My Adventure to Health

For a while there, I was in "I hate myself" mode. I hated the way I felt. I hated the way my body looked. I hated the lack of follow through. I hated my fibroids which have caused bleeding of biblical proportions for well over 6 months now.

In June, I decided enough was enough. God blessed me with a body and mind so that I could use it to make the most of this life. I began using a program to change the way I eat so that I am not skipping meals or stuffing myself to make up for skipping meals. I began to monitor when and how much I was eating. Lo and behold, Since June 1 when I began, I have lost thirteen pounds. I didn't start exercising right away because I wanted to make sure the nutritional changes I was making were beneficial to my body. However, this week, I added the exercise component.

Yesterday I ran my first couch potato to 5k training day. It was painful and hard to run for one minute at a time. I kept telling myself that nothing was going to change about the way I felt in my body unless I changed it, and I pushed through it. I know for most of my running friends, I seem like a baby. I recognize I am woefully out of shape. But for me, this was a big accomplishment. The bigger accomplishment will come when I finish tomorrow, and Friday, and Sunday, and so on, but this was a great start. I am interspersing Zumba in between these workouts for two reasons: 1) I want to learn to dance and 2) it's fun. (Even though I pretty much suck at it!) Today was more of a learning day as I learn the steps. It will be like that for a few more days of Zumba, which is just fine since I'm going to be hurting from the running, etc.

My short term goals are to lose another ten pounds by mid-September and to be able to run three miles without stopping. By next March, I want to run a half marathon with my daughter, Laine. Lofty goal, I know. I have NO desire to run a marathon...it's too hard on a person's body, but a half marathon seems doable and fun, and will likely help with my weight loss efforts.

As for the fibroids, I am still considering my options. The medication didn't help at all. The two options I am seriously considering both have drawbacks. The first is blocking the vessels that feed the fibroids. This procedure can result in pain for weeks or months after the procedure and also can cause unintentional death of other tissue in the uterus. The second procedure is a hysterectomy. The recovery time on this will vary from three to six weeks depending on how they remove the uterus. I don't have that kind of time available to be off of work paid, and I'm not sure if I will be eligible for temporary disability or not. I'm also not sure how long my work can live without me, or what accommodations can be made. My job is a very physical job. I move tables and chairs, walk five miles a day, lead exercise three times a week, and climb ladders to do decorations on a fairly regular basis. But I am prayerfully considering my options. It's clear the bleeding cannot be allowed to continue because it is causing me to be anemic, faint at times, and causing pain and all sorts of other problems that I won't go into due to the gross factor.

I feel confident the Lord will bless me in my efforts to put things right physically. I know this is the next step in bringing my life in line with his will for me and preparing myself for greater service in his kingdom. I have a lot to learn! A recent blessing I received admonished me to remember that all of my blessings are still valid, and to hold on to hope as I make my way through this life. These trials (and there are many) are to help me develop greater faith, greater strength and greater confidence in my relationship with the Lord, and none of them are the result of sin, but rather the refining necessary to prepare me to fulfill my destiny.

What comfort the gospel brings to my life. I'm so grateful every day for it!!

Birthday Week

Two birthdays this week. Joe turned 17 on June 28th, and Laine turned 15 on July 5th. Since the boys were at scout camp this week, I took Laine and Kelly to Sacramento to visit Erin and Nick and then drove us all to Great America on July 4th for some roller coaster fun. We had such an amazing time! We decided not to stay the whole day, leaving around 4 to eat at IHOP and then drive back to Sacramento. A good time was had by all. I tried to stay focused on the good things in my life and tried not to worry about spending the money I had allocated for this birthday adventure when I knew I had several big expenditures waiting for me when I got back. I know having each of these children in my life is a huge blessing, and being able to provide for the basics is nothing to be taken lightly. I am grateful for each of us being in relatively good health I am thankful that Johnny's camp injury wasn't more serious. I consider myself blessed to have the gospel. I know there are thousands of things to be grateful for each and every day. Being the mom of my children is the most profound blessing to be had on this earth.

Sacramento fun

We decided to surprise Erin on the 15th for her birthday! Since she was unable to come to Fresno, I made arrangements with Nick to drive up and be there after the activities with her friends. Saturday morning, we trimmed hedges in the back yard, then piled ourselves and our two doggies into the van. When we arrived, Erin was so excited! We didn't really do anything spectacular...ran a few errands, made tacos, ate cake and ice cream...oh, and did I mention chasing Ivan around the complex TWICE as he slipped out of his collar. Yikes! We went to church with them on Sunday and headed home around four. The kids love to be around Erin and Nick...it's always a treat. And I love the kids being around them, because they are truly living their testimonies! That's good for all of us to see.

Working mom woes

When a working mother leaves her teenagers unsupervised:

16 year old son: this morning I ate sweet potato casserole for breakfast. For lunch I had sweet potato casserole. And for dinner, I had--you guessed it--sweet potato casserole. It was a good day! Not a productive one, mind you, but a good one.

Holy cow.

18th Birthday

"O be wise; what can I say more?"
Kelly's birthday gift from me.
(Hand-blown glass from Creek Bottom Glass.)

Kelly, my first and oldest "from-my-body" daughter, turned 18 yesterday. I brought her strawberry cream cheese danishes from La Boulangerie in the morning for breakfast (one for each of us, actually). Morgan came over to hang out for a bit, and then I took her and the kids to Skywalk for an afternoon session of bouncing and general madness on the trampolines there. Her friend Leah and her boyfriend joined them there, and so did Erin & Nick, who drove down from Sacramento for the weekend to help Kelly celebrate. (While they were playing, I went to buy groceries, a task I've been putting off for far too long). After I picked up the kids and took them home (except Kelly who went with Morgan & Etc. for a late lunch), I crashed to get rid of the migraine that assaulted me.

The evening was filled with baking cakes, making tacos and hanging out. Leah, Kelly, Erin, Laine and Morgan sat on the floor in the living room and learned the cup song, which was a lot of fun to watch. Everyone was stunned at Laine's beautiful singing voice, which really made her cheeks the most delightful shade of pink. All in all, the day was filled with lots of laughter, giggling, play, and silliness.

And now, I'm putting my seat-belt on for the wild ride ahead of me. I've done all I can to teach her what is right...now she has to decide for herself what she will do with her life. "O be wise; what can I say more?"

Irony

When I was actively looking for a job, I couldn't get anyone to call me. Now that I'm happily working, I've gotten two job offers in the last week. Interesting!

Humbled.

I've been so humbled in the days since Stake Conference at the number of people who have contacted me to tell me that something in my talk touched them. And some of them are people I don't even know!

I know I felt the spirit as I prepared and delivered the talk, but sometimes I wonder if that's just me. It's nice to hear others say that something I said was carried by the spirit to bless them, because that's what I prayed for.

It's just touched my heart.

And I've been blessed to attend the temple twice so far this week (the temple will be closing for a few weeks at the end of September so I'm stocking up on service!), and I've been humbled again by the goodness of the Lord, the abundance of his blessings and his willingness to pour out inspiration and knowledge on me.

Anchored in Faith

Stake Conference Talk September 15, 2013

Good morning! My name is April Cavanaugh. I'm a member of the Van Ness Ward. I’ve been a member of this church for 24 years as of this August. I want to begin by saying what a tremendous blessing the gospel has been in my life. I’m grateful for every aspect of it. While finding and having the gospel in my life has not kept me from experiencing many trials, it has given me a sure compass to follow. Living the gospel was and is a work in progress, but my testimony of it is sure.

But in case you think that the stake presidency invited me to speak because of how amazing I am, I want to reassure you, while I’m trying to do everything I can to live the gospel, as a single mother of five with four ranging in ages from 12 to 18 still at home, I am confronted every day with my shortcomings, weaknesses and failures. And in case I miss any, my children are right there to point them out to me.  Yet I have found great peace in living the gospel, and have become anchored in faith as I have committed to doing so. 

Sometimes people will comment to me about how strong they think I am, and while I appreciate their encouragement, I know in my heart that it is not me that is strong, but the gospel which is strong. In fact, if it weren’t for the gospel, I know I would be a complete mess. Fortunately for us, the Lord doesn’t require our strength, only our willingness to never give up (AKA enduring to the end).

In the Book of Mormon, it relates the tale of the Jews who followed Moses, who were smitten with fiery flying serpents. When they were bitten, they could be healed by following some simple instructions. “and the labor which they had to perform was to look; and because of the simpleness of the way, or the easiness of it, there were many who perished.” (1 Nephi 17:41) All they had to do was to look upon the symbol that had been prepared for them, and they would not do it. At times I am like the people in this scripture, when I forget to do the simple things of the gospel that we are told will change and sanctify us. Doing prayer, scripture study, choosing the right, serving others, and attending our church meetings consistently, diligently and often, has the power to change us. We learn the foundational simple things of the gospel in primary, but life distracts us from these simple things if we let it.

The truth of the matter is that I am often overwhelmed, not only with my responsibilities as a single mother, but with the difficulties life brings as well. I keep on my desk a silhouette of a person sitting in a boat on the water. The saying underneath says: Dear Lord, be good to me. The sea is so wide and my boat is so small. The image and the saying together remind me to anchor myself in the Lord, and to recognize that one person alone can accomplish very little, but with the Lord’s help, all things are possible.

When I feel overwhelmed, I try to refocus on the little things. According to Elder Bednar: "Ordinary people who faithfully, diligently, and consistently do simple things that are right before God will bring forth extraordinary results." For me, this means constant gratitude for my blessings, prayer and scripture study, attending all of my church meetings, attending the temple and obeying the commandments to the best of my ability.  In particular, never missing an opportunity to partake of the sacrament gives me the opportunity to renew my baptismal covenants, be clean once again from my sins, as well as the ability to face another week of challenges.

Gospel knowledge and strong testimonies rarely happen overnight. We learn bit by bit. And once we learn for ourselves what is true, we must follow Elder Holland’s counsel from his conference talk entitled, Lord I Believe. Every time Elder Holland gets up to speak, I almost hold my breath throughout his talk in anticipation of what he will say, because I know it will be great and this talk was no exception. He counsels us to remind ourselves of what we know when we are faced with what we don’t. I quote: “In moments of fear or doubt in troubling times, hold the ground you have already won, even if that ground is limited.” Don’t be afraid because you lack knowledge. Hold fast to every little bit of truth you gain.

We must progress in the gospel. We stand still or regress at our own peril.  Elder Eyring said in his talk entitled Always: “As the forces around us increase in intensity, whatever spiritual strength was once sufficient will not be enough. And whatever growth in spiritual strength we once thought was possible, greater growth will be made available to us. Both the need for spiritual strength and the opportunity to acquire it will increase at rates which we underestimate at our peril.”

“My message is a plea, a warning and a promise: I plead with you to do with determination the simple things that will move you forward spiritually.”

One huge blessing available to all of us in our lives is the temple. Each time I walk up the steps to go inside, my heart is full of gratitude. I am reminded of visiting the site each week as it was being built. I think of my daughter and son, then about 3 and a half and 1 and a half, who are now 18 and 16, turning over a shovelful of dirt at the groundbreaking. I love the temple. Each time I attend, I find it deepens my faith, reconnects me with the things of eternity, gives me the opportunity to serve others, and strengthens me even in the midst of bitter trials. One of my favorite things to do is to attend the temple with my kids as they do baptisms for the dead. The joy in the room is tangible, and it does my heart good to see my children in that holy setting. I have found that when I make the effort to attend once a week or more frequently when I can, that all things run smoother in my life. I am deeply blessed by my service at the temple. 

The temple is one of the best places for me to receive revelation, because the world is shut out. Revelation through the gift of the Holy Spirit is another key to strength in the gospel. We obtain the blessing of the companionship of the spirit through doing the little things I mentioned previously. We strengthen our ability to feel it by becoming familiar with it, acting quickly on what the Lord asks us through the spirit, and making space in our lives to feel its influence. One of the things we tend to do as a society is fill up all the quiet moments with television, radio, internet, music or other distractions. Yet when I intentionally turn off distractions, or have church hymns playing quietly instead of other music, there is both time and space for heartfelt prayer and impressions from the spirit. Some of my most precious moments have come when I have followed the promptings I have received. The Lord has actively worked to transform my life through the revelations he has given me. When I move forward in faith, trusting his word, then I am demonstrating obedience and opening myself to further light.

There are few things I can count on in my life, but one thing I have come to know and trust is that if I am doing what the Lord has asked me to do, I can be sure he will bless me. He asks me to pursue certain paths. This doesn’t guarantee that things will be easy or that I will not have great trials while I obey him. In fact, in some cases, it almost seems to guarantee the opposite. Yet KNOWING that I am doing what he asked gives me confidence that I am exactly where I need to be right now. Some days I pursue the path he has asked me to take with great confidence. On other days, I hesitate and wonder, “Lord? Really?” Nevertheless, I press forward in faith. I take comfort and confidence in the fact that I know he loves me and knows me perfectly.

I know the Lord loves me. I know this because of the blessing of the gospel in my life. I know that every good thing in life comes as a direct result of God’s love for us. He teaches me this daily, and in particular through the beautiful things of this earth. He has seen fit to give me tangible evidences of his love, as well as sacred, profound experiences given when I have prayed and opened my heart to him. One of my former bishops used to tell me that everything around us testifies not just of the Lord’s love for us, but also the atonement, and since then, I have tried to ask myself over and over again, what does this situation teach me about the atonement and about God? While weeding the garden, while observing new growth in a forest ravaged by fire, while watching my dog Abby safeguard a baby bird between her paws…so many lessons around us to teach us about God if only we  let them. This practice has deepened my relationship with my Father in Heaven and has strengthened my testimony. Not only should we let the world testify to us, we should also testify to the world, to ourselves and God, to our families, and to our friends. When we bear testimony, we invite the spirit to be present, because the spirit is always present when truth is spoken.

Another source of peace in our lives is forgiveness. Not only should we seek forgiveness from the Lord, but we should exercise forgiveness and patience with others as we bump up against them in this life. There are no perfect people, even in the church. Forgive others easily, since that is what we desire most from the Lord when we ourselves make mistakes. And know that our weaknesses or the weaknesses of others will not in any way prevent God from accomplishing his purposes. As it says in 1 Corinthians 1:27: “But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty.”  And I loved Elder Holland’s comment: “So be kind regarding human frailty – your own as well as that of those who serve with you in a church led by volunteer, mortal men and women. Except in the case of His only perfect Begotten Son, imperfect people are all God has ever had to work with. That must be terribly frustrating to him, but he deals with it. So should we.”

Another source of strength uniquely available to us as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is a living prophet upon the earth. In a few weeks, we will be able to learn at the feet of the first presidency and the apostles what things the Lord wants us to know. I have learned that when I study the conference talks and act upon what I have been taught, two things happen. First, I gain a sure testimony of the divine calling of these men of God, and secondly, my life is blessed. Actually, I guess there are three things…I have come to love each of them deeply. We can rely upon their guidance, as well as the guidance of our Bishops and stake presidencies. When I am faced with a challenge, I try to seek out counsel offered on that topic from conference talks, and this has been a tremendous source of inspiration and guidance in my life. My recent completion of my bachelor’s degree, my new job and many other blessings in my life have come as I have followed the promptings I received as I studied and prayed about specific talks. In my daily life, I have been blessed with the wise counsel of my Bishop, who has supported and blessed me more than he could possibly know. 

From the same talk by Elder Holland comes this quote: “When those moments come and issues surface, the resolution of which is not immediately forthcoming, hold fast to what you already know and stand strong until additional knowledge comes.” Often that additional knowledge comes as I counsel with my bishop, review conference talks or attend the temple. Sometimes it’s a long time in coming, but I know, I KNOW, that the Lord hears me and will sustain me through my trials.

No doubt trials will come to each of us. I have had my share of trials. I have been let down by others, betrayed by them, and been disappointed by them. Trials beset me even now, and are all around me. The fallen nature of this world we live in tries my patience and often leaves me weary. The world is unpredictable, unfair, and full of pain.  Yet, I try to let even my trials testify to my heart of Christ. There is a Christian musician by the name of Laura Story. Whenever I hear her song, Blessings, I am moved to tears because it reminds me of the way that trials can bring us to Christ and strengthen our testimonies. The chorus says, “Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise.”

Who among us hasn’t experienced those sleepless nights? When we finally turn to the Lord and our soul finds peace, we are deeply blessed. But it is when we learn to turn to him first that we have truly learned that he is as near as a whisper. I have been blessed to learn again and again that prayer, heartfelt and sincere, is truly a gift from God. And our trials, however hard they are to bear, can turn our hearts to the Lord and bind us to him in love.

Later the song says, “When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home.”

While we live upon this earth, in the thick of earthly things, this is not our home. Our home is with our Father in Heaven and our Savior Jesus Christ, and with our families who have been sealed to us through temple covenants. When we are anchored in faith, and let the world around us testify of the atonement, we are anchored in the things of eternity. Build our lives around the one sure foundation. Hold fast to the true and living gospel of Jesus Christ. In this there is safety, strength and peace.

I would like to conclude with the words to one of my favorite hymns, Lead Kindly Light. “Lead kindly light, amid the encircling gloom. Lead thou me on! The night is dark, and I am far from home. Lead thou me on! Keep thou my feet…I do not ask to see the distant scene. One step enough for me.”

Step forward in faith. Lean on the one sure rock of our faith, Jesus Christ. Trust that this gospel is his work and can transform even the most rebellious of souls. I know this because he is transforming me. In a world where everything changes, he is unchangeable, constant and never varies from that which is right. He does not require our strength…he has enough strength for us all. He requires our obedience, and if we never give up, he will lead us step by step through the darkest of nights into the brilliant light of celestial glory.

Running Away

A little gift shop and studio in Three Rivers. We
loved the architecture.

Behind the studio was this little treasure...

   I decided to have Kelly practice her driving today by helping me to escape from Fresno.
   We headed out first to Valley Animal Center where we were tempted by many adorable dogs and puppies, but we successfully resisted all cuteness and pleas for a new home.
   Then I decided to head out to Three Rivers, where there was supposed to be an Art Festival today until 5 pm. So Kelly took us on Highway 99 to Highway 198 and out toward the little town of Three Rivers.
    I had forgotten how large the Sierra Nevadas are, and today reminded me. Because of the air conditions here in the valley, I don't get to see them much, but as we drove out, they kept getting clearer and clearer, and I was shocked at how tall they seemed.
   We listened to Kelly's choice of music as we drove along. Soon the fairly straight road turned curvy and the surroundings became more interesting. Guided by the GPS in my phone, we continued past big oaks, brush, and hills of various sizes.
   We arrived into the town, but could find no festivals, or signs of festivals, anywhere. We did however stop at a few shops and studios.

I loved the rocks. I wonder what it looks like when the
rivers are really flowing?

A little stand of trees.

Part of a bench that caught my eye.

I loved this glass piece.

Art everywhere we looked!

This path kept calling my name.
I resisted only because I was in sandals.

A real Art Kitty.

Don't you just love this tree's branches?

No wonder people live in Three Rivers...look at that view!

Gorgeous!

More, more and MORE therapy!

Johnny with a rare smile captured on
camera. And look at all those grapes he harvested!

Laine harvesting her first bunch
of grapes this year!

 We spent our Wednesday evening harvesting grapes for our church's welfare vineyard. Each ward is assigned several rows, and the rows are LONG!! All of the grapes harvested here are used to make raisins for the humanitarian efforts of the church worldwide. They also make an appearance at Bishop's storehouses across the nation to feed hungry members of our church.

A picture of the fruits of our labors.
It was a small crop this year.

Give a teenage boy a knife and this is what happens.
Sheesh. Boys!

   It was 96 degrees when we arrived, and I wasn't sure I could do much. I have a very physical job and when I arrived home, I was exhausted. I had to close my eyes for what was supposed to be 15 minutes but turned into half an hour. I woke up, got dressed in my grubbies and collected the children and headed off to the vineyard. I have to admit, even though I wanted to do my part, spending a couple of hours in the heat doing so as tired and dehydrated as I have been sure didn't seem like it should be number one on my list. Nevertheless, I set out to be a good example for my children and do it whether I wanted to or not. As it turned out, we all had fun (except for the part where I cut myself while trying to pry/cut grapes from the wires!) and the weather cooled off dramatically as the evening progressed.

More messing around for the photo. Of course, I never let
them behave this way normally. But if I wanted a
photo, a compromise had to be made.

   We have some rows to finish, so it's likely that we will be at the vineyard again on Saturday morning. But if we are finished by then, I plan on attending the temple again! Serving others is the best kind of therapy. I know I'm doing something meaningful, and I can feel good about how I've spent my time, without any regrets at all.
   And best of all, I know that my family is blessed every time we do service for others!