Last night, I chaperoned a dance for church youth in our area. I took Laine (to avoid the inevitable war between her and Johnny) and she and I baked cookies at the dance. We had a good time, and the dance was packed. Kelly invited her friend Franny, who is not a member of our church, and we stayed til the event was over.
After the closing prayer we headed home. We were stopped at the intersection of Barstow and First, waiting for the green light. It was about 11:15 pm, and the traffic was very light. The girls were singing and making a ruckus, and the light turned green. I stepped on the accelerator, and for some reason, my foot slid right off. I've been driving for almost 25 years, and that's never happened to me. I looked down, thinking "What the heck?" then looked back up quickly, and right in front of me, two inches from my bumper, a truck went past going 45 or 50, who had run the red light.
I knew instantly that our lives had been preserved by God. I failed to see the truck due to the obstruction of the vehicle beside me, and he failed to stop. If I had accelerated as planned, we would have been in the hospital or dead. Guardian angels at work! We all thanked God that we were safe, and I drove very slowly all the way home because I was shaking so badly. At first, my mind was filled with the near miss...trying to determine exactly what had happened. But afterward, I began to ponder what would have happened if we hadn't been protected, and it became a wake-up call. If I had died, had I properly prepared my children to be successful spiritually? Had I prepared them to be healthy, wise, responsible adults? Had I taught them right from wrong? And what of my own efforts...had I put first things first in my life?
I knew I was getting carried away when I began to wonder....Who would miss me if I was suddenly gone, other than my children? Would anyone come to my funeral?
Nevertheless, because of what happened last night, I am recommitted to being a better parent/family member, a better role model, a more thoughtful friend, a good citizen, and a better human being. I am determined to put forth more effort into drawing closer to God and my Savior, to being more like Jesus. I am so grateful for this life upon this earth. Despite my mistakes, my hard-headedness, and all the things I've done wrong, I know I want to be with him, and I know I can if I am humble, teachable, and give myself to loving others and God.
I'm grateful for the knowledge I have that I am a daughter of God. I'm grateful for the truths He has taught me, for His grace and his patience. I pray he helps me get it right!
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Friday, May 14, 2010
Moments that move
I thought I'd write about a few moments that have moved me this last few weeks.
My youngest son struggles when his feelings are "too big" for his body. The other day, the kids were teasing him, and he could sense he was beginning to lose control. He ran to hug me, and cried out, "Make it stop, Momma!" I could feel his body shaking at first and then calm down as he regained control, but he didn't stop hugging me. It touched my heart so much that I almost cried. I know he needs to learn to stop himself when his feelings start to escalate. For now, he needs me to be his safe haven. How I wish it was easier to manage our feelings! I am committed to teaching all of the kids how to be patient with others, speak kindly, and be responsible for how we feel, but it is so hard!
On Saturday, my daughter Laine called me on the phone and was in emotional distress. I was riding in the car with my oldest daughter, so I had the phone on speakerphone, meaning Kelly could hear the conversation. My youngest daughter admitted that when she was in 3rd grade (2 years ago), a boy had asked her if he could be her boyfriend, and she said yes. She said she didn't understand what that meant until I had spoken to her on Friday, playing with her and telling her that no matter how many boys thought she was cute, that she wasn't to have a boyfriend until she was 16. She told that boy right away that she couldn't be his girlfriend anymore, but then found herself unable to sleep all night because she had broken a rule. She was crying and telling me how sorry she was on the phone, and again, my heart was moved by her desire to do what was right and make things right. And then, Kelly, hearing her distress, told Laine that it was okay and that she loved her. I was almost in tears myself at that point, because Kelly and Laine don't exactly get along well, and for her to tell Laine spontaneously that she loved her just made my heart melt.
I find myself deeply connected to my children's individual struggles. As they get older and have to take more and more responsibility for their own choices, and as we get glimpses of some of the things they will have to overcome in their lives, I find myself being moved to prayer and reflection, trying to find ways to build their faith and reinforce their good choices. I'm so grateful for having good kids! I hope I can be the mom they need, the refuge they need, to keep growing up in the Lord.
My youngest son struggles when his feelings are "too big" for his body. The other day, the kids were teasing him, and he could sense he was beginning to lose control. He ran to hug me, and cried out, "Make it stop, Momma!" I could feel his body shaking at first and then calm down as he regained control, but he didn't stop hugging me. It touched my heart so much that I almost cried. I know he needs to learn to stop himself when his feelings start to escalate. For now, he needs me to be his safe haven. How I wish it was easier to manage our feelings! I am committed to teaching all of the kids how to be patient with others, speak kindly, and be responsible for how we feel, but it is so hard!
On Saturday, my daughter Laine called me on the phone and was in emotional distress. I was riding in the car with my oldest daughter, so I had the phone on speakerphone, meaning Kelly could hear the conversation. My youngest daughter admitted that when she was in 3rd grade (2 years ago), a boy had asked her if he could be her boyfriend, and she said yes. She said she didn't understand what that meant until I had spoken to her on Friday, playing with her and telling her that no matter how many boys thought she was cute, that she wasn't to have a boyfriend until she was 16. She told that boy right away that she couldn't be his girlfriend anymore, but then found herself unable to sleep all night because she had broken a rule. She was crying and telling me how sorry she was on the phone, and again, my heart was moved by her desire to do what was right and make things right. And then, Kelly, hearing her distress, told Laine that it was okay and that she loved her. I was almost in tears myself at that point, because Kelly and Laine don't exactly get along well, and for her to tell Laine spontaneously that she loved her just made my heart melt.
I find myself deeply connected to my children's individual struggles. As they get older and have to take more and more responsibility for their own choices, and as we get glimpses of some of the things they will have to overcome in their lives, I find myself being moved to prayer and reflection, trying to find ways to build their faith and reinforce their good choices. I'm so grateful for having good kids! I hope I can be the mom they need, the refuge they need, to keep growing up in the Lord.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Being the Mom
Sometimes, being the mom stinks. Literally.
Poor Laine's lifelong battle with stomach aches, nausea, fatigue, and bowel issues have now moved to center stage. This year, her problems have become more frequent and severe, and I finally got tired of the doctor's advice...variously: more fiber, stop dairy products, give yogurt with cultures to get rid of the diarrhea, keep a food diary, determine which foods cause a reaction,reduce her stress. I demanded that we narrow down what is going on with her body, because her frequent stomach aches, exhaustion and diarrhea have been causing her much distress as well as leading to missed school.
So I found myself over the past two months taking stool samples, scooping poop (diarrhea and constipation) and stuffing into little bottles filled with equally nasty smelling chemicals, or smearing it onto cardboard. "Scrape along the surface of the stool" the instructions say. What stool, I want to know? What is the "surface" of diarrhea? We've been to the lab so frequently for blood work that Laine is beginning to laugh at the jokes the lab techs make. Seriously, if you knew how bad those jokes were....
After a string of negative results, one of the blood tests came up positive. Laine tested positive for Crohn's disease. So we were referred to a specialist. We have Kaiser, but Kaiser's specialist happens to also work at Children's Hospital and is well respected. Upon reviewing Laine's history, she said that Laine's symptoms match up to Crohn's and the test was positive, but that there are some other "markers" they look for that aren't present. Laine will need to undergo a Esophagogastroduodenoscopy and a colonoscopy. Basically, the doctor will take a camera with a blade attached and look inside of Laine's digestive system to see if there is inflammation present. They will look for ulcers and bleeding, as well as polyps, unusual growths, or swelling. The good news is that Laine will be sedated, and they will do the exam at Children's where all they do is children. The big day will be May 24th.
The day before the exam, we have to administer medicine to Laine to make her clear out her bowels, as well as make sure she consumes one 8 oz glass (til the whole gallon is gone) every 10 minutes of this nasty salt water stuff. She can only have clear liquids the whole day, nothing red or purple. And they've kindly given us something to give her before she drinks all that mess to ensure she won't vomit.
I really hope the test was a false positive. I would hate for Laine to have a lifelong chronic illness that can put her in the hospital. I'm praying hard and I hope that you will too. I hope that we can find out what is wrong so we can try to put things right. In the meantime, we still have one more stool sample to do. Any volunteers??
Poor Laine's lifelong battle with stomach aches, nausea, fatigue, and bowel issues have now moved to center stage. This year, her problems have become more frequent and severe, and I finally got tired of the doctor's advice...variously: more fiber, stop dairy products, give yogurt with cultures to get rid of the diarrhea, keep a food diary, determine which foods cause a reaction,reduce her stress. I demanded that we narrow down what is going on with her body, because her frequent stomach aches, exhaustion and diarrhea have been causing her much distress as well as leading to missed school.
So I found myself over the past two months taking stool samples, scooping poop (diarrhea and constipation) and stuffing into little bottles filled with equally nasty smelling chemicals, or smearing it onto cardboard. "Scrape along the surface of the stool" the instructions say. What stool, I want to know? What is the "surface" of diarrhea? We've been to the lab so frequently for blood work that Laine is beginning to laugh at the jokes the lab techs make. Seriously, if you knew how bad those jokes were....
After a string of negative results, one of the blood tests came up positive. Laine tested positive for Crohn's disease. So we were referred to a specialist. We have Kaiser, but Kaiser's specialist happens to also work at Children's Hospital and is well respected. Upon reviewing Laine's history, she said that Laine's symptoms match up to Crohn's and the test was positive, but that there are some other "markers" they look for that aren't present. Laine will need to undergo a Esophagogastroduodenoscopy and a colonoscopy. Basically, the doctor will take a camera with a blade attached and look inside of Laine's digestive system to see if there is inflammation present. They will look for ulcers and bleeding, as well as polyps, unusual growths, or swelling. The good news is that Laine will be sedated, and they will do the exam at Children's where all they do is children. The big day will be May 24th.
The day before the exam, we have to administer medicine to Laine to make her clear out her bowels, as well as make sure she consumes one 8 oz glass (til the whole gallon is gone) every 10 minutes of this nasty salt water stuff. She can only have clear liquids the whole day, nothing red or purple. And they've kindly given us something to give her before she drinks all that mess to ensure she won't vomit.
I really hope the test was a false positive. I would hate for Laine to have a lifelong chronic illness that can put her in the hospital. I'm praying hard and I hope that you will too. I hope that we can find out what is wrong so we can try to put things right. In the meantime, we still have one more stool sample to do. Any volunteers??
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