Career Development Conference

I just got back on Sunday from Career Development Conference. This is a week long, specialized training that you actually have to qualify for from my employer. It is held in Dallas Texas at the American Airlines Training Center. The rooms are small enough that you can reach across the room from one wall to the other, practically. But apparently, I'm lucky, because it used to be that individuals shared rooms with THREE other people! And since all I did was sleep in my room, I guess the size is pretty much irrelevant. The food though, was outstanding! I really enjoyed not having to cook, clean or drive for the whole week.

Each day was motivational and educational in nature. Each day, there was an inspiring story of someone who overcame all the odds to achieve what others said was impossible. And there was direct, enthusiastic training on the difference between goals and desires and how to tell the difference. Knowing the difference is critical to succeeding. They should have put warning labels on the door to the auditorium, because I found myself touched and in tears nearly every day. I was amazed at the skill of the individuals who shared with us tactics for success. The cool thing is, it wasn't just career success...they challenged us to find balance, seek for joy, and look for our missions in life. It was truly amazing!

We also spent a large portion of each day in classes to talk about the "counselor approach." It emphasizes using our interpersonal skills to make sure that we are "solving problems" not just making a sale. One thing I rediscovered is how much I LOVE what I do. I needed that really badly at this point in the business. I have been working my tail off, and even though knew it was going to be a hard "row to hoe" from the start, I was hoping it would be a bit easier to get myself established. And no offense to the management of our office, because surely they must measure us in order to know if we are doing what we need to do to be successful, but I was seriously lacking the inspiration of what I was doing as we tended to focus on the numbers. Our company is about humanity, or so we are told...yet in my day to day interactions with those who represent the company to me, humanity seemed replaced by performance statistics. So I had been praying about finding the peace and inspiration that I needed to be successful...finding the humanity in what I was doing. Lo and behold...Look how God answers prayers!

I left the conference feeling happy and at peace. Succeed or fail with New York Life, I know that I have found skills and individuals that will have a lasting impact on my life, and hopefully on the lives of many that I meet. Will the miracle come? I don't know, but I know that I have done my best by putting on my shoes each day and doing what I need to do to be successful. I have tried to keep my priorities in order (a hard thing to do when it feels like EVERYTHING depends on me! It really depends on God...I just have to do the work. But how quickly I forget that!). I have been blessed in the journey. I know the miracle can come, because God is God. I need to surrender to his will and let come what may. :-)

Love to all of my pepsquad and nurturers of my soul out there! You lift me every day. Hugs!

The biggest oops.

I can't believe it happened. I am so bummed.

Believe it or not, I actually earned some money at New York Life this month, and I thought, I'm going to get a Wii for Christmas. I knew I had to buy it now, because by Christmas, there wouldn't be any left. So I bought it yesterday (after visiting only three stores!) while the kids were with their dad. It was in the back of the van covered with some work stuff. I thought about trying to bring it in the house, but I couldn't figure out where to hide it. Now that the kids are older, there is no place to put things that they might not accidentally stumble upon it. So this afternoon when I picked up the kids from school, I instructed them to sit in the middle row of the van, and proceeded to help Laine with something as she got in the car. Well, the boys didn't listen and climbed in the back seat, leaning WAY over the back, and Joe got a glimpse of the Wii, and said it aloud. My secret was out.

I was so mad! Because they were disobedient, they ruined my surprise. I told them that since they were disobedient, I was going to take it back to the store. Naturally, this was followed by much wailing and gnashing of teeth. After a while, guilt got to me, and I had to admit that the fault was mine. I should have properly hidden the thing before they got back, notwithstanding the fact that I was working all day. I had to apologize to everyone for losing my cool, and take back my threats of buying plastic harmonicas for Christmas since my Christmas money had now been spent on a November surprise. But what the heck am I going to do for Christmas???

Maybe it will have to be socks and underwear under the tree. One thing's for sure...I know I'm getting some coal in my stocking. Bad momma...bad, bad momma!

We did have a great time trying out the Wii tonight though! I really like it because we get to move as we play! And I invested in Wii Fit for me, though I'm sure the kids will want to play with it too.

Get out and VOTE!

I am exercising my rights as an American Citizen tomorrow...I am voting for the candidates of my choice, I am choosing which propositions I support, I am letting my voice be heard!

Never more than today, in time of war and conflict where friends and strangers fight for the freedoms of people I've never met, what better way to express gratitude for the country I live in, the freedoms others have fought and died for, than to get out there and VOTE!

I have always considered myself lucky to live here in the USA. I was really blessed to be born here. (I would have been a real trouble maker anywhere else.) When I read in the newspaper about others who live in countries where trouble and turmoil and the trampling of rights is rampant, I think about how much our country needs to be humbled by the great men and women who made our life in this country what it is. Too many Americans quarrel over inconsequential details, and imagine themselves wronged by so many minor indiscretions. The world over, there are still people who struggle for basic human rights, for a quality of life that they may never have.

I cannot change the rest of the world. The only place I can affect is my little corner of the universe. I try to do that by being the best I can be (or making an effort at it, at least), by fulfilling my responsibilities as a citizen, by exercising the privilege of voting, and by helping in small ways to make tiny contributions to making the world better. I'm darn lousy at it most days, to be perfectly honest...but it's like learning to play the piano...If at first, you sound terrible, practice, practice, practice. If you give up at the first wrong note, you'll never play that song. But if you keep it up, who knows what kind of music you can make?

Here's hoping that together, we can make a symphony!!!

Voices

Perhaps when the phone rings, you think, "telemarketer." Or maybe you think, "Not now...!" Sometimes we look at the caller ID and opt not to answer the phone. But isn't it wonderful how much the right voice on the other end of the phone can mean? A pick-me-up, a sudden jolt of light into a dark day, the feeling of being hugged in our hearts?

How much energy we project into our voices, the love we let creep into our tone, the warmth we let encircle those we love as we speak to them...all of those amazing things can make someone's day. Isn't it funny that we can recognize those we care about as soon as we hear that first breath? With so many of us living distant from those who are important to us, how lucky we are to have the telephone.

In Sunday school this week, we were discussing letters. I love getting letters in my mailbox. It's fun to see a hand-written note! And they are great to keep for posterity. But when it comes to the day to day grind, receiving a phone call from a friend or family member who expresses love and concern and just the right amount of "kick in the pants" can make all the difference in the world.

There are some voices I can hear in my head as I'm wrestling with things. And no, I'm not crazy...it's just that certain people have proven over and over again to have the right perspective, or the perfect way of expressing tenderness and/or caring, or a certain tone to their voice that helps me reconnect to things. I can hear, for example, Bishop Wadsworth's voice from time to time. Bishop Martin crosses my mind pretty frequently when I'm in need of a smile or feeling like someone cares. Holly's voice comes through loud and clear when I need to be calmed or refocused. Believe it or not, I sometimes hear former President Ronald Reagan's voice when I'm thinking about what makes our country great (he had such a great speech writer!). So many people to love! And I'm so grateful for all the ways in which each life touches mine. Today when I was meeting with a client, she said she believed everyone she's ever met has crossed her path for a reason. She is so right! My life (my crazy, mixed up, insanely hectic life) has been blessed by so many wonderful individuals!

A friend of mine messaged me yesterday that my ward is my family, and my strength, and my support. How right she is! And all the voices from each of you that have given me peace, hope friendship, love, understanding, kindness and energy...each of you are my course-correctors, even when we don't actually get to talk. Thank you so much for the joy you bring into my life!!!!!

Sleepless in Fresno

I spent the day yesterday being publicly called names and had my personal life blasted all over the internet by my brother's partner. Emails flew back and forth as my brother and his partner sent hate mail to me, attacking me for trying to take away their civil rights. I guess I know a little now what it's like to run for public office. :-)

What I tried to make a message of love has been received as a message of hate. What I tried to express to my brother in private as my right as an American to disagree with his viewpoint (in response to his PUBLIC request for me to do so on facebook) has turned into a public roast. Despite knowing that I am on the correct side of this issue morally speaking, it kills me to have my family ostracize me and treat me so disrespectfully. My family may never be the same. And though because of my religious beliefs, I am used to being the "odd one out," I don't know that we will ever have the same level of interaction again. It makes me feel really sad, and very alone. I probably should get used to that.

I just don't get what my patriarchal blessing says...that I will be a srength to my family. All I've done with my choices is cause my family to accept me less and less, even though I am trying my best to live a moral life.

Once again, the only one I can count on to pull me through is my Father in Heaven. Maybe that's the purpose of such isolating experiences...to teach us to rely on him more perfectly.

Today

Wow...what a day today has been. Is anyone else just completely wiped out? I feel so exhausted I can barely move. Still, when you're a single mom and building your own business, having the luxury of checking out for a day (or a week, which is what I feel like) is just not an option.

Today, I was a "guinea pig" for the managers at NYL. I was asked to be the agent interviewed by the trainer that teaches the managers at New York Life. Mind you, this is in front of my boss, four managers, the training manager, and another observer there at NYL. I have to admit, the thought filled me with panic. I guess I have a bit of a deficiency complex already...I'm trying to do a full time job in a part time schedule, still trying against all hope to be a mom first, even though I have to work, too. Part of why I selected NYL was that it would allow me to be flexible. However, the typical agent works 50-60 hours a week, and has most evenings filled to capacity with appointments. I knew I couldn't and didn't want to do that. I knew that meant that I needed to work with businesses, which are the most difficult clients to work with because they take much longer. But since I needed day-time activity, it was a route I was prepared to try. And building the business has been slow for me, but I figured if it was meant to be, it would happen over time. Hopefully God would bless my efforts and help me along the way. I have had small successes, and it's been growing, slowly.

So I had to slay my perfectionism dragon, right there in front of everyone. I was honest about my limitations and areas of weakness. Now everyone knows how awful I really am! Yikes! Truthfully, it wasn't as horrible as I imagined through my sleepless night last evening. And I did learn some things that will help me in my business. Ultimately, it made me grateful that I have this opportunity, and reaffirmed for me that I was putting forth my best effort given my circumstances. All the things I have accomplished have been as a result of being committed to being a mom first, working hard to learn and do all I can, and giving the rest over to God. Ultimately, I know that any success I have isn't my success, it's because God saw fit to bless me.

I guess it all comes back to hope...I know that during my most difficult times, I learned that all the things we need for salvation are really just gifts from God...faith, hope, charity, the atonement. There is nothing we can do to earn these gifts. Even our best efforts are never really our best...we could always have done better. So I know that if I generally head in the right direction, as screwed up as I am and as fault-filled as I am, and try to be repentant, humble and teachable, he can make up any difference. And if that's true with something as important as our eternal destinies, doesn't it make sense that he will bless us with all that we need on this earth as well? It may not be in the way we expect, but then, we seldom see things as perfectly as he does, with an eye toward our personal growth. It's okay....I trust him.

"Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?" - Matthew 6:30

All together now!

Finally a new picture of all the kids together! Here's my five loves.

Joe is wearing pretend glasses...they look pretty cute on him!

Erin joined us on a recent family trip to (you guessed it!) Disneyland. We had a lot of fun, a lot of drama, and great family time together.

Laine recently had a haircut and she opted for it to be shorter than she's ever had it before. I really think it flatters her.

A Good Friend

This last weekend I traveled to Los Angeles area to meet up with Tiffany, a good friend of mine from college. She took me all over "her world," from her apartment through the canyon, to where she works, through Beverly Hills, to the beach at Santa Monica Pier...we just had a blast hanging out and talking like we'd never been apart.

She works in entertainment law as a legal secretary. She is so much fun to be with: full of life and energy, always finding ways to get what she wants out of life and having a lot of fun doing it. She treated me to a fantastic dinner at Il Fornaio (gosh, I hope I spelled that correctly!) where we sat at an outdoor table on the sidewalk in breezy Beverly Hills and soaked up the atmosphere as well as enjoyed one another's company.

Tiffany is the person who taught me in college not to be afraid to be myself. She also helped me look at myself differently. As someone who frequently suffered from a lack of self-esteem and poor self-image, she was always there to love me unconditionally and to tell me often how much she liked me just the way I was. I've never met anyone who was willing to work so hard to accomplish what she wanted, and who approached all of life as an adventure, and who was not afraid of re-evaluating everything and deciding on a different direction. I'm happy to report that all those things are still true about her, which made it a real treat to be with her and get a peek into a little slice of her world.


Incidentally, Tiffany also took me on my first airplane flight, introduced me to the wonderful world of Santa Cruz (where I fell in love with the mountains and the ocean), and helped me become truly independent by teaching me how to use bus schedules and maps and phone books to get acclimated to a new area.

There were several musicians on the pier, including a saxaphonist. I love listening to live saxaphone music! Of course there were the usual rides and games, which we opted not to take advantage of. It was fun watching people fish from the pier and seeing the wide range of people in the LA area. I'm a people-watcher anyway, so I always enjoy that.

All in all, I consider it time well spent. It's always good to refresh friendships and remember good times had together. I treasure my friends and consider myself very blessed to have amazing people placed in my path for me to befriend. It's evidence of God's love for me that I am able to have so many wonderful friends to keep me sane and bring me so much joy! Love to all my friends out there!!!

Last Disneyland Summer Run 2008

We made a last trip for the summer to Disneyland. We had a really great time, despite the fact that we got off to a bumpy start. Kelly broke her finger the night before we left, so we spent half of the day at the doctor's office. They couldn't see her that day before we had to leave, so they splinted it and we went on our way!

We did some things this trip that we haven't done before. We went into two 3-D shows we've never seen before..."It's tough to be a bug" and Muppetvision 3-D." They were both really good and a lot of fun. We really enjoyed spending time together. We were really tired from the heat this time though, so we ended up spending a lot of time on the Disneyland Express train, resting our feet and waving at all the people in the park.

There were a lot of really great moments. It was fun to watch Kelly and Joe ride the merry-go-round in California Adventures. I can't remember the last time I saw them on there, and watching them laugh and really get into it made me think about them when they were much younger.

I consider myself so very lucky. My kids love each other and get along so well together. Yes, there are moments when duct tape and rope seem like great options, but generally speaking, they get along well and enjoy talking to each other. I love to see them protect each other, laugh with one another and be kind. It gladdens my heart like nothing else on earth. They are so strong, sometimes I wonder what God was thinking when he decided I should be their mother. How could I be so lucky? It's so humbling, and I find myself thankful for all the things being a parent has taught me.

We save to get Disneyland passes all year, and I am already anticipating the day when they won't choose Disneyland as their first option. It will be a sad day for me. I'm so glad I can give them the gift of the magic of Disneyland while they are young. May the love and the laughter and the zany days of being silly and being together be forever engraven on their hearts and minds.

Backyard Camping

Well, the plan was to go camping this weekend, but since all the campsites in the Redwoods appear to be full this weekend, we decided to camp a little closer to home! Here's our tent in the backyard. We set it up in the dark in proper late night arrival fashion (Oh, no....that's the wrong pole! Wait...the pole popped out again! Who has the rain-fly? Abby, come back here with that hammer!), and crawled into our sleeping bags after an evening swim in our "lake." We watched the stars come out, read our scriptures, told scary stories, and laughed as the cat and Abby tried to come into the tent through the "shoe door."

Tonight we are roasting hot dogs, making smores, and swimming again! The pool really does look like a lake....it's all green. My filter has been broken for a while, and it was finally fixed today, but it will need 24 hours before it gets crystal clear again.

It's not quite like the redwoods, but hey...it's still fun! We love the redwoods. Besides being beautiful, the redwood groves are usually in close proximity to the ocean, which gives us the best of both worlds...the mountains and the beach. Did you know the Redwoods sing? When we stayed at Grizzly Creek several years in a row, we were amazed to wake up early in the morning to hear an odd sort of music...it happens when the fog, the temperature and the breezes are just right. Simply amazing!

It must be a sign of the financial times when the campgrounds are so full...lots of people are trying to cut expenses, I guess. For us, camping is a way of life. Last year, we went on an epic journey to the Grand Tetons. We had a marvelous time, even with all the road construction. Joe invented a song we now call the mile marker song, which helped all of us hold on to a little piece of sanity as we inched along on the highways under a hot sun with no air conditioning available because of the incline. We camped in a beautiful quiet area in one of the most amazing areas I've ever seen. We saw all kinds of wildlife...bison, birds, deer, coyotes, and even a grizzly bear. Our tent was put to great use! For us, nature is a way of reconnecting with each other in a meaningful way and getting back to basics, and especially back to recognizing God's love for us and his hand in our lives. I am always amazed at how he demonstrates his love for us every day!

Of course, there are always the difficulties of life, and the "wearing" effect we have on one another. Being a parent is tough work! But I'm so glad and grateful to have this blessing in my life, and I hope that the "wearing" will eventually make me a more polished, smoother, and willing person. Even during the times when I'm sure God has a lot more confidence in me than I have in myself as a parent, I can only be amazed and humbled to be helping him raise these kids.

Oh! I just remembered...I better go check the sprinkler settings! We might get more than we bargained for in the morning!

Love and Hugs!