Crossing the Bridge

Look at that smile!

Johnny just recently completed the requirements for the Arrow of Light in Cub Scouts. Because of this, and because his 11th birthday is in just a few weeks, he recently "graduated" (called crossing the bridge in scouting) into Boy Scouts. He will now attend 11 year old scouts on Wednesday nights. 

At the Blue & Gold Dinner on Thursday, February 23rd, he received his Arrow of Light award, which he will be able to wear on his boy scout uniform. His dad even came to witness the event. He was very happy! We're hoping to figure out some way that he will be able to attend camp this summer so he can be there with his brother and work on merit badges. No matter...we'll get started right away on his merit badges! He told his brother he's going to pass him up. 

Nothing like a little competition to get things rolling!

Johnny got to help with the flag ceremony tonight for his last night as a Cub Scout.

Johnny and his friends doing their song at the Blue & Gold.

As part of the special ceremony for the Arrow of Light, they talk about the values of the scouting program.

Johnny's certificate and arrow. See the patch on the pocket of his brand new boy scout shirt?
Neither can I! His dad didn't put it on yet. :)

Johnny waiting for his turn to cross the bridge.
His friend Jacob also received the Arrow of Light and crossed over.

Johnny waiting to greet Jacob as he crosses over.

Testing, Testing, 1-2-3

I had my first cognition test today. Our entire grade rests upon three test grades, and today was the first. I studied hard, felt comfortable that I knew what I knew, and went to sleep last night. During the night, I dreamed that I went to the test, fell asleep early in the hour, and woke up with the teacher saying, "You have five minutes left." I looked down at my paper and it was completely blank.

I freaked.

This morning, I skipped the Bishop's storehouse and stayed home to study more. This teacher is absolutely brilliant, but he's about as easy to follow as a firefly on meth, and I just knew his test was going to be hard.  I recalled his conversation last week with the class, in which he stated that you could fail the first test and walk away from the class with a B or a C (if you mended your ways and scored A's on the last two tests). I don't want a B or a C, I want an A.

He gave no study guide. He rarely if ever follows the book (which, by the way, is very good).  I kept great notes during class...or did I? Panic began to set in.

The kids were home today from school, so my morning was frequented by interruptions and demands. Just before I left, Kelly was very upset and insisted that she was going with her friend to the mall whether I wanted her to or not, and I threatened to ground her until she was 18 if she did so. Needless to say, I was in a very unstable frame of mind, and I left late. I arrived in my class ten minutes early, but  someone had taken "my" seat. (I always sit in the front so I'm not distracted by others, among other reasons.) I had to sit near the back of the room.

The test was precisely as hard as I predicted it would be. I went slowly and carefully analyzed out my answers. I marked all the questions I felt I got correct, as well as those I had no idea about. In the end, if I missed all the questions I thought I might be wrong on, and didn't miss any of the ones I thought I got right, then I might get a B on the test. He grades on a curve, but all it takes is one person to blow that curve. (sigh) I know I did my best...I just hope it's good enough!

Letting People In

While I'm usually up front about discussing the challenges I've faced in my life (because I hope it will be helpful to others going through difficulties) I generally don't let people see the pain and loss I've experienced or share with them the contents of my heart. So much of what I've gone through in my life is intensely personal. It involves people that others may or may not know, and I am cautious about not coloring the opinions of others. Some of the more spiritual things that I experienced during this time were just for me, in the sense that it wouldn't be appropriate to share unless it were with my spouse or in the case of being inspired to share with a specific person. And I've learned the hard way that others can be judging without knowing the whole picture, so I'm naturally cautious about letting people in.

Many of the people I let in have moved away. There remain a few people locally who know my story, who were with me through some of these situations. However, I truly feel alone in the sense that right now, I have no one to share my heart with, the thoughts I have, or to accompany me on this spiritual journey. I realized this week that this summer will mark eight years that I've been alone. Of course, I felt for a long time prior to the actual separation that I was alone, but even the illusion of having someone felt oddly comforting. 

I attended a funeral last week, and it made me think about what kind of mark I've left on the world. I struggle with a myriad of fears about the direction my life is and will be taking. I guess I'm feeling pensive about a number of things, and I'm longing to have someone to discuss them with. Prayer will have to be the only avenue for now, and my Father in Heaven my only confidant. Naturally, he's the best confidant and source of comfort. Nevertheless, the human part of me wants a person to share all of this with. We'll have to wait and see!

Valentines from the Lord

I worked at the Bishop's Storehouse this morning...I can't think of a better way to spend any day. I was trying to show my love for the Lord, and instead he took the opportunity to show his love for me, through the whole day.

Naturally, being with my kids and preparing a little Valentine treat for them felt really good, and I felt so blessed by their love for me, as well. In addition, the Lord blessed me with a beautiful day with active skies. My eyes are always on the skies, and I love to see clouds moving across them. Secondly, even though I got a late start leaving from the storehouse because the delivery truck was blocking me in, the Lord blessed me with clear traffic and a speedy arrival at the school, and I was able to get to class on time. (A fortunate thing since my 10 am professor is a stickler for timeliness...he deducts points if we are late!) I worked and studied during my lunch at school, and because it's so noisy in the Student Union, I was listening to the Mormon channel on my iPad, and the music kept reminding me of all my blessings and of my Savior's love, especially when my favorite song, Come Thou Fount, played not just once, but twice. Then on my way to class, I was informed that my afternoon class was cancelled. Woohoo! I went home and made taco salad for the kids and I, and it was delicious. Then after dinner, Kelly and I went to see Laine's school musical...Seussical, Jr. They rocked their performance!

I'm so grateful for the love I feel in my life each day. Even when it seems like things pretty much suck all around, or I'm feeling like a failure, he finds a way to reach me. It's such a humbling feeling.

Scumbag on Trial

When Erin was in high school, we met up with another parent, Joseph Metcalf, who had his own investment company. Patrick went on a trip to Australia and New Zealand with this individual, and when he returned, Patrick insisted that we invest with this man. I was cautious. We initially invested some money in a project he recommended, and within a year had made a 50% profit on the investment. Encouraged by this outcome, Patrick transferred our retirement accounts to him to manage, and we made several investments. This man was entrusted with a substantial amount of our retirement funds.

It became harder and harder to reach this man to ask questions or make changes in our investments. Gradually over time, he failed to return calls, and made a few errors in bookkeeping that cost time, money and adjusted tax returns. We stopped investing further funds with him. We were contacted by other parents of the band group who were concerned that they hadn't been able to reach him. We contacted the federal government about our concerns as a group, and waited for the long arm of the law to take it's sweet time locating and questioning him. It turned out that he had divorced his wife, signed over all of his physical assets to her, and skipped the country to Panama, where he was living it up on the money we had all invested. It seemed hopeless that they would ever catch him, and we ended up saying goodbye to most of the money we had invested for our retirements.

Not long ago, we were notified that he had been arrested and extradited to a local federal court. We were notified of his court dates and our rights under the law as victims. Patrick attended one of his hearings and reported to me that he was in chains and an orange jump suit in court, which I have to admit was small comfort considering the likelihood that we will never see our money.

Not only did we lose the money, but there is no deduction or claim that we can make to the government regarding this loss, since it was retirement income invested pre-taxation. Quite simply, we are out the money with no recourse to get it back. Seeing the man go to jail will be nice, but it certainly won't replace all that we lost. I have to admit that this situation is testing my ability to forgive and forget.

Scripture Power

I can't get the lyrics to this song out of my head!

Because I want to be like the Savior, and I can
I'm reading His instructions, I'm following His plan
Because I want the power His word will give to me
I'm changing how I live, I'm changing what I'll be

I'll find the sword of truth in each scripture that I learn.
I'll take the shield of faith from these pages that I turn.
I'll wear each vital part of the armor of the Lord
And fight my daily battles, and win a great reward

CHORUS
Scripture power keeps me safe from sin
Scripture power is the power to win!
Scripture power, everyday I need
The power that I get each time I read.


I think it's because I am in the midst of making some big changes in my life ("I'm changing how I live, I'm changing what I'll be")...about how I approach life, what I include in it, and the direction it's taking. I feel I need the Lord's help in making these changes, and perhaps it's his way of reminding me to turn to the scriptures for inspiration and help.

Bad Dreams

I keep having bad dreams right now about parades of people passing me giving me grades...and they aren't good grades either. :(

I also have been having dreams about having royally messed something up, but I have no idea what, and I spend my whole dream trying to figure out what I did wrong.

Anxiety? Who me?

Loving it!

For enrichment night tonight, we had a guest speaker. I wavered about whether to attend or not since I have a test tomorrow, but I'm really glad that I did go. Her story touched my heart, as did the insight she offered. I know I'm not really good at it yet, but the approach she recommended in relationships is exactly how I want to be. The catch phrase is ENUF....empathetically listen (be in the present); non-judgemental, no matter what the other party says or feels; unconditionally loving (hard sometimes!); and (stay with the) feelings (or sometimes despite them!). Needless to say, I have a lot of work to do.

Attending this evening brought me some peace in another area as well. I'm getting both anxious and excited about the future. I really have a lot of decisions to make, and I'm feeling really alone as I make them. Having this speaker there reminded me of how much the Lord is willing to help me. I'm so grateful for the people he puts in my path, and the inspiration he provides just when I need it. I'm really feeling the loss of some key people in my life, and it's tough some days not to feel discouraged. Nevertheless, all of these things we experience are learning experiences that help us grow and mature. I guess the plethora of learning opportunities means that I have a LOT of growing up to do!

Feeling it

Today I was thinking about how blessed I feel. I thought about what a great home teacher I have...Bro. Peterson worked eight hours straight cutting up the branches that Patrick cut down from the trees on Saturday. I have no words for the gratitude I feel. I still need to dispose of the branches (if only I had a chipper/shredder!) but at least the house is out of danger. I'm so grateful for the friendship of Bro. Peterson and his wife, Kelly, who is a dear friend of mine.

I was also thinking about what a great Bishop we have. This struck me on Sunday as I was talking with the primary kids about choosing the right, and I mentioned the Bishop. One little boy who is new to our church asked what a bishop was, and then asked WHO he was. I described him, and he asked, "Is he mean?" I busted up laughing, and felt completely confident when I said, "Absolutely not! I love the Bishop!" He has blessed my life and that of my children immeasurably. When I think of him, I feel humbled by his service and pleased by the love he shows to the youth of our ward and to the children.

I've also been thinking about our relief society president and her sisters who recently lost their mother. Knowing Annika and Melanie has truly blessed me. Both are great examples to me and always offer encouraging words and positive thoughts whenever I see them. I consider both of them friends, even though I feel like I can't give nearly as much as I receive in the friendships. I don't know Kara as well, but I'm looking forward to getting to know her better as time goes on.


I went to the Bishop's storehouse this morning to work, and was there to witness two new service missionaries who were called to the Bishop's storehouse. This couple has been very faithful about driving from Bakersfield every Tuesday, and I've been blessed to work with them frequently in the last few months. I thought about the spiritual thought that Bro. Scoffield shared with us last week, and I find it still touches me as I ponder the "angels" that I get to serve along side of and learn from each week that I go. I find a little slice of joy each time I serve there.

Brother Scoffield asked me last week why I didn't stay home and study instead of serving in the storehouse. There aren't sufficient words to explain how much I love serving there, but I did tell him that I think of it like tithing. I can never give more money to the Lord than he returns to me tenfold in blessings. The same is true of my time. I can never give the Lord more in service than he returns to me in blessings. I find I study better and do better in my classes when I remember to serve others. And having been a recipient of the blessings of the storehouse materially and spiritually, I can only feel peace about spending my time there.