A few weeks ago, I took a study break and attended the missionary farewell for Elder Moreno and the other missionaries returning home tomorrow. His sweet testimony and kind heart endeared him to my children and I while he was in our ward. We loved having him over for dinner!
There were ten missionaries going home. Several testimonies touched my heart, but one in particular almost had me sobbing. One of the missionaries was talking about how he had prepared his whole life to serve a mission, but at one point in his mission, he said he was hot and the work was hard, and he said in his heart, "This is hard! I want to go home!" I have to say, this resonated for me. Even from the time I was a youth, I realized this life was not going to be easy. Life was hard back then and it still is today. Making good choices is hard. Overcoming my faults is hard. Feeling like I am worth anything is hard. Though it has brought me my most profound joy, finding the gospel only deepened the chasm in some ways because I was (am) always coming up short. Many times in my life and most recently in my marriage, I found myself saying (and praying) the same thing as this sweet elder. I can't do it...I delude myself by thinking that I can. And a part of me knows and remembers Home. I feel deep within me, "I want to go HOME!"
I just keep trying. That's all I can do. Praying, studying, reading, seeking, and trying. Most of all, keeping my heart focused on going HOME!
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