Awards and Progress

Yesterday, in addition to her straight A report card, Laine brought home a stack of awards from her school. First, she was accepted into CJSF (California Junior Scholarship Federation). She was on the Honor Roll for first and second semester, and received a perfect attendance reward for both of those semesters as well. She also received a "Block B" award, which is essentially a citizenship award. And (we're not done yet!) she received an award for meeting her reading goal.

Johnny's pack meeting for cub scouts was last night, and he, too, walked away with a ton of awards. He received his Webelos badge and the following pins: Communicator, Showman, Aquanaut, Family Member, Handyman, Outdoors, Scholar, Fitness, Naturalist and Citizen. He also received the citizenship belt-loop. He's almost done with his Arrow of Light, which is one of the only things that he can put on his new Boy Scout uniform that he'll be getting next month. (He can also keep his religious square knot, which he earned long ago.) He'll be beginning 11 year old scouts very soon...his birthday is March 7th. Next month at the Blue and Gold dinner, he will be honored for the Arrow of Light. He can't wait to get out of cubs and into real scouting. He'll be eligible to go to the week long Scout Camp this summer and he's beyond excited! I'm beyond excited, too...no more cub scout day camp!

Vineyard Pruning

Saturday was a busy day. I went to pick up Kelly and Joe at the their dad's house (Fowler & 168), then drove out to the vineyard for pruning. There were breakfast burritos and fruit to enjoy (yum) as well as a lot of work to be done. We all learned to wrap and tie and cleaned up the vines for the growing season. We spent a few hours doing that, then I drove the kids back out to Clovis to their dad's. (A LOT of miles put on my car yesterday.)

The vineyard is a special responsibility. Each ward in our area is responsible for several rows. We harvest the grapes, roll them, and pick them up during the summer. In the winter, we prune and tie the grapes. There are other responsibilities as necessary, but these are the main jobs. It's a lot of fun to participate...people laugh and talk, sometimes singing as they do the work. There's a lot of teasing along with the sweating and working. The reason we can do such hard work so joyfully is that the fruit of the vineyard becomes raisins that are sent around the world for humanitarian aid provided by our church. The assistance is for both members and non-members. It is such a blessing to be able to help serve in this capacity, though it is also hard work.

After the vineyard, I went to purchase my books for the Spring semester which starts on Tuesday. It cost nearly $700. Ouch! I also repaired the faucet in the boy's shower.  I'm dreading calling the pest control companies next week about our termite situation, but it must be done.

Resolute

I don't really make New Year's resolutions. I prefer to think of each day as the start of a New Year...we can begin anew and change our lives starting right now, right where we are, this minute. (That isn't to say that I'm not above praying for changes to occur in the new year.) I'm making a few goals the focus of concerted prayer and fasting, but since these are things that I work on every day, and will continue to work on each day, I don't think of them as resolutions. Some things that have become part of my life day by day, things I am resolute about:

Be a parent first and foremost
Be grateful for everything!
Keep the commandments and repent quickly when I err
Be a better, more compassionate, service oriented person
Teach my children about the gospel, about the atonement, and about service
No wallowing...seeking instead for joy!
Actively seek education and excel at it
Take care of my own health and that of my children
Prepare myself further to be a worthy companion

This year, if all goes well, I will be finished with my bachelor's degree. I'll be taking the GRE and the CBEST. The GRE will help me have more options for graduate school, and the CBEST will (when combined with my bachelor's degree) permit me to earn some money substitute teaching before I begin graduate studies and possibly even during the time I'm in graduate school. This is requiring a lot of faith on my part as I'm trying to determine precisely the course the Lord wants me to take.

Christmas

Christmas morning came on my favorite day of the week...Sunday! I got to spend a tiny portion of the day in my favorite place of learning...church! We had been practicing our cantata for months, and to be honest, I was beginning to get annoyed with it. However, when our meeting closed for the day, the congregation sang "Away in a Manger," and all at once, I was struck with the sure testimony of the reality of our Savior and his love for us. The spirit overcame me and I could not sing. I felt like this was a gift from the Savior to me personally, a light into my heart and a lift to my spirits that I needed with every fiber of my being. It was another of the gifts of "true Christmas" that the Father blessed me with this Christmas. I'm so grateful!

The children were pretty happy with their gifts. Kelly loved her memory foam pillow (from me) and the nail polishes and remover from her siblings (all sparkly colors!). Joe was so happy to find a guitar case under the tree from me, and thrilled with the portal "turret" that he received from his siblings. Laine received the exact pillow pet she had been wanting (a panda) and from her siblings, she received a desk organizer and a bunch of writing supplies. Johnny was excited that he now has a new set of scriptures with a snap, exactly what he hoped to get. From his siblings, he received a big block of pepper jack cheese, a weather radio and a lamp (kind of like a lava lamp, only with little fish inside that "swim" around). Santa brought the family a telescope, a game called the Settlers of Catan, a new Brandon Mull book, and a bunch of edible treats for pets and people.

We have been so blessed this year. I'm looking forward to 2012 for a variety of reasons, but I can't let the year pass away without expressing again how grateful I am for the blessings the Lord has placed in our lives. We couldn't make it through each day without the love of all of our friends and family!

Thankfully

I think I've said before that Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. I love having a holiday dedicated to counting our blessings! I feel so blessed, and this year I have felt especially aware of the kindnesses of others as well as the tender mercies of my Father in Heaven. He knows me and provides things in his wisdom that he knows I need. This month, I have felt that he has answered my prayers very specifically in several regards. I have confidence that I can trust him. My heart has been touched several times in just the last week.

Some specific gratitude:
--First, that Erin and Nick made the drive safely from Davis, arriving at 4 a.m.
--Second, that all of my children are safe at home with me and all together for Thanksgiving for the first time in several years.
--For the men who fixed my heater yesterday, and for the friend who arranged it. An unexpected blessing!
--For the friends who shared our meal...Keith Levery, JoAnn, and Keith's roommate (and our new friend) Darrel. (JoAnn will be invited every year since she LIKES doing dishes! Ahh---I'm just teasing. I invite her every year because she's great company!)
--For good health and healthy bodies for my children.
--Last week, I was having such a tough time keeping it together and my good friend Keith Lawniczak brought by a fabulous lasagna dinner, salad and yummy bread that kept my family fed for more than two days.
--I'm so grateful for our home and the land around it!
--I'm thankful for education and the opportunities it will give me and my children.
--I'm so glad for our pets, who are an extension of our family.
--I'm thankful for my faith and all of the richness it provides in my life.
--Most importantly, I'm grateful for my Savior and his loving example of all that I should strive to be. It will probably take me an eternity of striving to become anything like him, but I refuse to give up.
--I'm grateful for this week of service at the storehouse and for one of the most special experiences I have had at the Bishop's storehouse on Wednesday.
--On a personal note, I'm thankful for the privilege of knowing and loving the Scoffield family.
--For men like David DeButts and Bill Scoffield, who teach my young men about being men of God, and teach my young ladies about the qualities that are most important in a future spouse.
--For the scriptures, especially 2 Nephi 4:15-35.
--I feel so blessed to be able to see and experience the beautiful earth and all it's glories! I can't wait to see the world when it has been restored to its perfect form...it's already more beautiful than my heart can take sometimes.
--What would I do without the internet and the ability to stay connected with friends and family around the world?
--We are blessed every day by the leadership in our church at all levels!
--We are thankful for the men and women who serve in the armed forces, and their families for giving up so much so that the rest of us can have so many freedoms and blessings.
--We are so blessed to live in the USA!
--For my friend Tom, who I've loved since high school, and who always pops back into my life (over the phone) at just the perfect moments with encouragement, friendship and joy.
--I have wonderful friends!

My list could go on forever. Gratitude is what keeps my heart turning back to the Lord. I hope each of you have a blessed and tender Thanksgiving!

Vacation Week!

The kids are glad to start their week off for Thanksgiving vacation. Each of them have projects they are supposed to be working on this week for school. The girls still have piano lessons and Johnny has to get ready for his first concert performance coming up in early December. Then there's the dreaded holiday homework.

I myself have class today and tomorrow (though tomorrow's classes are online at my leisure and I won't have to go anywhere!). I have a ton of homework and quizzes that I intend to do ahead of time so that I can start getting ready for finals. I also have a lot of reading to do for the national foundation I sit on the board of. Our conference call is happening a week from Tuesday.

Kelly has a date today. Can I just say, "Yikes!" Her second one with the same boy since she turned 16. Tuesday and Wednesday, we'll be working at the Bishop's storehouse. The kids have been looking forward to it.

We'll probably stay on a bit of a routine...not let the kids sleep in too late and keep them off of the computer for most of the day. We have a ton of projects to work on at home, too...not the least of which is restoring order to the boys' room. I'd like to paint their bathroom this week and investigate how to put tile backsplash up behind their sink in the bathroom. I also need to finish the unfinished bookshelf I purchased and move things around in their bedroom so that it will be easier in the future for them to keep things orderly.

And as the leaves are beginning to fall from the trees, we'll be busy working on yard work as well. We have mowing, edging, and weeding to do. The chicken coop needs a good cleaning (no more eggs till spring because my chickens are too old.). I'm debating about whether or not to eat the chickens...or rather, let others eat them since my kids probably wouldn't.

For thanksgiving, we invited our good friend Keith and his roommate and several others who might not have a place to go for the holiday. We'll be eating early so that Erin and Nick can join us if they would like. I haven't had the kids at my house for Thanksgiving in about 5 years, so it feels a little weird to be celebrating ON thanksgiving. I've been the person without a place to go on Thanksgiving for several years, though last year my friends Kelly and Dave invited me to their family's home in Visalia.

I'm sure we won't get to do everything we planned. And I'm hoping that there will be lots of unplanned moments of joy!

Halloween Photos

Johnny wanted to be a dwarf, Joe is some kind of "mad" software developer or something from Aperture  Labs (think Portal), Laine is a sack of potatoes, and Kelly is a zombie.

Laine and Kelly love these lights I found one year at Halloween...they look like candy corn. They hung them up in their room as soon as we took the decorations out.

here's a close-up of those candy corn lights. Pretty cool, huh? At least these can't give you cavities. :-)

A closer look at Kelly's Zombie costume.

Another Love Story

My children Kelly and Joseph are 21 months apart and have been close since Joe was first born. Kelly held him just moments after he was born. She immediately took to calling him JoJo, "bubba Joe" or "Boo Boo." To this day, she still calls him "Boo Boo." Kelly did most of the talking when Joe was a baby. This was probably a good thing, because although Joe didn't start talking (except names) until he was about two and a half, once he did start talking, he began speaking in complete sentences and rarely stopped. She sang him songs and dragged him around the house to where ever she wanted to play.

As they got a little older, it became evident that Joe was just as loyal to Kelly. An example of this was that when Kelly was on time out (quite a frequent occurence with Kelly), Joe would sit by her and stay on time out with her until she was done. If I took away a privilege, like dessert or swimming, Joe would refuse his privilege, too. It made it a bit complicated as a parent, because I knew that if I disciplined Kelly, Joe would suffer, too. Kelly always shared everything she had with Joe. She drew him pictures to make him smile and laugh. While Kelly's mercurial moods made her angry sometimes with Joe, Joe never once was angry with Kelly. He was patient and would wait for her to be done yelling, and then he would lean over and smile up at her, and all was fixed again.

Kelly did not like hugging or cuddling much when she was little. SHE would choose when she wanted to be hugged or cuddled. Joe was the opposite. I think when he was little, he must have felt that if he couldn't touch someone, he would disappear, because he was always very close to me, Kelly or Erin, and holding on to our clothes, arms, necks, etc. With Joe, Kelly was much more tolerant, and let him hug her and lean on her and be close to her without too much complaint.

These two children developed a pattern of talking and sharing that was unique to them. It was as if they had their own language. They would talk and laugh so fast together, it was like listening to a river. They would laugh and giggle at things only they could understand. I used to call it the Kelly and Joseph show. The younger kids all slept in the same room until Joe was 5 and Kelly was 7, when the girls all moved in together and the boys got their own room. Kelly and Joe would keep talking until Joe fell asleep. (He always fell asleep first.)  When they changed rooms, I still couldn't keep the two apart. I would always have to chase Kelly back to her room.

Even now that they are older, Kelly and Joe are just as close. Kelly still drags Joe around with her when she wants to talk with him. They still adore each other. When they are together, they talk incessantly. I bust up laughing in hilarity when I hear the two of them talking, because they're always thinking of crazy things and making up voices for the dogs, cats, and other animals. Even though Joe doesn't always go along with Kelly anymore, he's still Kelly's biggest fan.

When Joe was being teased and harassed in seventh grade because of his social anxiety/awkwardness, Kelly would tell Joe what to do or not to do so kids wouldn't tease him. Kelly's social skills were always excellent, and she used this to help Joe. Recently Joe went to his first dance. She gave him pointers...don't just say no (even though you're terrified), always smile at someone who asked you to dance, try to talk about something while you're dancing, say thank you when you're done. She looked out for him, and made sure only nice girls would dance with him. She snapped a photo of him during his first dance and sent it to me on my phone.

I delight in the love these two have for each other. I consider myself to be very lucky because all of my kids just adore each other most of the time. I think Joe has helped Kelly just as much as Kelly has helped Joe. Without Joe, Kelly might not have been able to form close connections with others to the degree that she is able to today. And without Joe's patience with Kelly, she might have spent a LOT more time on time-out. I also think his natural empathy has made Kelly more concerned for others than she might have been without her brother.

It's a love story born in heaven. These two were meant to be each other's strength on this earth. It's such a delight to see them together!

“We Serve That Which We Love”

I'm sorry I haven't done any posts lately...I've been buried! You know I love you all and think about you every day.

I had to give a talk in church this morning. For those who are interested, here's the text of my talk.
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Good Morning! I’m grateful for this opportunity to speak this morning! I have asked over and over again for the spirit to be here as I speak. I have received several witnesses that what I’m about to say is what the Lord wants me to say. I hope that even a small part of it will touch your heart.

One of the joys of belonging to the church is that we have multiple opportunities to serve one another. Sometimes, our callings are perfect for us, but most of the time, we head into callings and service with no clue what we’re doing. I don’t think I’m talking about only myself here….Have you ever wondered why our Father in Heaven wants a bunch of rank amateurs serving in this or that capacity in his church?

I would like to answer this question by reading a scripture from Matthew 22: 36-40. “’Master, which is the greatest commandment in the law?’ Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it. Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.”

We’ve all heard this scripture many times I’m sure, and yet as my progression in the gospel keeps moving forward, I am more and more convinced that these two commandments are the core of the gospel. Our relationship with God and with others, our love for them, is God’s greatest concern, and is the reason that our church is structured the way that it is.

In Elder Marvin Ashton’s talk, “We Serve That Which We Love” from the April 1981 General Conference, he says: “Day-to-day acts of service, whether for good or evil, may not seem important, but they are building cords of love that become so strong they can seldom be broken. Ours is to place our areas of love in proper perspective. Meaningful love always works for our eternal progress and not against it.”

It’s so easy to serve people that we have feelings of love for. It’s easy to serve God when we love him. Putting our time and energy into these relationships always works to our eternal benefit. To the Lord, relationships with him and with others are EVERYTHING.

However, one of the things the spirit communicated to me that I needed to address is this: Many of us have relationships in our lives that are broken, or hurting, or just not at the level that we would like to see. If we want to improve these relationships and heal them, we need to invest our service into the relationship. Even where we may feel with our earthly hearts and understanding that we already do all the work in such a relationship, service can change the hearts not just of those that we serve, but our own heart as well. This is true even where we feel we have no love left to give in a relationship. Most of the time, we are talking about the “feeling” of love. However, if we look at loving others as behaving in ways that benefit them and serve them, then perhaps we can find ways to continue to love even where the feelings of love are dormant. We can renew these feelings as we serve. Again, to quote Elder Ashton, “We serve that which we love, and we love that which we serve.” And if we feel we cannot serve one whom we ought to love but do not, then we should remember King Benjamin’s words from Mosiah 2:17: “And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom, that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings, ye are only in the service of your God.”

How can we find the courage to serve in damaged relationships? Through the atonement of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, who took upon us our individual weaknesses and sins, and all of our trials…because of him, we can face the difficult journey of healing knowing he is at our side. And if the relationships cannot be repaired, we can move forward in peace knowing that the Lord knows all we have done to make things right.

It is important that we realize that serving others and loving them needs to happen in emotionally healthy ways. Elder Ashton says, “Giving our time, the listening ear, the understanding heart, and the unconditional love, even opening doors of opportunity at times are some ways to serve those we love. But if we deprive family members of opportunities to learn to work, if we teach them to avoid or escape the responsibilities for their own actions, if we use them to further our own ambitions, then we do not serve them well or love them prudently.”

I love what he said. Our entire relationship with others is an opportunity to serve. What we say, how we say it, and how we behave are serving. We can serve others by withholding unkind words, by replacing them with positive words. We do not need to do everything for our children or others in order to be serving them. Like most things in life, we need to find a balance, a balance that helps us serve without becoming an enabler or a disabler. Elder Ashton also points out that if we have a member of our family who needs to have increased love, that we can give them opportunities to serve the family, to work and contribute. This is where a child can learn of their worth and their ability to serve, and how their love can be increased for the family.

By the way, if our relationship with our Father in Heaven is not where we would like it to be, then service of him is also a big part of the solution. If we serve in his church, not only will our love of others increase, but our love of God will also increase. As we strive to do his will and serve him by obeying him, then will our love for him continue to grow. We will be keeping the two greatest commandments!

The principle of service increasing our love works even when we are serving those we do not know. As we strive to serve those around us that we haven’t gotten to know yet, our love for them will increase.

It is not just people that we love, though, is it? We also invest our time and energy into work, into hobbies, into diversions. We come to love those things that we invest our time in. Therefore, we must be careful that our time, service and energy are directed to worthwhile pursuits. Here again, Elder Ashton cautions us: “Equally apparent in the world today is the love of that which is evil. We may jeopardize our future by loving and sacrificing for that which is not conducive to our health or our progress.” A bit further along he says…“One of the greatest accomplishments of Satan in these last days is his success in turning men’s affection towards the destructive, the fleeting, or the worldly.”

This turning of affection doesn’t happen in a moment. It happens gradually, over time, as we invest our sacrifice and our service into areas that might even seem good or desirable at first. We might seek a better job in order to provide better for our family, and become so consumed with the desire to provide better and better for them that we begin to invest our time to an extent that we sacrifice that which we intended to provide for. Elder Ashton says, “As adults, if our top priorities are constantly directed toward the acquisition of more and better worldly goods, it will not take long to increase our love in those directions. The purchase of a larger house or a nicer car or a more expensive boat may cause us to sacrifice our resources and develop an unwise love for these symbols of success and pleasure. We learn to love that which we serve, and we serve that which we love.”

Sometimes we find ourselves seemingly trapped by these unwise pursuits, or by sinful diversions. How do we stop loving those things that we should not love? According to Elder Ashton, we must, “stop the expenditure of time and effort in these directions. If this can be managed, then that love will wither and die. Our love should be channeled into sources that are eternally oriented.”

This might mean turning off the computer. It might mean redirecting our thoughts. We might need to stop having certain people in our lives. More importantly, it means replacing those diversions or sins with activities that allow us to serve others and God instead of following after the same destructive patterns that have consumed our lives.

I know God loves us. He does not want to be discouraged. Whenever we decide to serve him and others, he will bless our efforts and help us. I love this time of year…it’s almost Easter! I look forward to it every year because it has such deep meaning for me in my life. As Easter approaches, I find myself reflecting more and more on the ultimate act of service and grace provided by his son, Jesus Christ. I am so grateful for the love that he has for us, a love that we can only begin to comprehend. When he was in the Garden of Gethsemane, he knelt and took upon him my sins. His thoughts were of me and of you individually.

As I reviewed this talk this morning, I prayed and asked my Father in Heaven if all that I had included in my talk was pleasing to him. I felt peace that it was. I then turned to BYUTV online, and caught the tail end of an address by President Uchtdorf. Much to my surprise, he quoted the same scripture in Matthew that I included in my talk, and discussed how keeping these two commandments allows us to follow ALL of the commandments and blesses us. He then finished with this statement: “Love is the way of the disciple.”

I know that service is the key to love, it is the key to obedience, and ultimately it is the key of happiness in this life. I’m so grateful for the gift of the Holy Ghost, who testifies of truth, for his presence in my life and for the inspiration that he grants to me. I’m grateful for my Savior, who is the ultimate example of “Serving that which we love.”

Women's Conference

I've been to a lot of women's conferences and other meetings for women in the past year. I attend the Fresno Women's Network Luncheon regularly. I also attend their two annual events. I enjoy what I learn at the Central Valley Women's Conference and the monthly women's business owners roundtable. A good friend of mine and I also hold a monthly mentoring meeting for women. I enjoy all of these functions and have great friends at all of them. I always learn something and meet people who are amazing.

Yet none of those events compares to what I feel when I attend functions for the Relief Society. For those of my readers who do not know, the Relief Society is the women's organization in our church. Our local stake had a Conference today, which we have not had in a long time. We signed up to attend classes on various topics, were provided lunch, and enjoyed the company of great sisters throughout the day. It was fabulous! My friend Cresta and I signed up to sing with the choir, and we sang 8 hymns as prelude before the meeting started. The whole event was a spiritual feast!

Here are some thoughts that stood out to me today. Even though their thoughts are in quotes, they are not direct quotes (I can't write that fast!):

Sister Lawrence: (Topic: Being filled with light)"Don't dwell on the things of the world or the mistakes you've made...if you do, you'll stand still. When you're standing still, you will regress spiritually. Instead, keep your eye single to the glory of God and move forward. And remember..the Lord NEVER gives up on us. He fights for us! He gave his life for us."

Dr. Jones: (Topic: How to give your teenagers the light they need) "Church programs protect our teenagers, but they do not inoculate them. They can be taken in by the world. The answers we need to combat the world are always found in the scriptures and service. Start your children early on serving others. Remember, nothing good happens after midnight. Make it a rule never to be broken! Teach them that sex belongs to marriage only. Teach the gospel in your home and remember, you WILL receive personal inspiration regarding how to help your teenagers."

Sister Thacker: (Topic: Does your light need adjusting?) "Like the butterfly, we all have to struggle against life in order to become strong and beautiful and in order to fly home to our Father in Heaven. Remember the story of Martha and Mary...sometimes the good stuff has to wait so that we can do the best stuff...like taking care of ourselves, filling our lives with the word of God. Learn to be present here in this moment, now. Don't wish away the moments (even the bad ones) because life is terribly short. The only things we can take with us when we die are our relationships and our testimonies, so when you prioritize your life, make sure these are first. Consider this: "Be ye therefore perfect" does not mean what we think it means. It means to be whole/complete/finished. We are supposed to be perfect in faith, hope and charity, but even these cannot be attained without the help of our Savior. We have to ask for help through the Savior...only he has the power to do this!"

I'm so grateful for the day that all of us were able to enjoy! I'm grateful for specific inspiration that the Lord gave me during this event about my family. Love you all!

Cherish

I've seen it a hundred times, maybe even more. The way a husband, wrinkled and worn from the cares of this world, holds tight to the hand of his wife as he looks with concern toward her. The caress of a wife as her husband of 48 years lies bedridden in hospital. The unspoken words that pass in a multitude of ways between a couple devoted to one another.

My own grandparents were an explosive couple. (Aren't they cute in this photo?) French Canadian and hot tempered, words flew between them like mad hornets. Yet I remember them speaking sweet words of love in French to one another as well, and singing love songs in both languages. They never went anywhere in public when they weren't holding hands. And while the words were often filling up the spaces of their life, plenty was said in the moments when no words were spoken at all.

What I love about these older couples is the sense that they not only love one another, but that they cherish one another. From my perspective, while our society is in love with being in love, we have forgotten what it is to cherish. That is what touches me so much about the moments I witness, at church, in hospitals, at restaurants, in senior villages...anywhere, really. The sense of accepting and loving a person as they have been, as they are right now, and as they will be tomorrow.

It's not just couples that should cherish one another. Brothers, sisters, friends...there are so many people in our lives that we have been blessed with. Time on this earth is short. And what we have of our time should be invested in truly discovering one another, letting ourselves be discovered, and learning to treasure our differences, our similarities, our connectedness.

For some of us, myself included, putting ourselves out there feels almost too risky, particularly after we've been hurt. However, relationships and people are worth it. The way that some people love is different from the way that we ourselves love. I try to remember in my own life that none of us "deserves" love...love is a gift! It is a gift that should be cherished.