family's life, and it's also a family journal. Along the way, I discovered that it was an effective therapeutic tool for me as well. It allowed me, and even forced me to some degree, to look for things in my life that were positive and write about them for an audience. I try to stay up-beat (because nobody likes a whiny-butt) and oddly enough, as I write from that perspective, I find that it makes a dramatic difference in my outlook.
That isn't to say that I don't get down in the dumps, discouraged, or negative, because believe me, I do. This is a hard life, being a single mom, trying to go back to school to get my degree, to overcome all the negative thoughts I have (reinforced by many others throughout my life) about my self-worth and what I'm capable (or not) of doing, to overcome my bad habits and try to establish good ones. To be honest, most days I feel like a failure at most things. I feel lonely and long for an eternal companion, but feel completely unworthy of such an amazing blessing.
Yet I do feel that I'm doing a pretty good job of raising really great kids. I love them with all my heart. Because of them, I keep trying despite all the obstacles in my way. Because of them, I am able to recognize how blessed I am most days, and even when I'm discouraged, they bring me an intensity of joy far beyond anything I can imagine. They motivate me to become better and healthier.
One of the biggest ways I have found to overcome my tendency to be depressed is to serve others. This little secret was etched on my heart by my Father in Heaven, and is one of the ways that I cling to gratitude and joy in place of darkness and depression. Also, my ever-faithful Father in Heaven keeps reaching down to show me his love, in big ways and in small ways, and though I'll probably never be completely aware of all the ways he does this, I do try to recognize and acknowledge his hand when I see it. My faith has blessed me and strengthened me, and it keeps me humble and grateful.
He reached down and saved me from myself. Imperfect, ungrateful, terrifyingly idiotic, willful, sinful (and many other adjectives I shall not mention) me. Some days I can scarcely believe it. I know he loves me! And I'll let you in on a little secret...he loves YOU just as much.
