Love Notes

I've come to realize that God meant it when he said it is not good for man (or woman) to be alone, though I've learned a lot from my solitude the last six and a half years. And to be honest, I needed a little time on my own to heal from all that I had been through and to rest from the constant, frenzied pace of my life before. I try to pray for but not obsess over my desire for a companion, but loneliness does overtake me now and then. When I'm feeling lonely, I consciously take note of all the ways God tells me he loves me that day. Here are some things I noticed yesterday:

• My oldest daughter told me she loved me in the morning, even after I was grumpy to her!
• A beautiful sunrise, full of silver and pink and orange!
• My children standing on the sidewalk making "air hearts" when I dropped them off for school.
• A lovely patch of purple flowers "spotlighted" by God! (Literally all lit up!)
• A car engine that doesn't sound like a jet engine anymore.
• Watching a man at college saving a bee from being stepped on in the cool of the morning. (That really touched my heart for some reason.)
• The sweet taste of oranges and strawberries at lunch.
• No runny nose yesterday!
• A stunning sky and a nice breeze most of the day.
• Being able to hear my daughters practicing piano. (Please God, help me to always be able to afford to give them this gift!)
• 1 day closer to my degree.
• My son Johnny's giant smile when I picked him up after school yesterday.
• My children giggling and having imaginative conversations in their "Abby" and "Syrah" voices.
• Being surrounded by my children all giving me a group hug before they headed to their dads.
• Chipotle! (mmmm!)
• Coming home to a safe, secure home filled with love and peace, even when the kids weren't here.
• The peace I felt as I prayed and studied the scriptures.

I hope I live my life in such a way that He knows I love Him, every day!

Hard times

Wow. A 9.0 earthquake in Japan followed by a tsunami that was horrifying to watch even on TV, and now, the nuclear problems they are having. I feel so sad. Not too many people died from the earthquake, but the tsunami took many people's lives, swept out to sea or drowned in their homes or in their cars. The electricity is out, water in many areas is undrinkable, the weather is turning bitter cold. To watch them standing in line for food and water now just breaks my heart, though I am impressed with the self-control and integrity they show as a nation. I can only imagine what conditions must be like in those areas. To add to that the fear of radiation poisoning must be incredibly hard!

Naturally this brings up a lot of questions for the kids. They are very concerned for the people who live there, and we were discussing the missionaries and members in those areas, too. We talked about how busy it must be on the other side of the veil with the passing of so many people at once. We've also talked about how fortunate we are to live where we do and to have the abundance that we have. How grateful we are for the knowledge that this earthly life is only one part of the plan of salvation, and that all those spirits will still have the opportunity to come to the knowledge of God and his plan of happiness for us! We are talking about what we can do for the people of Japan. Of course we've been praying for them, but also talking about the humanitarian fund that the church has and keeping tabs on how we can help. We're trying to think of other ways we can be of support, too. Doing practical things to help keeps the emphasis off of the more depressing elements. Still, it's tough to watch and hear about constantly.

In times like this, it always helps me to ponder the atonement. The kids and I are working our way through "The Infinite Atonement" chapter by chapter on Sundays. I feel like this is the most critical thing we can study as a family. If they have an understanding of the atonement and its infinite nature, then they will be far ahead of most people in the world, and if they can gain a true testimony of it and cling to it all their lives, then they will be tremendously blessed and have a "pearl of great price" that will sustain them all their days in this world filled with strife, trial and tragedy. I feel like we could study the atonement all our lives and still gain knowledge daily. That is my goal...to keep expanding our knowledge of the Savior and all he has done for humankind.

In the meantime, we'll keep our focus on the eternal things, and keep Japan's people foremost in our prayers.

Pi Day

Today was Pi day! Get it? 3.14.....

Joe made a shirt for Pi day (which I'm trying to get Kelly to take a photo of so that I can post it here. I don't have a digital camera). Have you ever heard my kids sing the Pi song? It's pretty funny. Joe has Pi memorized out to something like 25 digits, and I think Johnny has it memorized to about 12. For family home evening, we had -- guess what? -- pie for dessert! Sara Lee chocolate cream. Mmmm! Except I couldn't have any since I've given up desserts until Easter. Sigh.

Our lesson was on the Prodigal Son, which we really enjoyed. We talked about the atonement and how it makes us "at-one" with one another in addition to God if we let it. We sang "Families Can Be Together Forever" and since we're learning to conduct at the same time, we sang it twice. Johnny said I conduct like a girl, and he wouldn't do it that way, so I had to show him how to conduct like a boy.

We played Clue and I won. Sort of makes up for no dessert. But only sort of.

Women's Conference

I've been to a lot of women's conferences and other meetings for women in the past year. I attend the Fresno Women's Network Luncheon regularly. I also attend their two annual events. I enjoy what I learn at the Central Valley Women's Conference and the monthly women's business owners roundtable. A good friend of mine and I also hold a monthly mentoring meeting for women. I enjoy all of these functions and have great friends at all of them. I always learn something and meet people who are amazing.

Yet none of those events compares to what I feel when I attend functions for the Relief Society. For those of my readers who do not know, the Relief Society is the women's organization in our church. Our local stake had a Conference today, which we have not had in a long time. We signed up to attend classes on various topics, were provided lunch, and enjoyed the company of great sisters throughout the day. It was fabulous! My friend Cresta and I signed up to sing with the choir, and we sang 8 hymns as prelude before the meeting started. The whole event was a spiritual feast!

Here are some thoughts that stood out to me today. Even though their thoughts are in quotes, they are not direct quotes (I can't write that fast!):

Sister Lawrence: (Topic: Being filled with light)"Don't dwell on the things of the world or the mistakes you've made...if you do, you'll stand still. When you're standing still, you will regress spiritually. Instead, keep your eye single to the glory of God and move forward. And remember..the Lord NEVER gives up on us. He fights for us! He gave his life for us."

Dr. Jones: (Topic: How to give your teenagers the light they need) "Church programs protect our teenagers, but they do not inoculate them. They can be taken in by the world. The answers we need to combat the world are always found in the scriptures and service. Start your children early on serving others. Remember, nothing good happens after midnight. Make it a rule never to be broken! Teach them that sex belongs to marriage only. Teach the gospel in your home and remember, you WILL receive personal inspiration regarding how to help your teenagers."

Sister Thacker: (Topic: Does your light need adjusting?) "Like the butterfly, we all have to struggle against life in order to become strong and beautiful and in order to fly home to our Father in Heaven. Remember the story of Martha and Mary...sometimes the good stuff has to wait so that we can do the best stuff...like taking care of ourselves, filling our lives with the word of God. Learn to be present here in this moment, now. Don't wish away the moments (even the bad ones) because life is terribly short. The only things we can take with us when we die are our relationships and our testimonies, so when you prioritize your life, make sure these are first. Consider this: "Be ye therefore perfect" does not mean what we think it means. It means to be whole/complete/finished. We are supposed to be perfect in faith, hope and charity, but even these cannot be attained without the help of our Savior. We have to ask for help through the Savior...only he has the power to do this!"

I'm so grateful for the day that all of us were able to enjoy! I'm grateful for specific inspiration that the Lord gave me during this event about my family. Love you all!

Sad News, Good (?) News

We received some sad news yesterday. Apparently Tuesday night at the intersection of Barstow and Maroa, one of Kelly's childhood friends was in a terible car accident. Kelly knew her when she attended Gibson, and they were good friends at that time. She was the only one injured. I believe she was sitting in the back seat of the car. Her injuries are very serious, and she is experiencing swelling of her brain, one eye has completely collapsed and the other eye was seriously injured, though they hope she will be able to regain some vision in that eye. There have been hopeful signs...she is responding to people, including a request to know if she was in pain. She has a lot of friends and family praying for her, including ours. The next few days is critical for her...if the swelling continues or if she gets an infection, it could cause further injury. Please pray for S. and her family!

I also received news yesterday about my dad. Last week, he began experiencing severe pain, cramping and muscle fatigue in his legs and lower body. We were very concerned. He went to the doctor on Monday, and the doctor believes his problem is a side effect of the medication he was on for his cholesterol. He ran some bloodwork, and we'll know more in a few days, but so far all the results are normal. He obviously stopped taking his medication.

I went yesterday to national anxiety screening day at Fresno State. I went because I get extra credit in one of my classes for doing so, but in a way it was a good thing. I've been having some recurring nightmares about bad things happening to the children, as well as increased general anxiety, and when I went through the screening process, I realized that those are post-traumatic stress symptoms rearing their heads. Just knowing that makes me feel relieved, though it does make me look around at what might be triggering it. The counselor I talked to briefly said that I had been through a lot and it seemed I was dealing with everything very constructively. A lot of students participated. Hopefully they are able to help anyone who needs it!

I'm trying to find time to get photos from Johnny's birthday loaded...maybe Saturday after the women's conference. Right now, I need to get back to homework!

I think I can...

I dunno...these last couple of weeks I've felt like I've been hanging on by my fingernails...homework, tests, research proposals, summary presentations, and that's just my classes. Nevertheless, today I received back three tests and discovered that I earned an A on all of them! That means (so far) that together with my other work I have an A in all my classes. Now, in this next week: a ten page rough draft of a research paper, a final draft on the research proposal, three more article summaries and a midterm. I have three little words running through my head, like the little engine that could...I think I can, I think I can, I think I can....

Sounds of the Cavanaugh Home

Mom: (notices Johnny with his head on the table) Johnny, are you okay?
Johnny: Yeah, I'm meditating.
Mom: Really, why?
Johnny: I'm getting ready to do psychokinesis. I have to meditate for 30 minutes.
Mom: Oh. What are you meditating on?
Johnny: Nothing.
Mom. (trying not to laugh) Hm. Where did you learn about that?
Johnny: On a website.
Mom: Okay, good luck with that.

Exploring

My son Johnny wants to be an explorer when he grows up. I could easily see him being in the National Park Service, or working as a researcher on a science team. He loves to grow things, look at things, build things. He has a sharp eye for distant landscapes and wildlife, and geography is one of his favorite subjects. My other kids ask to go get food or visit the bookstore (Joe!) when it's their turn to pick our destination. Johnny would rather go to the ocean, or the mountains, or anywhere there's something new to see or do. He is my biggest helper when we go camping, eagerly setting up the tent, determining the layout of the campsite, reminding me of the rules of camping or the particular area we're in. He and I share a common love for the beauty of the world (though at his age, he calls it "cool" not beautiful).

So I wasn't surprised yesterday when he wanted to go "exploring." We headed off to Woodward Park to hit the Lewis Eaton Trail. Kelly had her camera in tow, as she usually does these days. We walked a bit and before long, Johnny spotted a way to get off the trail and down to the various bodies of water down by the river. We went down a very steep path, holding on to a chain link fence nearly the whole way. (Oh, wait...that was just me holding on!) We looked in holes, drainage pipes, bushes, swampy areas, all the time making our way toward the river. It turns out the mosquitoes got too dense and hungry, and we ended up turning around and heading back earlier than Johnny would have liked.

It was a nice evening activity, and we had a great time checking things out, like this "bridge over troubled waters." Well, you can't see the bridge because I was standing on it to take the photo. Afterward, we went home to eat ribs, pilaf, steamed broccoli, and bread.

I hope he gets to fulfill his dream of being an explorer. I hope I get to go with him!

Double Digit Day

Johnny will be turning ten on Monday, and I don't know if I'm ready for all of my kids to be double digits. It makes me feel sad, and old. All my babies are growing up! I know, I know...they're supposed to do that! But it makes my heart ache to see the wonderful years of their youth pass so quickly.

I always wanted to have a large family...some people would say I do, since I've been blessed to be mother to five wonderful children, four of whom I've birthed myself. But I really wanted to have even more children. I would have taken as many as God would give me! Being a mom is the finest blessing I can imagine. And even though I'm not great at it somedays, in general, I feel like I've done a pretty good job.

In our family, all of the family members turn odd the same year, and of course, even the same year. (Some of my friends and family will tell you we are ALWAYS odd. That's a fair assessment.) This year is our even year. By September, my loves will be 10, 12, 14, 16 and 24. (sigh) It began February 15th with Erin, Johnny is next, mine is in May, Joe is June 28th then Laine July 5th. Kelly hits her milestone birthday on September 28th.  I'm not sure my heart can take it.

In the meantime, I need to figure out what to do for Johnny's big day. I asked him if he wanted to go to Boomers on his birthday, and he said he would rather stay home and eat cupcakes. Bless his little heart! He doesn't want me to bring any treats to his school, either. What to do, what to do?

The Yard

The water meters will be turning on soon, and I'm thinking spending money on watering grass is very foolish. I would rather plant edible things in my yard together with drought tolerant beauties. That will involve a tremendous amount of work!

I'm feeling the pressure...Spring is almost here, and I have to make a decision about my grass/yard. I'm trying to figure out how to fit all the responsibilities in I have now, plus changing the yard, moving irrigation, planting my garden, cleaning up the yard, installing more sections of fencing, pruning trees, etc.

I'm so blessed to have this beautiful property, and I don't mean to be ungrateful. But I have to admit, it seems overwhelming at times.