Forgiving

I've been examining my life to see if there are people that I haven't forgiven yet that I need to. The short answer is yes. Even when I think I've forgiven all, there are things that come up that are hurtful that reopen old wounds, and I need to refresh my perspective (and my spirit) by letting go.

I'm preparing myself to forgive more perfectly by looking at my notes and pondering what I've learned about the atonement. I've come to realize over the years that when the leaders of the church and the scriptures place the atonement as the central (core) doctrine of our faith that they really know what they are talking about. And daily experiences (as simple as someone's unintentionally hurtful Facebook post, for example) keep calling me back, reminding me that the atonement is an every day and an every moment principle/power in our lives, if we will let it be.

As it relates to forgiveness, one of the most powerful thoughts I cling to is this: Jesus Christ paid the price for all of our sins. Not just mine. Not just members of the church. Not just "good" people. He paid the price for every person.

This is particularly important for me to remember when I'm confronted with someone who is NOT sorry, not repentant, and who is likely to keep hurting me, or when the hurt will confront me every day for the rest of my life. It's easy to justify not forgiving someone who repeatedly hurts us, isn't it? "They're just going to do it again." Or this one: "I don't have to forgive unless they ask to be forgiven, until they say they're sorry."

And yet, how many times have I myself sinned, even repeated the same sin, and yet God forgives me because of the sacrifice of his Son? Jesus has already paid the price. And while God can require repentance as a condition of forgiveness, the scriptures teach me that I am required to forgive all people, all things.

At times in my pain and misery, I feel like Nephi's brothers, crying out: "Behold, it is a hard thing which the Lord hast required of me!" Yet because it is our Savior who asks it of me, I struggle to overcome the "natural" woman in me and forgive. After all, if my perfect Brother who never committed sin has already paid the debt through his sacrifice, isn't refusing to forgive the same as saying to my Savior, "The price you paid for this hurt isn't enough for me. I want double payment!" As in, payment from the Lord and from my injurer.

The Lord takes the sin of the sinner upon him, and then all that is required is to forgive the Lord. Who couldn't forgive the Lord? And yet, because we are human and living in the flesh, trapped in time, these things are hard! Forgiveness is hard. Don't you think the Lord knows it is hard? Because he knows it is hard, the Lord reminds us every week of his sacrifice through the sacrament. (And you thought it was only to cleanse away our sins!) He strengthens us and helps us along this journey, loving us perfectly as we come to understand and always remember the atonement. He is patient while we heal and take courage enough to forgive.

The blessing for forgiveness is a clear conscience, a fullness of the Spirit, a heart devoid of anger and hate, and full instead of profound love for our Savior as well as His perfect love for us. While the atonement is the vehicle of the gospel, love is the fuel. Let's make sure our tanks are full!!