Awesome talks today at the Singles Conference!

This morning we heard from President and Sister Gelwix at the Single Adult Conference, who both had amazing thoughts to offer all of us. I'll write up my thoughts on that later. But first: the Happiness Advantage!

This workshop is just what I needed to hear! We initially discussed comments people make: "I'll be so happy when I finish school!" Or, "When I get married, then I'll be happy!" Or, "When my kids are all grown up and married in the temple, then I'll be happy!" Or, "I'll be so happy when I make it to the celestial kingdom!"  Many people think that it is success or accomplishing a goal that will bring happiness, but scientists have found that it actually works the other way around. When people are happy, then good things happen!

We reviewed many scientific studies that demonstrate that happy people are more successful, healthier, and able to bounce back quicker after setbacks. (Many of which we have been covering in my psychology classes. Happy people also make more money, achieve more in their careers and have more success socially. (Sign me up, please. :-)) That being said, being happy is hard for some people. We ask, how can we be happy now?

He reminded us that finding happiness is not like flipping a switch...happy, not happy, happy, not happy. It's more of a continuum, and where we are on that continuum is up to us. People who have had traumatic events happen to them find that three months later or a year later, report that they are happy in their new lives. Are things different? Yes, but our happiness is not determined so much by external factors as it is by choosing to be happy wherever you are and whoever you are with.

We also discussed that science has demonstrated that our attitudes follow behavior (flashback to President Gelwix's talk this morning!). If we want to feel happy, we "act" happy....take action that reflects the attitude we want to have, and voila! A happier, more positive outlook!

Brother Fogg also gave us seven principles of happiness:
     1) You can train (or retrain) your brain to be happy. Remember, actions = attitude.
     2) Change your mindset to change your performance. In other words, look at happiness as a mental health exercise and actively seek happiness.
     3) Train yourself to capitalize on the possibilities within your challenges. God gives us challenges that help us build the qualities we need to be our best selves. He also puts people in our lives that bless us and help us.
    4) Knowledge is not enough for change. How many exercise articles have you read? Do you act on all that knowledge? No! The same is true for happiness. Action is required, and so is faith.
    5) You CAN control your own emotions. And remember, happiness is contagious! When others around you are being grumpy, bless them with a little happiness!
    6) Minimize the barriers to change! Find ways to help yourself be happier. Put things that reliably make you smile in your surroundings. Make time in your day to do something that makes you feel positive. Talk to someone who frequently lifts your spirits.
     7) Social support is one of the greatest assets we have. God's purpose for us is happiness, but we were never intended to be happy alone! There is a ripple effect to happiness. That's one of the reasons why we were commanded to meet each week at church. We are meant to help and bless each other. Hold on to those people in your life that make you happy. Invest in them and let them invest in you. Start now!

I'm so glad that I took the time to attend this workshop. I'll probably add more as I remember it!

Scripture Power

I can't get the lyrics to this song out of my head!

Because I want to be like the Savior, and I can
I'm reading His instructions, I'm following His plan
Because I want the power His word will give to me
I'm changing how I live, I'm changing what I'll be

I'll find the sword of truth in each scripture that I learn.
I'll take the shield of faith from these pages that I turn.
I'll wear each vital part of the armor of the Lord
And fight my daily battles, and win a great reward

CHORUS
Scripture power keeps me safe from sin
Scripture power is the power to win!
Scripture power, everyday I need
The power that I get each time I read.


I think it's because I am in the midst of making some big changes in my life ("I'm changing how I live, I'm changing what I'll be")...about how I approach life, what I include in it, and the direction it's taking. I feel I need the Lord's help in making these changes, and perhaps it's his way of reminding me to turn to the scriptures for inspiration and help.

Feeling it

Today I was thinking about how blessed I feel. I thought about what a great home teacher I have...Bro. Peterson worked eight hours straight cutting up the branches that Patrick cut down from the trees on Saturday. I have no words for the gratitude I feel. I still need to dispose of the branches (if only I had a chipper/shredder!) but at least the house is out of danger. I'm so grateful for the friendship of Bro. Peterson and his wife, Kelly, who is a dear friend of mine.

I was also thinking about what a great Bishop we have. This struck me on Sunday as I was talking with the primary kids about choosing the right, and I mentioned the Bishop. One little boy who is new to our church asked what a bishop was, and then asked WHO he was. I described him, and he asked, "Is he mean?" I busted up laughing, and felt completely confident when I said, "Absolutely not! I love the Bishop!" He has blessed my life and that of my children immeasurably. When I think of him, I feel humbled by his service and pleased by the love he shows to the youth of our ward and to the children.

I've also been thinking about our relief society president and her sisters who recently lost their mother. Knowing Annika and Melanie has truly blessed me. Both are great examples to me and always offer encouraging words and positive thoughts whenever I see them. I consider both of them friends, even though I feel like I can't give nearly as much as I receive in the friendships. I don't know Kara as well, but I'm looking forward to getting to know her better as time goes on.


I went to the Bishop's storehouse this morning to work, and was there to witness two new service missionaries who were called to the Bishop's storehouse. This couple has been very faithful about driving from Bakersfield every Tuesday, and I've been blessed to work with them frequently in the last few months. I thought about the spiritual thought that Bro. Scoffield shared with us last week, and I find it still touches me as I ponder the "angels" that I get to serve along side of and learn from each week that I go. I find a little slice of joy each time I serve there.

Brother Scoffield asked me last week why I didn't stay home and study instead of serving in the storehouse. There aren't sufficient words to explain how much I love serving there, but I did tell him that I think of it like tithing. I can never give more money to the Lord than he returns to me tenfold in blessings. The same is true of my time. I can never give the Lord more in service than he returns to me in blessings. I find I study better and do better in my classes when I remember to serve others. And having been a recipient of the blessings of the storehouse materially and spiritually, I can only feel peace about spending my time there.

Awards and Progress

Yesterday, in addition to her straight A report card, Laine brought home a stack of awards from her school. First, she was accepted into CJSF (California Junior Scholarship Federation). She was on the Honor Roll for first and second semester, and received a perfect attendance reward for both of those semesters as well. She also received a "Block B" award, which is essentially a citizenship award. And (we're not done yet!) she received an award for meeting her reading goal.

Johnny's pack meeting for cub scouts was last night, and he, too, walked away with a ton of awards. He received his Webelos badge and the following pins: Communicator, Showman, Aquanaut, Family Member, Handyman, Outdoors, Scholar, Fitness, Naturalist and Citizen. He also received the citizenship belt-loop. He's almost done with his Arrow of Light, which is one of the only things that he can put on his new Boy Scout uniform that he'll be getting next month. (He can also keep his religious square knot, which he earned long ago.) He'll be beginning 11 year old scouts very soon...his birthday is March 7th. Next month at the Blue and Gold dinner, he will be honored for the Arrow of Light. He can't wait to get out of cubs and into real scouting. He'll be eligible to go to the week long Scout Camp this summer and he's beyond excited! I'm beyond excited, too...no more cub scout day camp!

Terrific Tuesday!

Well, we had a terrific morning at the Bishop's Storehouse today. We helped package up fruits and vegetables, and after those were done, spent the bulk of the morning bagging nuts. There were a ton of people helping, and it was amazing to see everyone working so hard. All of our favorites were there, and some new people, too! I so much appreciate Brother Scoffield for his example of service, love and hard work for my boys, who are slowly coming around to the idea that life is hard and it's time to get over it and get to work.

At home, the kids spent some time enjoying some computer time while I worked on homework. More good news: Fortunately a friend of mine arranged for a heating "specialist" to come and look at our heater tomorrow, so hopefully our home will be able to get over 53 degrees during the day if they are able to fix it. If not, the kids are preparing firewood to keep us warm during the rainy weather ahead.

I also finally went shopping for food items today, and there are happy tummies in the Cavanaugh home.

We finished off the day with a wonderful trip to the temple for baptisms. It was the first time I was able to go with Laine. Kelly was unable to go because she was ill. It was so special to me to have Laine and Joe both there. (Someday soon, I hope to have all five of the children there at once with me!) We enjoyed our quiet evening at the temple. The spirit was strong, the smiles were big, and the joy was tangible!!

Sunrise, Sunset

I realized recently that I've been experiencing more sunrises and sunsets. During the summer, I seldom see these dramatic moments because the days are too long. But this time of year, I get to see both! Mind you, it's not in the way I'd like to experience them (snuggled up somewhere far from civilization with someone special!)...in fact, I'm usually in the car during these dramatic moments.  Nevertheless, I've enjoyed watching the play of light and color over the clouds and the horizon. (I'm a skies person, remember?)

In literature and daily language, sunrises and sunsets are often used as metaphors for the beginning and end of things, so when I experience them both in the same day, sometimes it makes me reflective. It makes me realize that in this world, all things have a beginning and an end. It serves as a reminder that some of the more difficult challenges I face are temporary and will pass away. It also reminds me that the blessings we have should be treasured while we have them, because our lives are short.

Someone I interviewed recently for a class, a beautiful lady in her 80's, commented that she didn't know how the years had passed so quickly. She said that inside she still felt the same, that the passage of years had gone largely unnoticed, but externally, her body, her face, her life was so different. She was startled every time she looked in the mirror. Her advice for aging was to treasure the moments and beauty in life, serve everyone you can throughout your life, love God and others, stay active, and be kind to yourself.  Enjoy more sunrises and sunsets. I'm grateful that I get that chance right now!

Tuesdays at the Storehouse

This month, we celebrate thanksgiving. Of all the holidays, this one is my second favorite (for inquiring minds, Easter is my favorite!). Although I still need work on expressing gratitude, I love that we have a holiday that is about being grateful. I feel I have been so richly blessed by the Lord in all areas of my life. I really have no right to complain at all about my life, even though I do from time to time. Maybe more than I should.

Yesterday in the mail I received a newsletter from the Poverello House. In the newsletter, they discussed the programs and opportunities for families and individuals that find themselves in tough circumstances or homeless. They also discussed street corner beggars. As I read through this material, I thought about all I take for granted. I complain about all the repairs and hard work I have to do in my home, or the yard work that needs to be done on my property. Yet, I have a home to live in with space to spare, unlike so many others. I complain about having to plan, cook and clean up after meals, yet my children and I have plenty to eat and some to share. I could go on and on about all that I grumble about. I need to improve!

When I went to the Bishop's storehouse today, as I try to do every Tuesday, I had a another learning experience. As I saw the familiar faces of my friends at the storehouse, my heart was lifted in joy. Although completely out of it at moments from staying up nearly all night to study, I felt so happy for the opportunity to serve those who have less, people I may never meet, but to whom my little bit of service can bring some relief and peace. I treasure my time there because it helps me to repay the tiniest portion of all that I have been blessed with. It reminds me that man "does not live by bread alone" but having a full tummy helps people to focus on the words of Christ and living a good life. Serving at the storehouse blesses me on another level, too...it keeps depression and darkness at bay as I lose myself in the work. I only wish I could do more to help others, but this small offering still provides me with perspective and peace.

Halloween Photos

Johnny wanted to be a dwarf, Joe is some kind of "mad" software developer or something from Aperture  Labs (think Portal), Laine is a sack of potatoes, and Kelly is a zombie.

Laine and Kelly love these lights I found one year at Halloween...they look like candy corn. They hung them up in their room as soon as we took the decorations out.

here's a close-up of those candy corn lights. Pretty cool, huh? At least these can't give you cavities. :-)

A closer look at Kelly's Zombie costume.

Making Pumpkin Muffins

Johnny informed me that he needs a large can for something at his school this week. An empty can, to be precise. By tomorrow morning, to be even more precise. So in rummaging in our cabinets, I've discovered I have two options: Enchilada Sauce, or canned pumpkin.

And while enchiladas are one of life's best pleasures, I've decided to make pumpkin muffins, in honor of the fall that I wish were here already. I'm anxious for the senescence that brings with it crimson, yellow, purple and red. Great big leaf piles perfect for watching my kids jump into (while they're still young enough to want to!). Beautiful dynamic skies with clouds that visit just long enough to remind us that summer has left the building. The occasional camping trip that breaks up the monotony of school days. The beauty of a season that continues to shout in the perfect symphony of color that God is real and that he loves us. I'm longing for the smell of chili, soups and stews and that special scent that comes with autumn. Perfect temperatures...no longer hot enough to bake apple pies on my patio, and just enough cool to require the occasional sweatshirt and socks.

Yes, if I bake some muffins, I might just survive until fall.

Pi Day

Today was Pi day! Get it? 3.14.....

Joe made a shirt for Pi day (which I'm trying to get Kelly to take a photo of so that I can post it here. I don't have a digital camera). Have you ever heard my kids sing the Pi song? It's pretty funny. Joe has Pi memorized out to something like 25 digits, and I think Johnny has it memorized to about 12. For family home evening, we had -- guess what? -- pie for dessert! Sara Lee chocolate cream. Mmmm! Except I couldn't have any since I've given up desserts until Easter. Sigh.

Our lesson was on the Prodigal Son, which we really enjoyed. We talked about the atonement and how it makes us "at-one" with one another in addition to God if we let it. We sang "Families Can Be Together Forever" and since we're learning to conduct at the same time, we sang it twice. Johnny said I conduct like a girl, and he wouldn't do it that way, so I had to show him how to conduct like a boy.

We played Clue and I won. Sort of makes up for no dessert. But only sort of.

Moving On

My former husband is getting married. Many friends have asked me how I feel about this and are concerned for my well being. To me, his Christmas-time marriage is a good thing, as he is a much better parent when he has a partner. It's also good because I want him to be happy...after all, we were married for 13 years. When he is alone, he is absolutely NOT happy. The kids are okay with him getting married. They've expressed concern about me being alone, though they've also admitted that me getting remarried would be much harder for them than their dad getting remarried. The kids love him, and so do I, because of them. His happiness means the kids will be happier and will be treated better. And Patrick will always be a part of our family.

This doesn't mean it's easy for me to see him get married. One part of me has to finally relinquish the glimmer of hope I had for a miraculous change of heart and behavior that might have yielded a chance for real hope for us. A part of me feels it's really unfair, questions (again) what God has in store for me.

According to a recent study, about 39 percent of Americans think marriage is obsolete. As for me, I don't consider marriage to be obsolete, though I apparently have great difficulty choosing "the One." I believe marriage is ordained of God for the benefit of mankind, creating the best possible environment for raising children, and allowing maximum growth for the couple. Divorce has not turned me off of marriage, though it has scared me a bit. Despite having been divorced, marriage is a desirable thing to me. I would like to have someone who loves and cherishes me, and I want to have someone in my life that I can cherish and shower with love. I long to share spiritual and emotional growth with someone, watch the children grow and mature with a companion at my side. I want to go on walks, hand in hand, ponder the universe, discuss the things of eternity, watch people, visit beautiful places and temples, and laugh.

In the meantime, I'm trying to bear it all with patience, and know that when the time is right, God will bring about the right circumstances for it to happen. The loneliness cannot consume me, even though sometimes I think it might, as long as I rely on my relationship with Christ to carry me through. He at least is faithful, constant, kind, and concerned for my eternal welfare.