Perhaps when the phone rings, you think, "telemarketer." Or maybe you think, "Not now...!" Sometimes we look at the caller ID and opt not to answer the phone. But isn't it wonderful how much the right voice on the other end of the phone can mean? A pick-me-up, a sudden jolt of light into a dark day, the feeling of being hugged in our hearts?
How much energy we project into our voices, the love we let creep into our tone, the warmth we let encircle those we love as we speak to them...all of those amazing things can make someone's day. Isn't it funny that we can recognize those we care about as soon as we hear that first breath? With so many of us living distant from those who are important to us, how lucky we are to have the telephone.
In Sunday school this week, we were discussing letters. I love getting letters in my mailbox. It's fun to see a hand-written note! And they are great to keep for posterity. But when it comes to the day to day grind, receiving a phone call from a friend or family member who expresses love and concern and just the right amount of "kick in the pants" can make all the difference in the world.
There are some voices I can hear in my head as I'm wrestling with things. And no, I'm not crazy...it's just that certain people have proven over and over again to have the right perspective, or the perfect way of expressing tenderness and/or caring, or a certain tone to their voice that helps me reconnect to things. I can hear, for example, Bishop Wadsworth's voice from time to time. Bishop Martin crosses my mind pretty frequently when I'm in need of a smile or feeling like someone cares. Holly's voice comes through loud and clear when I need to be calmed or refocused. Believe it or not, I sometimes hear former President Ronald Reagan's voice when I'm thinking about what makes our country great (he had such a great speech writer!). So many people to love! And I'm so grateful for all the ways in which each life touches mine. Today when I was meeting with a client, she said she believed everyone she's ever met has crossed her path for a reason. She is so right! My life (my crazy, mixed up, insanely hectic life) has been blessed by so many wonderful individuals!
A friend of mine messaged me yesterday that my ward is my family, and my strength, and my support. How right she is! And all the voices from each of you that have given me peace, hope friendship, love, understanding, kindness and energy...each of you are my course-correctors, even when we don't actually get to talk. Thank you so much for the joy you bring into my life!!!!!
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Monday, October 20, 2008
Sleepless in Fresno
I spent the day yesterday being publicly called names and had my personal life blasted all over the internet by my brother's partner. Emails flew back and forth as my brother and his partner sent hate mail to me, attacking me for trying to take away their civil rights. I guess I know a little now what it's like to run for public office. :-)
What I tried to make a message of love has been received as a message of hate. What I tried to express to my brother in private as my right as an American to disagree with his viewpoint (in response to his PUBLIC request for me to do so on facebook) has turned into a public roast. Despite knowing that I am on the correct side of this issue morally speaking, it kills me to have my family ostracize me and treat me so disrespectfully. My family may never be the same. And though because of my religious beliefs, I am used to being the "odd one out," I don't know that we will ever have the same level of interaction again. It makes me feel really sad, and very alone. I probably should get used to that.
I just don't get what my patriarchal blessing says...that I will be a srength to my family. All I've done with my choices is cause my family to accept me less and less, even though I am trying my best to live a moral life.
Once again, the only one I can count on to pull me through is my Father in Heaven. Maybe that's the purpose of such isolating experiences...to teach us to rely on him more perfectly.
What I tried to make a message of love has been received as a message of hate. What I tried to express to my brother in private as my right as an American to disagree with his viewpoint (in response to his PUBLIC request for me to do so on facebook) has turned into a public roast. Despite knowing that I am on the correct side of this issue morally speaking, it kills me to have my family ostracize me and treat me so disrespectfully. My family may never be the same. And though because of my religious beliefs, I am used to being the "odd one out," I don't know that we will ever have the same level of interaction again. It makes me feel really sad, and very alone. I probably should get used to that.
I just don't get what my patriarchal blessing says...that I will be a srength to my family. All I've done with my choices is cause my family to accept me less and less, even though I am trying my best to live a moral life.
Once again, the only one I can count on to pull me through is my Father in Heaven. Maybe that's the purpose of such isolating experiences...to teach us to rely on him more perfectly.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Today
Wow...what a day today has been. Is anyone else just completely wiped out? I feel so exhausted I can barely move. Still, when you're a single mom and building your own business, having the luxury of checking out for a day (or a week, which is what I feel like) is just not an option.
Today, I was a "guinea pig" for the managers at NYL. I was asked to be the agent interviewed by the trainer that teaches the managers at New York Life. Mind you, this is in front of my boss, four managers, the training manager, and another observer there at NYL. I have to admit, the thought filled me with panic. I guess I have a bit of a deficiency complex already...I'm trying to do a full time job in a part time schedule, still trying against all hope to be a mom first, even though I have to work, too. Part of why I selected NYL was that it would allow me to be flexible. However, the typical agent works 50-60 hours a week, and has most evenings filled to capacity with appointments. I knew I couldn't and didn't want to do that. I knew that meant that I needed to work with businesses, which are the most difficult clients to work with because they take much longer. But since I needed day-time activity, it was a route I was prepared to try. And building the business has been slow for me, but I figured if it was meant to be, it would happen over time. Hopefully God would bless my efforts and help me along the way. I have had small successes, and it's been growing, slowly.
So I had to slay my perfectionism dragon, right there in front of everyone. I was honest about my limitations and areas of weakness. Now everyone knows how awful I really am! Yikes! Truthfully, it wasn't as horrible as I imagined through my sleepless night last evening. And I did learn some things that will help me in my business. Ultimately, it made me grateful that I have this opportunity, and reaffirmed for me that I was putting forth my best effort given my circumstances. All the things I have accomplished have been as a result of being committed to being a mom first, working hard to learn and do all I can, and giving the rest over to God. Ultimately, I know that any success I have isn't my success, it's because God saw fit to bless me.
I guess it all comes back to hope...I know that during my most difficult times, I learned that all the things we need for salvation are really just gifts from God...faith, hope, charity, the atonement. There is nothing we can do to earn these gifts. Even our best efforts are never really our best...we could always have done better. So I know that if I generally head in the right direction, as screwed up as I am and as fault-filled as I am, and try to be repentant, humble and teachable, he can make up any difference. And if that's true with something as important as our eternal destinies, doesn't it make sense that he will bless us with all that we need on this earth as well? It may not be in the way we expect, but then, we seldom see things as perfectly as he does, with an eye toward our personal growth. It's okay....I trust him.
"Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?" - Matthew 6:30
Today, I was a "guinea pig" for the managers at NYL. I was asked to be the agent interviewed by the trainer that teaches the managers at New York Life. Mind you, this is in front of my boss, four managers, the training manager, and another observer there at NYL. I have to admit, the thought filled me with panic. I guess I have a bit of a deficiency complex already...I'm trying to do a full time job in a part time schedule, still trying against all hope to be a mom first, even though I have to work, too. Part of why I selected NYL was that it would allow me to be flexible. However, the typical agent works 50-60 hours a week, and has most evenings filled to capacity with appointments. I knew I couldn't and didn't want to do that. I knew that meant that I needed to work with businesses, which are the most difficult clients to work with because they take much longer. But since I needed day-time activity, it was a route I was prepared to try. And building the business has been slow for me, but I figured if it was meant to be, it would happen over time. Hopefully God would bless my efforts and help me along the way. I have had small successes, and it's been growing, slowly.
So I had to slay my perfectionism dragon, right there in front of everyone. I was honest about my limitations and areas of weakness. Now everyone knows how awful I really am! Yikes! Truthfully, it wasn't as horrible as I imagined through my sleepless night last evening. And I did learn some things that will help me in my business. Ultimately, it made me grateful that I have this opportunity, and reaffirmed for me that I was putting forth my best effort given my circumstances. All the things I have accomplished have been as a result of being committed to being a mom first, working hard to learn and do all I can, and giving the rest over to God. Ultimately, I know that any success I have isn't my success, it's because God saw fit to bless me.
I guess it all comes back to hope...I know that during my most difficult times, I learned that all the things we need for salvation are really just gifts from God...faith, hope, charity, the atonement. There is nothing we can do to earn these gifts. Even our best efforts are never really our best...we could always have done better. So I know that if I generally head in the right direction, as screwed up as I am and as fault-filled as I am, and try to be repentant, humble and teachable, he can make up any difference. And if that's true with something as important as our eternal destinies, doesn't it make sense that he will bless us with all that we need on this earth as well? It may not be in the way we expect, but then, we seldom see things as perfectly as he does, with an eye toward our personal growth. It's okay....I trust him.
"Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?" - Matthew 6:30
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