Engaged!

This evening, Don McNichols asked me to marry him.

There was not a doubt in my mind when I said yes!!

This man has turned my upside down world right side up. He is a kind, tender, caring spirit in whom I keep discovering myself. He makes me laugh, all the time. He has seen me as I am and still loves me. He is a safe place in a crazy world, and I feel no fear, no anxiety when I am with him. He treasures me, and I treasure him. His words and his spirit are like rain to my soul.

It makes me weep with joy, and makes me feel so very whole.

Don is 57. He's a technical writer at Lawrence Livermore Labs in - you guessed it - Livermore. He has five children...four daughters and a son from ages almost 20 to 34. He is a widower. His beloved wife Lori passed away two years ago. He stole my heart first with words as we emailed back and forth furiously for about three weeks before we finally met. When we did meet, to me it was as if I had known him all my life. Our first date was about six hours long, and each Saturday that we met after that, we broke our record. We talk and share space and revel in one another. We delight in discovering all the things we have in common as well as all the little differences that are sure to make life interesting.

While the getting married part was very clear and was under the strong encouragement of the spirit, the "how" of how it will all come together is still working itself out. We are going to move forward in faith.

I am so thankful! And excited!!

And This!!

And then there's this.

Kindness. Sweetness. Amazingness.

Why I run outside

I love this street.

And I love this street.
I love all the streets. :)

I love running outdoors. I love running early on summer mornings when I'm racing the heat back to the house, trying to finish my run before the temperatures finish me.

I love to run in the fall when the leaves are such brilliant shades of love and light and color and intensity.

I love it when it's cold and foggy, and trees and other objects take on an other-worldly quality and I can run and feel invisible.

I love winter mornings when it's dark and cold and all I have are the possums, raccoons and my willpower to keep me company.

I love it when it's early spring and all the trees are just beginning to burst with flowers and I'm never sure whether or not to bring my jacket.

I've tried running on a treadmill, and there is just no comparison. Besides the fact that it gives me vertigo to run on a treadmill, there is no life in running indoors.

Despite how much hard work it is to get up early and to run, despite all the willpower it requires, I am so grateful for the praying and purging and processing and passion that running brings into my life. It is well worth the effort for scenes like these!!

Miracles

This was the preferred method for getting leaves
and yard debris to the dumpster. Team effort!!

I've been in a slump again, and my yard wasn't helping. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't keep up with everything without the help of the kids. Two were never available, one refused to help outright, and the other felt abused because he was the only one willing to help me. I couldn't afford a gardener, and projects I started only got partly done and not finished over the winter.

I never watered my yard this winter. I saved some money on water! Yay. However, apparently weeds don't need water to grow into forests, and my yard was overtaken by weeds in the thousands. I was

When I first saw this dumpster, I thought,
there's no way we will fill that up. Yet we did1!

really frustrated and already depressed, and there wasn't anything that could make it better, except a miracle. Well, the ward provided a miracle!

The youth came over on Saturday morning bright and early and worked for three hours to get my yard presentable. While most of my grass is dead from the drought, at least it's clean! Well, cleaner at least.

When I ordered the dumpster, it was either get a little 3x3x6 dumpster for free, or order the next size up. As you can see, the next size up was considerably larger than that. When they delivered it, I thought,

Notice the absence of 3 foot tall weeds and piles of grass, etc.

Wow, that's big! We'll never be able to fill that thing up. I'm wasting my money. (Did I mention they're very expensive? Even with a voucher?) However, by the end of the three hours, there were tons of branches, tree trunks from the PG&E pruning in my yard, leaves, weeds, prunings from the hedges and the like.

I glowed the whole time. My pitiful efforts were never going to be sufficient to overcome my depression induced disaster. The Lord however provided a rescue, and I'm ever so grateful!!

Single Adult Conference

Friday night: Temple Session at 6:30 followed by temple presidency message. The talk was focused on helping us realize the trials we face are meant to help us learn to turn to him. The temple blessings can strengthen us in our ability to face these trials and help us find the purpose in them. Not all trials we face are our fault. Most are consequences of living in this mortal world. The Lord's experiences on this earth help him to know how to help us and give us confidence that he understands how we feel.

Saturday opening session: Bro & Sis Williams, missionaries for the Pathways program. They discussed light and truth...that there isn't much time left before Christ comes again. We get light through ordinances, through temple attendance, through keeping the commandments, through praying and studying the scriptures. Truth is the knowledge of things as they are, as they were, as they will be. Light is life...all light comes from God. More light means more power, but we only get more light as we are ready to act on the light we have. Whenever we learn more, it is because we are attending to the light we already have. We don't have to rely on our light. We through the Holy Ghost can rely on the light/knowledge of Christ. We are either gaining or losing light every single day. There is no standing still. We must earnestly seek light and truth.

Breakout Sessions: Cooking class by G. Lynn Sharp was a lot of fun and had some good information!

Symbols of the temple: Symbolism that we observe in the temple is the Lord teaching us. Temple presidencies and temple workers are not supposed to interpret these symbols for us, because it may disrupt our own individual learning. There is no "ONE" meaning behind the symbols we see...there are layers of meaning depending on where we are in our spiritual progress. We must become as a little child, wondering, inquiring, absorbing. Symbols stimulate our minds, help us learn about gospel and personal truths, help us focus on what is important. If something keeps attracting your eye in the temple, it is the Holy Ghost trying to get your attention. Pay attention! Everything in the temple points us toward the Redemptive and Enabling power of the atonement of the Savior. A great temple experience begins with preparation. Give yourself time to prepare body, spirit and mind. The Holy Ghost is the teacher...he prepares, instructs, interprets and reveals as we are ready.

Building Lasting Relationships: Carol Anderson
The more you improve all of your relationships, the more chances you will have to find and build THE relationship you are looking for. Remember three things: The Lord loves us and answers our prayers. We are not saved in isolation - it is our duty to act as agents of righteousness. As we live the Gospel, we will attract good people, worry less about marriage and more about becoming a true disciple of Christ.

Our relationships are mirrors for our lives. Light attracts light. Birds of a feather flock together. People that irritate you remind you of things you need to work on. The Lord uses divine positioning...he puts people in our path to serve his purposes. You may be called to serve, teach, love and endure in order to accomplish his purposes. Happiness and unhappiness are both choices. Righteous choices, service and gratitude all lead to a happier outlook. Focus on being happy, being positive. Even though adversity is a part of every life, how we handle it is what is important.

All good relationships have: Trust, honesty, respect, commitment, safety, ongoing investments of time, reciprocity, communication, and room for the Lord.

Make a list of your requirements in a relationship. Then look and see if you possess those requirements. If not, work toward becoming that person. You are responsible for your relationships. Only you can change yourself, and most importantly, YOU the only one YOU can change.

Commit to a lifetime of growth - spiritual, emotional, interpersonal growth. Remember the BEARR cycle - Belief yields emotion, emotion yields action, action yields a result, and the result reinforces the belief.

Have courage to see your shortcomings. Have a willingness to change. The Lord will reveal these things to you bit by bit. Successful and permanent change comes through the atonement of Christ. Be a better disciple of Christ, and good relationships will happen.

Closing Session: Kimberly Smith and Bryan Davis, descendants of Joseph Smith
Gave us an overview of the dynamics of how the Smith family who fell away view the events around Joseph's death and Brigham Young becoming the prophet. Told of her journey to the LDS church. Explained some of her research around Joseph and Emma Smith. Gave an overview of Emma's life and feelings following Joseph's passing. Encouraged us to act on love. Love is the way through any barriers. Encouraged us to heal our families with love. She said once hatred has been exchanged for love, then God can work with love to change and heal families.

An Apostle of the Lord!

I got to hear M. Russell Ballard speak this morning, among others. I felt the spirit so strongly while I was there. We were in the front row, six feet from an apostle of the Lord! His testimony of Jesus burned in my soul. My testimony of Elder Ballard as a special witness of the Savior is stronger than ever. heart emoticon I actually was able to shake his hand.

Love Note From God

The sky on my way to the temple for the single adult conference night at the temple. This was my second night at the temple this week, and I'll be there early tomorrow morning for youth baptisms as well. The session was so full that I was sitting inches from the screen. As I sat there looking up, I suddenly felt overwhelmed to be there, and I thought, why can't it always be like this...breathing room only at the temple? It was lovely and meaningful. The talk after the temple session was wonderful, though I only caught part of it because it took so long for everyone to change.

Tender Mercies

Today, I had the chance to be a piece in the bringing to pass of a tender mercy for someone, and it felt really good.

I had arranged to have the Roosevelt Mariachi Band come to play at Nazareth House today. All the residents were excited and the auditorium was full to capacity. The band was excellent, and very patient with our more forgetful residents who kept asking what school they were from. They had such a great attitude!

One of the residents who attended has not been doing well.  She really made every effort to be there, but was running late. I asked the band director if she could be sure to play one or two songs once she arrived, and she agreed.

Joy and peace filled my heart as I watched this lady with her family, singing, swaying and enjoying the music for what would likely be her last live musical performance. Near the end of the performance, I had one of THOSE moments. It's like the space between one breath and the next has been lengthened, and you have a moment of perfect clarity. I literally felt the love of the Lord for this daughter of his. I knew that this small temporal joy was a gift, a tender mercy, to her and to her family, not because of me but through me and all who worked to make this happen for them.

And that moment was MY tender mercy, because I had been feeling kind of useless to the Lord, feeling like I had nothing to offer him. Yet he used that moment to remind me that he delights in using imperfect people to bring to pass his plans. I'm sure I don't have to tell you that little tears of joy leaked out.

It's all so good. The Lord is good!

Taking the plunge

I've finally lost it, I guess. I signed up for both eharmony and ldsplanet, which are both dating sites. I'm tired of waiting for someone to magically appear in my life for me to love. The singles events in our stake haven't yielded anything promising. I need to move past hope into action. Wish me luck!