We had such a great Easter...The Easter bunny brought tons of chocolate and other goodies in a nice big flower pot for mom. When the kids arrived late from their dad's Sunday morning, we were pushing it to get out the door on time for choir practice before church. We were five minutes late, but not too shabby considering how hard it is to get four kids cleaned up and out the door in 30 minutes. We had a wonderful musical program for Easter, filled with very touching musical numbers and the amazing voice of Bro. McCauley (who many children were convinced was speaking for God), and the sweet, touching testimony of Bro. Schoffield.
After church, the kids and I finished our preparations for our Easter dinner. We invited our friends April and her daughter Verena, Jerry, Keith, and Bro. King. Keith has been our friend for 14 years, and we found out he didn't have any place to go for Easter. Bro. King is new to our ward and we are just getting to know him. He didn't have any plans either, so we invited him at church on Sunday. Jerry is a beloved past primary Sunday school teacher of Johnny's and we were so glad to have her! And April's little daughter Verena added the fun factor to our Easter...the kids took turns hiding plastic eggs for her to find, and she did very well and seemed to have a lot of fun.
After dinner, we cuddled up and watched Doctor Who, which is a family favorite, then after scripture study and prayer, we all went off to bed.
I'm so grateful for Easter. It's my favorite holiday. I remember as a child growing up in the Catholic church, we would have "passion plays" every Easter week, telling the story of Jesus' last few days on the earth. I used to stand there, either as a participant in the play or as an observer, crying and wishing Jesus didn't have to die. My understanding then was so limited. Now I understand more what a gift he gave us, and that dying was only a tiny part of all that he did for us. The garden of Gethsemane, the resurrection, and Christ's loving example to each of us are essential, too...as is our own willing and repentant heart if we would partake in the gift he has offered. What all of this has brought us is hope...hope that we can repent of our sins, hope that Christ's sacrifice can sanctify us and make us fit for life with our Father in Heaven, hope that our loved ones who have died before us have only temporarily left their physical bodies and will be resurrected. Most of all...hope that the pain, suffering and sorrow that we suffer in this life has meaning beyond our earthly understanding.
I pray that each of you had a blessed Easter, and that the immense love that our Father in Heaven and our Savior Jesus Christ have for us has touched your life.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Haircuts
This will come as no surprise to anyone who has looked closely at my boys' hair. I cut it myself. Ever since they were little, I've cut their hair. I use a wahl hair cutting kit and a pair of scissors. I have had NO training on how to cut hair. I've never even watched a video. I just do it. It saves me about $120 a year to cut it myself, which isn't a lot, but pays for almost half our groceries for a month.
I started doing it when Patrick brought Joe home from the barber shop nearly shaved. I almost died. I liked him with a cute little boy haircut. Now he looked like somebody else's boy. I vowed never to let Patrick take him to get a haircut again! (Looking back, Joe actually looked pretty cute, and what the heck? Hair grows back!)
Joe's hair is easier to cut than Johnny's and usually turns out looking much better. I don't know if it's the texture or the thickness or what that makes the difference. Joe has thicker hair with more body. Johnny's blond hair is fine and just does whatever it wants, and his head is covered with cowlicks, all going different directions. There's quite a bit of "oops" factor built in to cutting hair. Johnny moves suddenly or tilts his head differently, and voila! It looks like he got attacked by a lawn mower.
Ever since they've been old enough that I thought they might care that their hair looked like it was cut by a blind amateur, I've offered to bring them to a "real" stylist, but they keep refusing. They like me to cut it. Go figure.
I started doing it when Patrick brought Joe home from the barber shop nearly shaved. I almost died. I liked him with a cute little boy haircut. Now he looked like somebody else's boy. I vowed never to let Patrick take him to get a haircut again! (Looking back, Joe actually looked pretty cute, and what the heck? Hair grows back!)
Joe's hair is easier to cut than Johnny's and usually turns out looking much better. I don't know if it's the texture or the thickness or what that makes the difference. Joe has thicker hair with more body. Johnny's blond hair is fine and just does whatever it wants, and his head is covered with cowlicks, all going different directions. There's quite a bit of "oops" factor built in to cutting hair. Johnny moves suddenly or tilts his head differently, and voila! It looks like he got attacked by a lawn mower.
Ever since they've been old enough that I thought they might care that their hair looked like it was cut by a blind amateur, I've offered to bring them to a "real" stylist, but they keep refusing. They like me to cut it. Go figure.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Overcoming
Sometimes I get frustrated because I can't eliminate all my sins and weaknesses at once. It seems like it should be easier to be obedient and faithful. How many years will it take to get this right? And yet I still struggle. It's easy to tell my kids or others, don't give up! You just have to keep trying, keep facing the right direction, keep repenting. I tell myself that, too, but at times those words feel hollow when I'm evaluating my progress and I realize how much further I have to go.
Some things are super easy. I never have to struggle about paying my tithing, or not consuming drugs or alcohol; I love attending church and serving there. There are a few commandments I keep perfectly. Yet the scriptures say that there are so many different ways to sin that we cannot even comprehend them. I find that to be a discouraging thought. I can't even perfectly master all the ways I KNOW about.
Yesterday, I was praying and pondering about this. Quite frankly, it scares me at times how easy it would be to just give up, assume I am lost and give up the fight. Then I ran across this verse:
Some things are super easy. I never have to struggle about paying my tithing, or not consuming drugs or alcohol; I love attending church and serving there. There are a few commandments I keep perfectly. Yet the scriptures say that there are so many different ways to sin that we cannot even comprehend them. I find that to be a discouraging thought. I can't even perfectly master all the ways I KNOW about.
Yesterday, I was praying and pondering about this. Quite frankly, it scares me at times how easy it would be to just give up, assume I am lost and give up the fight. Then I ran across this verse:
"He that overcometh, the same shall be clothed in white raiment;
and I will not blot out his name out of the book of life,
but I will confess his name before my Father, and before his angels."
- Revelation 3: 5
When I heard this, I knew immediately that it was a tender mercy of the Lord, one of the many ways He keeps trying to encourage me. It was an evidence of His love. My mind and heart were filled with light as the one word "overcometh" bounced around in my head. "Overcometh" implies a battle, a struggle, an ongoing effort. I know my Father in Heaven loves me and wants me with Him. As imperfect as I am, there is hope for me as long as I remember that the atonement of my savior is infinite.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Mother Figure
It's curious that when I decided to return to college, I gave extensive thought to how I would feel being among the oldest in the classes I would be taking, but little thought to how others would view me there or what benefits I might have as a result of being an "adult" student.
I find the students are hesitant to express their opinions or even to speak the correct answers out when asked. I'm trying to remember if I felt that way when I was their age, but to be honest, I've never had the same trepidation in classroom settings that I do in other public situations. I jump in and offer my opinion, and even when I hold back on answering questions, I find that if I don't speak, sometimes no one will, and the poor professor is left standing there wondering where all the students are. In group discussions, the members of my group will invariably select me as their leader/speaker because they say I'm more articulate. Sometimes it seems that if I don't start the conversation in these smaller groups, nothing happens.
So I find myself playing a "mother figure" sometimes...encouraging the students to speak up, teaching them how to connect ideas, etc. I listen to them complain about the instructor's requirements, and find myself wanting to tell them to grow up...the real world doesn't accommodate us. We need to make our own way and accommodate where necessary, and in college, you accommodate the professor in order to accomplish your educational goals. Quitcher whining and get to work!
Overall, I find that although making time for homework, labwork, and the other demands of college is challenging as the working single mother of four, I have certain other advantages. I am comfortable with my beliefs and feelings. I am comfortable being the "odd one" out. I don't mind taking on difficult tasks because I have learned that hard things are possible and even desirable. I know that professors are just people, and though they have the power to affect my grade, any other power they have is purely at my discretion, so I'm not afraid of standing up to them.
Frequently this semester I have found that the students will confide things in me or ask my opinion on things. Sometimes I wish I could tell them that all this angst they are having now will change over time as they figure out their place in the world. The world is the classroom that matters...what happens at college is a minuscule slice of the growth that will occur as they experience all that life brings us.
I find the students are hesitant to express their opinions or even to speak the correct answers out when asked. I'm trying to remember if I felt that way when I was their age, but to be honest, I've never had the same trepidation in classroom settings that I do in other public situations. I jump in and offer my opinion, and even when I hold back on answering questions, I find that if I don't speak, sometimes no one will, and the poor professor is left standing there wondering where all the students are. In group discussions, the members of my group will invariably select me as their leader/speaker because they say I'm more articulate. Sometimes it seems that if I don't start the conversation in these smaller groups, nothing happens.
So I find myself playing a "mother figure" sometimes...encouraging the students to speak up, teaching them how to connect ideas, etc. I listen to them complain about the instructor's requirements, and find myself wanting to tell them to grow up...the real world doesn't accommodate us. We need to make our own way and accommodate where necessary, and in college, you accommodate the professor in order to accomplish your educational goals. Quitcher whining and get to work!
Overall, I find that although making time for homework, labwork, and the other demands of college is challenging as the working single mother of four, I have certain other advantages. I am comfortable with my beliefs and feelings. I am comfortable being the "odd one" out. I don't mind taking on difficult tasks because I have learned that hard things are possible and even desirable. I know that professors are just people, and though they have the power to affect my grade, any other power they have is purely at my discretion, so I'm not afraid of standing up to them.
Frequently this semester I have found that the students will confide things in me or ask my opinion on things. Sometimes I wish I could tell them that all this angst they are having now will change over time as they figure out their place in the world. The world is the classroom that matters...what happens at college is a minuscule slice of the growth that will occur as they experience all that life brings us.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Not an Accident
This actually happened a few weeks ago, but I'm just now getting around to publishing it.
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Today, I began my day determined to accomplish so much. I am attending CSUF full time right now, managing the household, trying to work, and maintain/repair my home. This week, with all of my assignments, the house was really trashed out. I have a ton of homework, and my own bedroom needs to be put to rights. We tidied up the house, and as I went outside to begin working in the yard, I was just overwhelmed after an hour of not making much progress at all with what needed to be accomplished in one tiny little part of my yard, not to mention the rest of the yard, the house, the garden I need to plant, the notes I haven’t sent yet, the people who need to be visited, worrying over money…the list goes on and on. As the kids began to complain about how tired they were, and how so-and-so was not doing what they should, etc, I struggled to keep my composure. The world is winning, and I am losing.
Or so I thought.
I came in the house to find out that a dinner appointment we had today was cancelled, and sat on my bed feeling beat up. I knelt to pray and tell Heavenly Father how I felt. After I was done, I looked across at a bookshelf that I’ve been meaning to clean for a while, and decided to sit on the floor and organize the bottom shelf. When I was nearly done with the shelf, I came across a note of encouragement written to me many years ago. The note originally came when I was trying to figure out many things at once...how to be a mom (I had three young children plus Erin), how to run multiple businesses, how to be a good wife, and how to be a better daughter of God. A friend had noted my discouragement at church and pulled me aside to talk to me. (I think angels intervened and sent him my way.) A few weeks later, a note arrived that touched my heart, together with a poem written by my friend that I have treasured ever since. This note touched my heart again today. One verse from his poem in particular pierced my soul:
He’s there to ease your fears,
And help you through this test,
Just carry what you can,
And He will do the rest.
Can I just say that I wept through the whole note? But that verse spoke peace to my heart and helped me feel my Heavenly Father's love. When I finished reading the poem, I thought, how nice that I found this today. A voice came in to my mind. It said, “You didn’t find this note on accident.”
Yes, there were more tears of gratitude.
I can’t tell you what a difference this has made in my heart. All the troubles, work, and burdens haven’t changed, but what a difference it makes to remember that I don’t have to carry them alone.
I wonder when Tom wrote that note ages ago, did he know that the Lord intended that note to be encouragement not just for that time, but this time as well? How grateful I am that he thought to take time to follow a prompting and send that to me. How much joy it brings me to know that finding it gain was not an accident.
Love to all of you!
----------------------------------
Today, I began my day determined to accomplish so much. I am attending CSUF full time right now, managing the household, trying to work, and maintain/repair my home. This week, with all of my assignments, the house was really trashed out. I have a ton of homework, and my own bedroom needs to be put to rights. We tidied up the house, and as I went outside to begin working in the yard, I was just overwhelmed after an hour of not making much progress at all with what needed to be accomplished in one tiny little part of my yard, not to mention the rest of the yard, the house, the garden I need to plant, the notes I haven’t sent yet, the people who need to be visited, worrying over money…the list goes on and on. As the kids began to complain about how tired they were, and how so-and-so was not doing what they should, etc, I struggled to keep my composure. The world is winning, and I am losing.
Or so I thought.
I came in the house to find out that a dinner appointment we had today was cancelled, and sat on my bed feeling beat up. I knelt to pray and tell Heavenly Father how I felt. After I was done, I looked across at a bookshelf that I’ve been meaning to clean for a while, and decided to sit on the floor and organize the bottom shelf. When I was nearly done with the shelf, I came across a note of encouragement written to me many years ago. The note originally came when I was trying to figure out many things at once...how to be a mom (I had three young children plus Erin), how to run multiple businesses, how to be a good wife, and how to be a better daughter of God. A friend had noted my discouragement at church and pulled me aside to talk to me. (I think angels intervened and sent him my way.) A few weeks later, a note arrived that touched my heart, together with a poem written by my friend that I have treasured ever since. This note touched my heart again today. One verse from his poem in particular pierced my soul:
He’s there to ease your fears,
And help you through this test,
Just carry what you can,
And He will do the rest.
Can I just say that I wept through the whole note? But that verse spoke peace to my heart and helped me feel my Heavenly Father's love. When I finished reading the poem, I thought, how nice that I found this today. A voice came in to my mind. It said, “You didn’t find this note on accident.”
Yes, there were more tears of gratitude.
I can’t tell you what a difference this has made in my heart. All the troubles, work, and burdens haven’t changed, but what a difference it makes to remember that I don’t have to carry them alone.
I wonder when Tom wrote that note ages ago, did he know that the Lord intended that note to be encouragement not just for that time, but this time as well? How grateful I am that he thought to take time to follow a prompting and send that to me. How much joy it brings me to know that finding it gain was not an accident.
Love to all of you!
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Never Give Up
I had to take my own advice trying to get this video to post! Seriously, though...this is a great video about picking yourself up from disaster and putting even more effort into it. Win or lose, it's finishing the race that matters.
I try to remember that this life's race is more like a marathon than an outright race. The only losers will be those who don't finish, or don't even try. We aren't compared to each other...we have only our own human nature and it's weaknesses to compete against. Is it tough? Yes. Do we fall down a lot? Well, I know I have. Are there unexpected climbs, holes in the road, and seemingly senseless detours? Yes. But isn't it awesome when we finish the race? And if we finish the race, we all win!
Monday, April 4, 2011
Hooray!
Joe and Laine both came home with report cards with 4.0 grade point averages. Straight A's in all their classes! Johnny had a B so he missed the mark by a bit, but he's still doing great.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Lessons Learned Outdoors
Two weeks ago, we were at Community Hospital downtown on the fifth floor looking out the windows when we saw the thunderstorm coming. Dark and ominous skies sped toward Fresno. By the time we got downstairs and headed to our car, the rain was falling and the winds were nearly sweeping us off of our feet. From the freeway, we saw lightning shooting across the cloudline and touching down here and there to the west. The rain began to fall hard and fast, such that Johnny asked if it was possible that the rain could break the glass of our windows. I told him no, but if it hailed, that might be a different story.
I spoke too soon. When we turned on to our street, the hail began bouncing off of our windshield. It was making so much noise on our car that it was hard to hear each other speak. When we reached the safety of the house, Joe suddenly realized that the chickens were still out in the yard. He ran out in the hail and the pouring rain to check on them. The chickens were still jumping around the yard. Every time a hailstone hit their heads, they would jump and squawk and peck at each other. To be honest, we found this quite funny as we herded our ladies into the pen...and yes, we thought of the chicken little story.
Sometimes the world pounds us, too...it's how we react that can make all the difference. We can squawk in complaint at all the injustices of the world. We can peck at each other instead of trying to work things out. Or we can take shelter from the storm in places of refuge.
This week, I spent a lot of time outdoors. I was attempting to clean the pool. I carefully take apart the filter and rinse each panel, then reassemble. The taking apart is easy...almost effortless, but you absolutely get dirty. It's putting it all back together again that's the adventure. Putting each panel into it's proper place, making sure all the holes line up where they're supposed to...now that's tricky! You have to lower the device (I call it the cap) down onto all those panels, making sure that each of the 8 spouts line up with the proper intakes on the cap while at the same time making sure that the long bolts don't get displaced from their holes. It's a challenging business!
I had a friend help me once, and he completely lost it when I had to take the panels out and reassemble them into a new arrangement. I'm patient and calm about this process, knowing it is more an art than a science. He said he if it were his filter, he'd just pay someone to do it for him, because he couldn't stand it.
It got me to thinking about how often we take things apart in our lives. Sometimes intentionally, sometimes unintentionally. Whether it's relationships or opportunities or anything else, destroying or dismantling them always happens more easily than putting it all back together again. And in the case of relationships, it's easy to end up very dirty when doing so. Putting them back together again takes a lot of work, determination, patience and care. And sometimes it takes lots of attempts to get it right. But when we "fix" what's broken or not working as well as we would like, we start being more careful about taking things apart in the first place!
I'm so grateful that the world has so many ways to teach us if we are paying attention. The world is our classroom! Get out your pencils. :-)
I spoke too soon. When we turned on to our street, the hail began bouncing off of our windshield. It was making so much noise on our car that it was hard to hear each other speak. When we reached the safety of the house, Joe suddenly realized that the chickens were still out in the yard. He ran out in the hail and the pouring rain to check on them. The chickens were still jumping around the yard. Every time a hailstone hit their heads, they would jump and squawk and peck at each other. To be honest, we found this quite funny as we herded our ladies into the pen...and yes, we thought of the chicken little story.
Sometimes the world pounds us, too...it's how we react that can make all the difference. We can squawk in complaint at all the injustices of the world. We can peck at each other instead of trying to work things out. Or we can take shelter from the storm in places of refuge.
This week, I spent a lot of time outdoors. I was attempting to clean the pool. I carefully take apart the filter and rinse each panel, then reassemble. The taking apart is easy...almost effortless, but you absolutely get dirty. It's putting it all back together again that's the adventure. Putting each panel into it's proper place, making sure all the holes line up where they're supposed to...now that's tricky! You have to lower the device (I call it the cap) down onto all those panels, making sure that each of the 8 spouts line up with the proper intakes on the cap while at the same time making sure that the long bolts don't get displaced from their holes. It's a challenging business!
I had a friend help me once, and he completely lost it when I had to take the panels out and reassemble them into a new arrangement. I'm patient and calm about this process, knowing it is more an art than a science. He said he if it were his filter, he'd just pay someone to do it for him, because he couldn't stand it.
It got me to thinking about how often we take things apart in our lives. Sometimes intentionally, sometimes unintentionally. Whether it's relationships or opportunities or anything else, destroying or dismantling them always happens more easily than putting it all back together again. And in the case of relationships, it's easy to end up very dirty when doing so. Putting them back together again takes a lot of work, determination, patience and care. And sometimes it takes lots of attempts to get it right. But when we "fix" what's broken or not working as well as we would like, we start being more careful about taking things apart in the first place!
I'm so grateful that the world has so many ways to teach us if we are paying attention. The world is our classroom! Get out your pencils. :-)
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Learning from others
Through this whole tragedy with Kelly's friend Shaela, we have been learning from her family. Their faith is strong and has touched us very deeply. Today's message on their website made me pause and give gratitude and glory to God. Here's a family who, if they aren't already in destitute circumstances, probably will be soon because they've been unable to work since Shae's accident. One of their older daughters has been traumatized because of the accident (when she looked back, all she could see was her sister's body from the neck down). Shaela of course suffered serious head and brain injuries and lost one eye and lost vision (at least for now) in the other eye. And yet, Ken's message this morning was about forgiveness for the man who hit his daughters' car. I was so touched as he asked us to pray for the man who caused the accident.
When I saw hundreds of people in lines at Chipotle in all locations in Fresno for the fundraiser for the family, I knew the impact of this accident had reached far and wide. When I walked on campus at Tenaya and saw the signs "Pray for Shaela" at the school, I thought...just try to keep prayer out of schools! When it's carried in the hearts of the kids that attend, no rule, no organization can stop it. And how is all of this impact occurring? Because of this awful thing that happened to Shaela, her family's willingness to reach out, and a community's willingness to reach back and reach UP!
The power this will have to change lives is beyond our human comprehension. There are people who may never have prayed before who are opening up their hearts to God because of this accident. Though no doubt there is pain for Shaela's family and especially for Shaela who has a long road in front of her, can't you just see God's hand at work? I can, and it humbles me. He can work through pain and misery, disasters big and small, to bring people together and give them the chance to discover His love and mercy.
Wow.
When I saw hundreds of people in lines at Chipotle in all locations in Fresno for the fundraiser for the family, I knew the impact of this accident had reached far and wide. When I walked on campus at Tenaya and saw the signs "Pray for Shaela" at the school, I thought...just try to keep prayer out of schools! When it's carried in the hearts of the kids that attend, no rule, no organization can stop it. And how is all of this impact occurring? Because of this awful thing that happened to Shaela, her family's willingness to reach out, and a community's willingness to reach back and reach UP!
The power this will have to change lives is beyond our human comprehension. There are people who may never have prayed before who are opening up their hearts to God because of this accident. Though no doubt there is pain for Shaela's family and especially for Shaela who has a long road in front of her, can't you just see God's hand at work? I can, and it humbles me. He can work through pain and misery, disasters big and small, to bring people together and give them the chance to discover His love and mercy.
Wow.
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