Sleepless in Fresno

Okay, okay...doesn't have quite the same ring as Sleepless in Seattle. Still...having trouble sleeping again. Maybe I need a night job. At least then I could get paid for staying awake.

Sigh.

Stress is mostly my culprit...worrying about the roof, worrying about the kids, worrying about finances, worrying about applying to grad schools, worrying about my last semester of undergraduate work. Feeling super lonely for companionship and someone to share life with. I guess it's a good thing that one of my classes requires us to be in counseling, because I'm surely going to need it.

One of the things that always bothers me the first few weeks of the semester is how hostile the college environment is to people of faith and/or people with conservative values. All but one of my instructors this week bashed religion in one way or another, and all of them made it clear which candidate they supported in the election by ridiculing Romney and his campaign. Now I'm not the biggest Romney fan. I didn't vote for him in the primaries. Even though I'm an independent voter, I tend to support candidates that are for smaller government, less taxes, protection of the freedom of religion and personal liberties. Anyone who holds these principles who is attending college learns really quickly to keep their mouth shut if they don't want others to try to humiliate them in their classes or if they want to be taken seriously. 

I keep telling myself to breathe. So far, I haven't died from stress. I'd like to keep it that way.

I'm happy to report, though, that we received some good news today. The STAR test results came in the mail today for Laine, Johnny and Joe. Laine scored advanced in English/language arts and proficient in Algebra I. Johnny scored (super) advanced in English/language arts and science, and received a perfect score in math. And Joe received (super) advanced in English/language arts, proficient in math, and a perfect score in biology. I am continually amazed at the intellectual gifts of my children, and terrified that they won't put them to good use.

Deeper Gratitude

Recently I was helping someone who needed assistance. I was not doing anything particularly grand, just a helping hand into bed and settling everything around the person to ensure comfort and accessibility. I was shocked and frankly a little overwhelmed when the individual grabbed my hand and covered it with kisses, thanking me profusely and humbly for my help.

At that moment, I felt very self-conscious and unsure how to react, murmuring that I was glad to help and that I didn't do anything that spectacular. As is often the case, the Lord turned that situation into a teaching moment for me.

As I left the side of the individual, into my mind the Lord placed the image of Mary anointing the feet of Jesus, kissing his feet, wiping his feet with her hair. Tears sprang to my eyes in that moment, and even now as I think about it, I feel teary-eyed. Now before I get struck by lightning on the spot, I want to say I am NOT comparing myself to Jesus, because that would after all be the saddest and sorriest of comparisons. Rather, I am looking at the gratitude being expressed in these two situations, and comparing it to my own level of gratitude.

How grateful am I when others do things for me? How do I express that gratitude? While my heart may be full of thankfulness, how am I expressing that to others? And most especially, and perhaps the Lord's point in all of this, how grateful I should be to the Lord! How much time do I spend pondering the blessing of the atonement and expressing my gratitude for what the Lord has done for me?

I've made it a personal commitment to think more often about the magnitude of what the Lord has done, to express more deeply my gratitude in prayer and in action for all that it means to me. In general, I want to be more thankful and aware of the kindnesses that others have done for me in my life. I have been so very blessed to have the spirit as my teacher.

The First Week

We had a busy and eventful first week of school. Kelly's schedule was a little messed up, so she spent the week agonizing about it and trying to work it out with her counselor. She's also interested in signing up for golf, so we've been checking into that.

Joe's week was spent complaining about how little time is left to play his guitar after all his homework is done. He has a really heavy schedule this year, and it will take some time for us to get him into the swing of things. He walks home from school nearly every day, and he's one fast walker!! I tried to pick him up a couple of days last week, but he was too quick for me. He's taking chemistry, European History, Honors English, Trigonometry (pre-calculus), French III, and PE.

Laine is already complaining about homework. She has geometry this year, so the whining has begun in earnest. Never a big fan of school anyway, she's very vocal about her feeling regarding her teachers and the various homework assignments. One of my challenges will be to try to stay positive with her myself as I help her along in this school year. She has decided not to try out for the play or the improv group, focusing just on chorus and her school work. I'll bet that she will miss her extracurricular activities, but I'm glad that she made her own decision about that.

Johnny seems to have had an easy week...not too much homework and everything seems to be going well so far. One of his best friends is in the same class as him this year, and he isn't in band so he's glad and grateful not to have that to contend with. He's learning guitar from his brother, so he hasn't dropped music altogether, which I'm glad about.

My classes are going to be fun and challenging this semester. One big burden is that one of my classes insists on me working with a parenting class on Wednesday nights for 9 weeks. The responsibility is not a bad thing...it's the day of the week that's a bad thing. Wednesday is mutual for the older kids and scouts for the youngest. Getting them to their various locations and back home again is going to be a challenge for me during this time. I'm sure it will work out, but it's going to be a bit tricky. One of my other classes requires me to be in counseling during the semester.  As in, receiving counseling. I'm very excited about the class, not so excited about making time to devote to receive counseling. I think overall it will be a hard semester, since I'm applying to grad schools and taking the GRE Sept 17th. I pray that Heavenly Father will help me with all the decisions that need to be made over the coming months!

Preparing for School

It's a frantic rush to get ready for school around here. I'm beginning my last semester of my bachelor's degree, Kelly is beginning her last year of high school, Laine is beginning her last year at Bullard Talent, and Johnny is finishing up at Manchester this year. We are buying school supplies, trying to figure out school clothes for the year, adjusting to new sleep schedules, and generally trying to come to grips with the fact that summer is over.

Last night, the kids and I had the opportunity to receive blessings from the Young Men's President in our ward, Brother Musick. I was so touched by the fact that the blessings were so specific to each of our individual challenges and needs, clear evidence that they were directed by the spirit. We were all touched. I'm so grateful for the power of the priesthood!

Family History Work

I've been working on my family history. The kids and I committed to an hour a week minimum as part of our family mission plan. Today I spent a total of about four hours on ancestry.com and family search.

I found confirmation of my great, great grandparents' names on my mother's side. I also found out when that particular line came from Quebec to the US. Now, however, I'm stuck. I don't know how to get information on their birth dates, parents' names,  their children's names, etc. Time to go visit the family history center, I guess. I found out that my great, great grandfather had brown eyes and brown hair and that his index finger was cut off at the first knuckle. Little tidbits make all this hard work more fun.

I have so much work to do on both sides of my family that it's overwhelming. If it takes this much work for one person, how will I ever get to all the people I need to work on? But I committed to an hour a week at least, so I'm going to keep plugging away at it and hope the Lord blesses me with opportunities to find the information I need.