My youngest daughter made an error in judgement that has resulted in a lot of tears on both of our parts. While communicating with a friend on Minecraft (a multiplayer on-line game) she gave him her personal cell phone number. Mind you, she has been admonished many, many times not to give out personal info, but justified it because she has played with him and talked with him through the game so many times.
I only just discovered it recently when I started to notice how secretive she was being with her phone, and how suddenly she carried it with her all the time. While at dinner Thursday, I had the distinct impression to ask her for her phone. When I took the phone and looked at the messages, I about died of a heart-attack. Messages from this supposedly 14 year old boy who theoretically lives in Baltimore, MD were filled with the "F" word and very graphic in nature. Hers in response were not. I told her I was shocked. She told me she really liked him, and according to his messages, he "f-ing" loved her. I asked her how she felt about his language and messages, and she told me he wants to change and be better. I asked her if she wanted to discontinue the relationship or if she wanted me to. She said she would deal with it.
Later that night, texts were still being exchanged back and forth, and I knew I would have to take action. After consulting with her father, we decided to change her phone number, block this young man from making contact on her phone, and temporarily block ALL messaging.
Needless to say this did not make me very popular with my sweet girl. She was FURIOUS. She refused to talk to me when I picked her up from her dad's house, and refused to go to church with me. She used the fact that Kelly refuses to go to support her argument, a fact which pained me to my core. I insisted that she go, knowing that the spirit at church could help her see reason. And sure enough, by the end of church, she was feeling better, but still not back to normal.
My heart was so heavy this morning. As a single parent, I am frequently confronted with my own inadequacies and failures, and this incident, combined with Kelly's complete lack of regard for anything spiritual, and all the stresses of parenting during summer vacation when the kids are home and I am not, lead me to a place of deep sadness. For a while, I was inconsolable. Church made me feel better, as it always does, but I am struggling with how to turn the ship around and keep our family heading in a positive direction.
Let's face it, if I get to the Celestial Kingdom (and that's a big IF), and my kids aren't there with me, I won't want to stay. Period. Everything I have done and do on a daily basis is focused on helping them grow up with faith and strength of character to sustain them so that we can all be together for ever.
Sometimes love is so tough, on so many fronts.
1 comment:
:(o
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