Thankfulness

Another post for the day...I just wanted to tell you what great daughters I have.

Yesterday, Laine and I worked together to get the table cleared, kitchen cleaned, and livingroom straighted up. When I have to do these things by myself, I get overwhelmed, and her helping, without even being asked, made getting the job so much more rewarding. She even swept the floor!

Also yesterday, I had some great feedback from one of the leaders of Kelly's Young Women organization. She told me that Kelly makes everyone around her feel happy and feel good about themselves, and that she has a lot of joy in her soul. That makes me feel so pleased!

Here's a photo of her with some of her friends at Celestial Bridal and Prom trying on wedding dresses and modest prom dresses. Aren't they lovely?

Pool Madness

Anyone who knows me knows that the relationship I have with my pool is love-hate. I love having the pool for the kids and their friends to swim in. I loved everything about the pool when someone else took care of it and we had enough financial resources to buy all the equipment parts, supplies, electricity that it needed to look it's best, and when I could afford a gardener to come and spend time cleaning up the weeds every year when spring hit.

Then when I had to start taking care of it myself, and my budget grew a lot skinnier, the "hate" part of the relationship began. Nevertheless, one thing I am very proud of is that I learned to take apart the pool filter, clean it, reassemble it, put DE in it, and get the pressure at the right level. My filter is big, so taking the filter apart and lifting the grids out for cleaning requires a lot of strength (and clothespins - for my nose!) and it's very messy work. The first few times I had to do it, I had to have a lot of help. When I was done, I used to look like the "swamp thing" - green and slimy and covered in mud and DE. It used to take me two hours to clean the filter! Now I've got it down to a science, and it takes me less than an hour from beginning to end, and though I'm still grubby, I'm not covered in slime, usually.

For the last few years, we have had an ongoing problem with my pool. First, the fiberglass siding had begun to pull away from the wall of the pool. I had to get that fixed, which meant saving for the cost of it, and not being able to keep enough water in the pool to run the filter for fear of making the problem worse. After we fixed the pool surface, then we discovered that my pool filter was broken, and by the time we got it fixed, the algae had taken over, and my neighbors had called mosquito control and asked them to treat my pool (even though there were no mosquitoes in my yard). The oil they put in the water completely ruined my pool. No amount of cleaning or chemicals seemed to get it under control. We bought a new sweep. We changed out the motor (costs less to run now!). I looked into where to buy dynamite. Multiple times. We finally managed to get it under control at the end of last season.

I let my pool lay dormant for the winter because I refuse to clean something we can't use during the winter. That money is better spent on food and clothing and heating. I started way back in February to try to find a day to clean my pool and filter, but the rains kept coming. Finally, this week, we are beginning to get a handle on things again! Hooray! Within a few days, it should be doing much better. I'm praying that all works right this season so we can make use of the pool the way we want! Now, to get the kids to weed the pool area...

Update from Shaela's Dad

Please continue to find a place in your hearts and in your prayers for Kelly's friend Shaela. Much love to all of you!
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From Dad....


Yesterday (Tuesday) the Dr removed the spinal fluid drain, mostly b ecause of the reaction Shae is having from the latex in the tubing I think, but they were hoping the leaks were sealed. Unfortunately, after being sick to her stomach, a leak presented itself so they will be giving her another lumbar drain today. They are currently trying to work out scheduling for an opening in the OR. Other than that, I was able to spend some quality time with her this morning as PT let me help her into a wheel chair. Her movements and communication I am happy with, still not speaking more than a word or two (when prodded) but her understanding when not too drugged up is quite good. Not sure how much she'll remember from day to day, but she overheard me on the phone tell ing someone she's been in the ICU for 3 weeks and she held up three fingers and put both hands up as to ask "really"? So I had a little talk with her. I told her about the prayer circles at school and she pointed to herself as if to ask "for me"? So I know she was surprised yet honored. I told her about how many of you are praying for her, which in one way will reveal the severity of her injuries, but also cause her to fight hard to please all of you. She is a people pleaser.... not sure where she gets that from?? ; )

Talk to you soon, and please keep talking to Jesus on our behalf....thanks.

Progress - Slow and Sure

Well, today I had my research proposal passed off and I'm ready to collect data for my research class! I'm really looking forward to completing the thing so I can stop stressing over it.

I also received my rough draft of my report for California Earth Systems, and he said it was great so far. I really love technical writing, but I haven't done it in a long time, so I was relieved to hear him say so!

The kids and I are plugging away at school. Joe is doing very well in school, and just loves his physical science class. He's the only boy I know his age who carries around physics books for fun, but since he wants to be a theoretical physicist, it's probably a good practice. He received a special award in his school for outstanding achievement in science. Kelly was invited to participate in a prestigious program back east, but it's doubtful that she'll go since the summer is booked already with water polo, "Especially for Youth," girl's camp, and youth conference. Not to mention the cost of such a program! Johnny is starting a unit about the gold rush, and is VERY excited about it. His class will be going on a field trip and doing another class play. I remember Joe doing this unit when he was in the same class in 6th grade, so it will be fun to see how Johnny's class does in comparison. Laine leaves next week for Washington, DC. She and I are both nervous about it, since she'll be going without me. Her best friend's mom is going to be the chaperone, so I know she will be looked after, but still...yikes! Her choir will do just great, I know.

“We Serve That Which We Love”

I'm sorry I haven't done any posts lately...I've been buried! You know I love you all and think about you every day.

I had to give a talk in church this morning. For those who are interested, here's the text of my talk.
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Good Morning! I’m grateful for this opportunity to speak this morning! I have asked over and over again for the spirit to be here as I speak. I have received several witnesses that what I’m about to say is what the Lord wants me to say. I hope that even a small part of it will touch your heart.

One of the joys of belonging to the church is that we have multiple opportunities to serve one another. Sometimes, our callings are perfect for us, but most of the time, we head into callings and service with no clue what we’re doing. I don’t think I’m talking about only myself here….Have you ever wondered why our Father in Heaven wants a bunch of rank amateurs serving in this or that capacity in his church?

I would like to answer this question by reading a scripture from Matthew 22: 36-40. “’Master, which is the greatest commandment in the law?’ Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it. Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.”

We’ve all heard this scripture many times I’m sure, and yet as my progression in the gospel keeps moving forward, I am more and more convinced that these two commandments are the core of the gospel. Our relationship with God and with others, our love for them, is God’s greatest concern, and is the reason that our church is structured the way that it is.

In Elder Marvin Ashton’s talk, “We Serve That Which We Love” from the April 1981 General Conference, he says: “Day-to-day acts of service, whether for good or evil, may not seem important, but they are building cords of love that become so strong they can seldom be broken. Ours is to place our areas of love in proper perspective. Meaningful love always works for our eternal progress and not against it.”

It’s so easy to serve people that we have feelings of love for. It’s easy to serve God when we love him. Putting our time and energy into these relationships always works to our eternal benefit. To the Lord, relationships with him and with others are EVERYTHING.

However, one of the things the spirit communicated to me that I needed to address is this: Many of us have relationships in our lives that are broken, or hurting, or just not at the level that we would like to see. If we want to improve these relationships and heal them, we need to invest our service into the relationship. Even where we may feel with our earthly hearts and understanding that we already do all the work in such a relationship, service can change the hearts not just of those that we serve, but our own heart as well. This is true even where we feel we have no love left to give in a relationship. Most of the time, we are talking about the “feeling” of love. However, if we look at loving others as behaving in ways that benefit them and serve them, then perhaps we can find ways to continue to love even where the feelings of love are dormant. We can renew these feelings as we serve. Again, to quote Elder Ashton, “We serve that which we love, and we love that which we serve.” And if we feel we cannot serve one whom we ought to love but do not, then we should remember King Benjamin’s words from Mosiah 2:17: “And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom, that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings, ye are only in the service of your God.”

How can we find the courage to serve in damaged relationships? Through the atonement of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, who took upon us our individual weaknesses and sins, and all of our trials…because of him, we can face the difficult journey of healing knowing he is at our side. And if the relationships cannot be repaired, we can move forward in peace knowing that the Lord knows all we have done to make things right.

It is important that we realize that serving others and loving them needs to happen in emotionally healthy ways. Elder Ashton says, “Giving our time, the listening ear, the understanding heart, and the unconditional love, even opening doors of opportunity at times are some ways to serve those we love. But if we deprive family members of opportunities to learn to work, if we teach them to avoid or escape the responsibilities for their own actions, if we use them to further our own ambitions, then we do not serve them well or love them prudently.”

I love what he said. Our entire relationship with others is an opportunity to serve. What we say, how we say it, and how we behave are serving. We can serve others by withholding unkind words, by replacing them with positive words. We do not need to do everything for our children or others in order to be serving them. Like most things in life, we need to find a balance, a balance that helps us serve without becoming an enabler or a disabler. Elder Ashton also points out that if we have a member of our family who needs to have increased love, that we can give them opportunities to serve the family, to work and contribute. This is where a child can learn of their worth and their ability to serve, and how their love can be increased for the family.

By the way, if our relationship with our Father in Heaven is not where we would like it to be, then service of him is also a big part of the solution. If we serve in his church, not only will our love of others increase, but our love of God will also increase. As we strive to do his will and serve him by obeying him, then will our love for him continue to grow. We will be keeping the two greatest commandments!

The principle of service increasing our love works even when we are serving those we do not know. As we strive to serve those around us that we haven’t gotten to know yet, our love for them will increase.

It is not just people that we love, though, is it? We also invest our time and energy into work, into hobbies, into diversions. We come to love those things that we invest our time in. Therefore, we must be careful that our time, service and energy are directed to worthwhile pursuits. Here again, Elder Ashton cautions us: “Equally apparent in the world today is the love of that which is evil. We may jeopardize our future by loving and sacrificing for that which is not conducive to our health or our progress.” A bit further along he says…“One of the greatest accomplishments of Satan in these last days is his success in turning men’s affection towards the destructive, the fleeting, or the worldly.”

This turning of affection doesn’t happen in a moment. It happens gradually, over time, as we invest our sacrifice and our service into areas that might even seem good or desirable at first. We might seek a better job in order to provide better for our family, and become so consumed with the desire to provide better and better for them that we begin to invest our time to an extent that we sacrifice that which we intended to provide for. Elder Ashton says, “As adults, if our top priorities are constantly directed toward the acquisition of more and better worldly goods, it will not take long to increase our love in those directions. The purchase of a larger house or a nicer car or a more expensive boat may cause us to sacrifice our resources and develop an unwise love for these symbols of success and pleasure. We learn to love that which we serve, and we serve that which we love.”

Sometimes we find ourselves seemingly trapped by these unwise pursuits, or by sinful diversions. How do we stop loving those things that we should not love? According to Elder Ashton, we must, “stop the expenditure of time and effort in these directions. If this can be managed, then that love will wither and die. Our love should be channeled into sources that are eternally oriented.”

This might mean turning off the computer. It might mean redirecting our thoughts. We might need to stop having certain people in our lives. More importantly, it means replacing those diversions or sins with activities that allow us to serve others and God instead of following after the same destructive patterns that have consumed our lives.

I know God loves us. He does not want to be discouraged. Whenever we decide to serve him and others, he will bless our efforts and help us. I love this time of year…it’s almost Easter! I look forward to it every year because it has such deep meaning for me in my life. As Easter approaches, I find myself reflecting more and more on the ultimate act of service and grace provided by his son, Jesus Christ. I am so grateful for the love that he has for us, a love that we can only begin to comprehend. When he was in the Garden of Gethsemane, he knelt and took upon him my sins. His thoughts were of me and of you individually.

As I reviewed this talk this morning, I prayed and asked my Father in Heaven if all that I had included in my talk was pleasing to him. I felt peace that it was. I then turned to BYUTV online, and caught the tail end of an address by President Uchtdorf. Much to my surprise, he quoted the same scripture in Matthew that I included in my talk, and discussed how keeping these two commandments allows us to follow ALL of the commandments and blesses us. He then finished with this statement: “Love is the way of the disciple.”

I know that service is the key to love, it is the key to obedience, and ultimately it is the key of happiness in this life. I’m so grateful for the gift of the Holy Ghost, who testifies of truth, for his presence in my life and for the inspiration that he grants to me. I’m grateful for my Savior, who is the ultimate example of “Serving that which we love.”

Single Adult Conference

I had the pleasure of attending the Fresno area Single Adult Conference this weekend. It began with a trip to the temple on Friday evening, which was just what I needed after a busy, crazy week. Afterward, we met at the stake center near the temple and listened to the temple president's wonderful comments, then had dessert. (Well, I didn't. Still no desserts, even when it's pie and ice cream. Aren't you proud of me?)

On Saturday, the festivities started at 9 am with breakfast, then a fabulous morning session. President Gonzales spoke, and I felt the strength of his words together with his sweet wife's penetrate my heart. I loved what he said about managing 200 missionaries...he said it's like trying to keep 200 ping pong balls under the water at the same time. One other funny detail is that Pres. Gonzales worked for the CIA for 25 years, and I found out through his talk that the CIA has a dedicated disguise room. I thought that stuff was only on kid's spy movies! He shared with us that Satan uses disguises, too, but his are much more clever. He emphasized the importance of praying and of the Holy Ghost. He also mentioned tithing and it's importance to the Lord and to us in rebuking the destroyer. Elder Trythal and his wife also spoke to us, then we broke for lunch.

After lunch, Becky Thomas addressed us, and then we broke up into workshops for the afternoon. The workshops I attended were a lot of fun. One was on improving scripture study, the second was on relationships, and the third was about cooking. After those classes, we had a service project, then dinner, and then a dance. I didn't stay very long once the dance started (since I have two left feet and no rhythm whatsoever) but I did stay to chat with a friend for a few minutes, and it seemed like everyone was having a great time.

I was really glad that I went. I found it to be inspiring, and it helped me listen to the spirit as I pondered my talk. It lifted my heart and gave me a chance to spend some time with adults from all over the stake. Apparently people rarely find a companion at these events, based on how long (and how many) some of the men and women have said that they have attended, yet they are still single. But it was fun, spiritually uplifting, and well worth my time.

Another FHE

Well, we survived another FHE...go Cavanaughs! Dinner tonight was leftover pilaf mixed with some veggies and combined with beans and cheese for a quick burrito. Our lesson was on honesty. We sang a primary song we had never sung before (or at least I haven't) called "I Believe in Being Honest." I tried to put the link in here, but this program wouldn't let me. Thank goodness for the music section of the LDS website, or we'd be singing the same three songs every week until the kids were all grown up. Phew!

For treat, I relented and let the kids break open one of the boxes of caramel delites from the Girl Scouts. It was very hard not to eat any myself, but I was true to my promise to myself, and didn't even sniff the cookies.

Okay, maybe I did sniff them.

But I didn't eat them.

Being honest is a big topic. It's all encompassing...being truthful with others, with God, and with ourselves. All the other commandments are tied up with honesty. No wonder the Lord hates lying.

St. Patrick's Day

Happy St. Patrick's Day! This day is traditionally a very fun day for the kids and me. I'm not Irish that I know of...I'm French Canadian on my mom's side, and my dad says he's a "heinz variety." (Does that make me French ketchup?) However, Patrick is half Irish and that makes my kids part-Irish! I came by my love for St. Patrick's Day long ago, before I had part-Irish children. My Aunt Selma who was red-haired and Irish used to love to make us corned-beef and cabbage. I loved being around her. She treated me like I was important, always winking and smiling at me (just like her husband, my Uncle Raymond), and teaching me wonderful things...like sewing and how to treat other people. Trust me, though...you didn't want to be caught not wearing green around her on St. Patrick's Day...she could pinch like nobody's business!


It snuck up on me today. I remembered when I first woke up, but then the frenzy of the usual morning routine made me forget again, and I neglected to remind the children that it was St. Patrick's Day until we were already en route to school. Johnny was wearing a bit of green, but Joe and Laine were not. Joe told me not to bring him anything green, and he took a green post-it with him. Laine was so distressed. Not only was she not wearing green, but she was wearing ORANGE, which she had been told was the worst color to wear on St. Patrick's Day. When she broke out into sobs, I decided that some mercy on my part was in order. I took her home and let her change her shirt and jacket to something lovely and green.


No green lemon-lime soda, no soda bread, none of the traditional fun stuff for me tonight...we'll have to have our corned beef and cabbage on Saturday or Sunday, because the kids are with their dad. What a bummer. Ah, well...at least I got to hug some leprechauns today. ;-)

Update on Shaela

I thought I'd update you on Kelly's friend Shaela. Shaela's condition is gradually improving. She was taken off of the ventilator and is breathing on her own now. They took the stitches out of her face. One eye is completely gone, but the doctors still have hope for the other eye as her optic nerve remains intact. She is being kept sedated for now because of the pain of her injuries, but she has responded with a word or two occasionally. Her family has said that she is recovering remarkably well, and that her injuries are healing up surprisingly well. Please continue to find a spot in your prayers for her and her family.

Love Notes

I've come to realize that God meant it when he said it is not good for man (or woman) to be alone, though I've learned a lot from my solitude the last six and a half years. And to be honest, I needed a little time on my own to heal from all that I had been through and to rest from the constant, frenzied pace of my life before. I try to pray for but not obsess over my desire for a companion, but loneliness does overtake me now and then. When I'm feeling lonely, I consciously take note of all the ways God tells me he loves me that day. Here are some things I noticed yesterday:

• My oldest daughter told me she loved me in the morning, even after I was grumpy to her!
• A beautiful sunrise, full of silver and pink and orange!
• My children standing on the sidewalk making "air hearts" when I dropped them off for school.
• A lovely patch of purple flowers "spotlighted" by God! (Literally all lit up!)
• A car engine that doesn't sound like a jet engine anymore.
• Watching a man at college saving a bee from being stepped on in the cool of the morning. (That really touched my heart for some reason.)
• The sweet taste of oranges and strawberries at lunch.
• No runny nose yesterday!
• A stunning sky and a nice breeze most of the day.
• Being able to hear my daughters practicing piano. (Please God, help me to always be able to afford to give them this gift!)
• 1 day closer to my degree.
• My son Johnny's giant smile when I picked him up after school yesterday.
• My children giggling and having imaginative conversations in their "Abby" and "Syrah" voices.
• Being surrounded by my children all giving me a group hug before they headed to their dads.
• Chipotle! (mmmm!)
• Coming home to a safe, secure home filled with love and peace, even when the kids weren't here.
• The peace I felt as I prayed and studied the scriptures.

I hope I live my life in such a way that He knows I love Him, every day!