For a while there, I was in "I hate myself" mode. I hated the way I felt. I hated the way my body looked. I hated the lack of follow through. I hated my fibroids which have caused bleeding of biblical proportions for well over 6 months now.
In June, I decided enough was enough. God blessed me with a body and mind so that I could use it to make the most of this life. I began using a program to change the way I eat so that I am not skipping meals or stuffing myself to make up for skipping meals. I began to monitor when and how much I was eating. Lo and behold, Since June 1 when I began, I have lost thirteen pounds. I didn't start exercising right away because I wanted to make sure the nutritional changes I was making were beneficial to my body. However, this week, I added the exercise component.
Yesterday I ran my first couch potato to 5k training day. It was painful and hard to run for one minute at a time. I kept telling myself that nothing was going to change about the way I felt in my body unless I changed it, and I pushed through it. I know for most of my running friends, I seem like a baby. I recognize I am woefully out of shape. But for me, this was a big accomplishment. The bigger accomplishment will come when I finish tomorrow, and Friday, and Sunday, and so on, but this was a great start. I am interspersing Zumba in between these workouts for two reasons: 1) I want to learn to dance and 2) it's fun. (Even though I pretty much suck at it!) Today was more of a learning day as I learn the steps. It will be like that for a few more days of Zumba, which is just fine since I'm going to be hurting from the running, etc.
My short term goals are to lose another ten pounds by mid-September and to be able to run three miles without stopping. By next March, I want to run a half marathon with my daughter, Laine. Lofty goal, I know. I have NO desire to run a marathon...it's too hard on a person's body, but a half marathon seems doable and fun, and will likely help with my weight loss efforts.
As for the fibroids, I am still considering my options. The medication didn't help at all. The two options I am seriously considering both have drawbacks. The first is blocking the vessels that feed the fibroids. This procedure can result in pain for weeks or months after the procedure and also can cause unintentional death of other tissue in the uterus. The second procedure is a hysterectomy. The recovery time on this will vary from three to six weeks depending on how they remove the uterus. I don't have that kind of time available to be off of work paid, and I'm not sure if I will be eligible for temporary disability or not. I'm also not sure how long my work can live without me, or what accommodations can be made. My job is a very physical job. I move tables and chairs, walk five miles a day, lead exercise three times a week, and climb ladders to do decorations on a fairly regular basis. But I am prayerfully considering my options. It's clear the bleeding cannot be allowed to continue because it is causing me to be anemic, faint at times, and causing pain and all sorts of other problems that I won't go into due to the gross factor.
I feel confident the Lord will bless me in my efforts to put things right physically. I know this is the next step in bringing my life in line with his will for me and preparing myself for greater service in his kingdom. I have a lot to learn! A recent blessing I received admonished me to remember that all of my blessings are still valid, and to hold on to hope as I make my way through this life. These trials (and there are many) are to help me develop greater faith, greater strength and greater confidence in my relationship with the Lord, and none of them are the result of sin, but rather the refining necessary to prepare me to fulfill my destiny.
What comfort the gospel brings to my life. I'm so grateful every day for it!!
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