Single Adult Conference

Friday night: Temple Session at 6:30 followed by temple presidency message. The talk was focused on helping us realize the trials we face are meant to help us learn to turn to him. The temple blessings can strengthen us in our ability to face these trials and help us find the purpose in them. Not all trials we face are our fault. Most are consequences of living in this mortal world. The Lord's experiences on this earth help him to know how to help us and give us confidence that he understands how we feel.

Saturday opening session: Bro & Sis Williams, missionaries for the Pathways program. They discussed light and truth...that there isn't much time left before Christ comes again. We get light through ordinances, through temple attendance, through keeping the commandments, through praying and studying the scriptures. Truth is the knowledge of things as they are, as they were, as they will be. Light is life...all light comes from God. More light means more power, but we only get more light as we are ready to act on the light we have. Whenever we learn more, it is because we are attending to the light we already have. We don't have to rely on our light. We through the Holy Ghost can rely on the light/knowledge of Christ. We are either gaining or losing light every single day. There is no standing still. We must earnestly seek light and truth.

Breakout Sessions: Cooking class by G. Lynn Sharp was a lot of fun and had some good information!

Symbols of the temple: Symbolism that we observe in the temple is the Lord teaching us. Temple presidencies and temple workers are not supposed to interpret these symbols for us, because it may disrupt our own individual learning. There is no "ONE" meaning behind the symbols we see...there are layers of meaning depending on where we are in our spiritual progress. We must become as a little child, wondering, inquiring, absorbing. Symbols stimulate our minds, help us learn about gospel and personal truths, help us focus on what is important. If something keeps attracting your eye in the temple, it is the Holy Ghost trying to get your attention. Pay attention! Everything in the temple points us toward the Redemptive and Enabling power of the atonement of the Savior. A great temple experience begins with preparation. Give yourself time to prepare body, spirit and mind. The Holy Ghost is the teacher...he prepares, instructs, interprets and reveals as we are ready.

Building Lasting Relationships: Carol Anderson
The more you improve all of your relationships, the more chances you will have to find and build THE relationship you are looking for. Remember three things: The Lord loves us and answers our prayers. We are not saved in isolation - it is our duty to act as agents of righteousness. As we live the Gospel, we will attract good people, worry less about marriage and more about becoming a true disciple of Christ.

Our relationships are mirrors for our lives. Light attracts light. Birds of a feather flock together. People that irritate you remind you of things you need to work on. The Lord uses divine positioning...he puts people in our path to serve his purposes. You may be called to serve, teach, love and endure in order to accomplish his purposes. Happiness and unhappiness are both choices. Righteous choices, service and gratitude all lead to a happier outlook. Focus on being happy, being positive. Even though adversity is a part of every life, how we handle it is what is important.

All good relationships have: Trust, honesty, respect, commitment, safety, ongoing investments of time, reciprocity, communication, and room for the Lord.

Make a list of your requirements in a relationship. Then look and see if you possess those requirements. If not, work toward becoming that person. You are responsible for your relationships. Only you can change yourself, and most importantly, YOU the only one YOU can change.

Commit to a lifetime of growth - spiritual, emotional, interpersonal growth. Remember the BEARR cycle - Belief yields emotion, emotion yields action, action yields a result, and the result reinforces the belief.

Have courage to see your shortcomings. Have a willingness to change. The Lord will reveal these things to you bit by bit. Successful and permanent change comes through the atonement of Christ. Be a better disciple of Christ, and good relationships will happen.

Closing Session: Kimberly Smith and Bryan Davis, descendants of Joseph Smith
Gave us an overview of the dynamics of how the Smith family who fell away view the events around Joseph's death and Brigham Young becoming the prophet. Told of her journey to the LDS church. Explained some of her research around Joseph and Emma Smith. Gave an overview of Emma's life and feelings following Joseph's passing. Encouraged us to act on love. Love is the way through any barriers. Encouraged us to heal our families with love. She said once hatred has been exchanged for love, then God can work with love to change and heal families.

An Apostle of the Lord!

I got to hear M. Russell Ballard speak this morning, among others. I felt the spirit so strongly while I was there. We were in the front row, six feet from an apostle of the Lord! His testimony of Jesus burned in my soul. My testimony of Elder Ballard as a special witness of the Savior is stronger than ever. heart emoticon I actually was able to shake his hand.

Love Note From God

The sky on my way to the temple for the single adult conference night at the temple. This was my second night at the temple this week, and I'll be there early tomorrow morning for youth baptisms as well. The session was so full that I was sitting inches from the screen. As I sat there looking up, I suddenly felt overwhelmed to be there, and I thought, why can't it always be like this...breathing room only at the temple? It was lovely and meaningful. The talk after the temple session was wonderful, though I only caught part of it because it took so long for everyone to change.

Tender Mercies

Today, I had the chance to be a piece in the bringing to pass of a tender mercy for someone, and it felt really good.

I had arranged to have the Roosevelt Mariachi Band come to play at Nazareth House today. All the residents were excited and the auditorium was full to capacity. The band was excellent, and very patient with our more forgetful residents who kept asking what school they were from. They had such a great attitude!

One of the residents who attended has not been doing well.  She really made every effort to be there, but was running late. I asked the band director if she could be sure to play one or two songs once she arrived, and she agreed.

Joy and peace filled my heart as I watched this lady with her family, singing, swaying and enjoying the music for what would likely be her last live musical performance. Near the end of the performance, I had one of THOSE moments. It's like the space between one breath and the next has been lengthened, and you have a moment of perfect clarity. I literally felt the love of the Lord for this daughter of his. I knew that this small temporal joy was a gift, a tender mercy, to her and to her family, not because of me but through me and all who worked to make this happen for them.

And that moment was MY tender mercy, because I had been feeling kind of useless to the Lord, feeling like I had nothing to offer him. Yet he used that moment to remind me that he delights in using imperfect people to bring to pass his plans. I'm sure I don't have to tell you that little tears of joy leaked out.

It's all so good. The Lord is good!

Taking the plunge

I've finally lost it, I guess. I signed up for both eharmony and ldsplanet, which are both dating sites. I'm tired of waiting for someone to magically appear in my life for me to love. The singles events in our stake haven't yielded anything promising. I need to move past hope into action. Wish me luck!

Johnny turns 14

My little Johnny turned 14 on March 7th. He has been growing up...when I look at the picture from just six months ago and compare it to today, I just can't believe how tall and big he has gotten. He's grown up in other ways, too. He's currently getting all A's in school. On his own, he applied for Edison Computech High School, which I never expected. I thought for sure he would stay at Bullard since that's where his brother went. He's pretty confident right now though that he wants to do some sort of engineering career, and he felt Edison was the place for him. That kind of self-determination is good, and bodes well for him being able to choose different paths from his brother, which he truly needs to on more than one front.

He will also be ordained a teacher on March 15th by his brother in law, Nick. He selected who he wanted to do the ordination himself. He asked me for a new set of scriptures and a scripture bag as a present for his birthday. I also got him a really nice Stauer watch with a real wrist band. He loves it.

His birthday was kind of a bummer, because of Joe's appendicitis and surgery happening on his big day, but we made it up to him later. :)

Appendicitis Strikes!

I had arranged to get off early on Friday, thinking I'd clean the house, get a head start on yard work, and take my daughter to a play on Friday night that she needed to attend for school later that evening, and I was planning on working on Saturday to make up those hours when the kids were at their dad's. Thursday night, I discovered that my former husband had scheduled an appointment for Laine that he didn't tell me about, so instead of yard work and cleaning the pool filter, I ended up picking up Laine from school, taking her to lunch, then going to her doctor's appointment. After the appointment, her dad followed us home because he was going to pick up the boys to take to his house. I arrived first, and Joe immediately came up to me and told me that he had been having pain in his abdomen. I asked him where. He showed me the lower right side. I asked him how severe, and he said it was a six or seven. It had started during fourth period at school and was progressively getting worse. I had him lay down and pressed on his abdomen. When I released it, he shouted. Appendicitis, I thought.

Patrick arrived and I told him about Joe's symptoms, and he agreed to take Joe to urgent care while I stayed with Laine and took her to the play. My phone battery, as is usual per late, was nearly dead, and was not taking a charge. Fortunately, Laine had hers with her, so we relied on messages back and forth to learn that Joe did indeed have appendicitis, and that he was being admitted to the hospital. I told Patrick we would head over as soon as the play was finished. He was still in the emergency room when I arrived, and they were allowed only one visitor per time, so Patrick and I traded places so I could see him. By that time, they had already given him an IV and had him on IV antibiotics. They were getting ready to move him to a room. They explained that someone would need to stay with him the whole time because he was a minor, and they would need our authorization if he needed any kind of treatment. Patrick had gone out to the truck to get Joe's charger and other things he needed. They transferred him to a room.

We finally got settled, and I texted Patrick to tell him what room we were in. No response. I sent him several more messages. No answer. Finally I called him, to see if he could take Laine home. I finally reached him and he told me he was at home asleep and wanted to know why I called him. Asleep?! I called Kelly to see if she could come and pick up Laine, and she did. I stayed with Joe overnight, praying, thinking, feeling kind of mad at Patrick, worrying about whether or not I should call in to work.

I sent messages in the morning to Erin, Kelly, Laine and Patrick that Joe's surgery would be at 9. Everyone responded except Patrick. I signed all the forms, went with him to pre-op, got him all settled. Then they escorted me to the waiting area, where I had to remain throughout the surgery. Patrick called me and asked me when Joe's surgery was, saying he never got my messages. Darn phone. Everything went fine, thank the Lord. They finished just as I had to leave for work. Patrick still hadn't arrived, but I had to get to work because I had  about 10 residents waiting to go to the Fresno Art Museum next door to my work, and I knew I had volunteers coming to help, thanks to the young women of our ward. As soon as I was done with my shift at 3, I left and went home to change and back to the hospital. Joe's post surgery pain was pretty high, so I decided to stay with him overnight again. It was then that I remembered that I was teaching a lesson in relief society the next day. Thank God the spirit had prompted me to prepare early for the lesson, because then it was simply a matter of reviewing everything. I had trouble sleeping that night. I kept thinking about my all the struggles of my children, all the yard work that I had postponed yet again, the green murky pool in my back yard, the messy house that needed cleaning, how to manage Joe being off of school and needing care, the fact that I had missed attending the temple at my regular time. And the time change had me freaked out. What if I didn't wake up in time to get to church? I also kept thinking about my lesson, and praying that the spirit would help me because I knew I would be very tired. I finally fell asleep sometime after Joe did, and woke up several times to help Joe use the bathroom. I also woke up when the nurses came in to check on him.

Finally, around 4 in the morning, I woke up and looked outside the window at the moon. I couldn't take my eyes off of it. I felt peace and the love of the Lord permeate my soul, and I felt the whisper deep inside that the spirit would be with me during my lesson, and that I need not be so worried, that the Lord was watching over me. I then slept until 7 when the nurses came in again.

True to his word, the spirit was with me not just during the lesson, but I felt it in abundance throughout sacrament meeting. After church, we went to the hospital to check on Joe, and they told me he was being discharged. Kelly called Patrick on my phone to tell him, and had him on speaker phone. The kids were treated to a lesson on "how dad talks to mom" as he rudely, rapidly and abruptly dismissed anything I had to say in favor of what he wanted to say, so I couldn't tell him that I was already at the hospital and would take Joe to his house, where he would remain for care during the week because of my job. He arrived just as we finished the paperwork, and took Joe home with him.

And that's where he is tonight, in the "care" of his father. I sincerely hope Joe gets the support he needs to get well while he's there.

Weekend of Fun

This weekend was both Valentine's Day and Erin's birthday, so naturally we decided to make a trip to Sacramento to see Erin and Nick.

I rested Friday night from an exhausting week at work. Then Saturday morning, I got up early to go to the temple, and finally, started tidying up the house before we hit the road. That's when I discovered the shower in the boy's bathroom. It was covered (and I do mean covered!) with mold and mildew. I was so grossed out, I had to stop right then and scrub that thing down. I felt like if I left it there, it would soon take over our whole house. You would think that they would complain that it was dirty, or (gasp) try to clean it themselves, but no...they would rather close their eyes and ignore the horror.

After I was done tackling that awful project, we traveled to Sacramento, where we were able to drop in on Erin at work and then go home for games, food and fun. Erin took us to a gigantic international grocery store where there was food from every conceivable ethnicity. We had fun seeing all the different types of foods and languages there. We made tacos at their apartment. It seems like we're always making tacos when we're together! Everyone loves them.

On Erin's 28th birthday, we were able to spend the morning together hanging out and talking, then headed to church at 1 o'clock. I was so happy that even Joe and Kelly went with us to the service, and stayed the whole time! After church, we went home and made hot and sour chicken soup, pot stickers and rice. It was so wonderful to spend some time together!!

"I'm going to heaven!"

One of the residents I talk to often at work always starts, punctuates and ends her conversations with me with this statement, "I'm going to heaven!" She passed 100 many years ago, and is looking forward to checking out, settling up, and cashing in her rewards. (Sounds like a hotel stay!)

In the care center, we often get to witness the last days of our residents' lives. We get to hold hands, offer love and encouragement, wipe away tears and tend to the business of both living and dying. Someone I know who is a foster parent talks about what it's like to love someone you know won't be with you tomorrow. That struck a chord with me. That is the privilege we have as we watch over these souls.

All of our residents are old. They will all die soon. What happens between the time they enter our care and the time they leave this life is largely up to us and quality of interactions we have with them. I look at it as a sacred trust. Long before someone begins actively dying I make it my business to know at least some of the things that they love, a few things that make life worth living for them. I make it my mission to know them, to begin to love them. This process is smoother for some residents than others, but fortunately for me, God made it easy for me. While I often have difficulty trusting others, love comes easily to me, and especially for older adults (and children). When people draw close to the end, it makes it easy to step out of my comfort zone to reach out.

I'm so thankful for my job. I'm so grateful that the Lord has given me so many people to learn charity and kindness and patience and pretty much all the Christlike virtues we are supposed to be striving for. He's placed me in the crucible of developing those attributes in my home and work life...it must be urgent for me to learn these things!

September Morn

I'm feeling like I should have titled this post September Mourn with all the deaths that have transpired around me lately. We had so many residents pass away that I was close to at work that it was hard to keep things happy and upbeat at work, especially with Millicent and Sister Wachtler passing away as well. Tis the season to try my faith regarding death and the reality of resurrection and the plan of salvation.

In the midst of all of this, I have been trying to help someone close to me get a handle on her depression. I struggle with depression myself, so I know this is a tough battle. I don't know what the right thing to say or do is most of the time, but I am trying to pray and keep tabs on how I can be of help. I feel useless most of the time, but there's no way I will ever give up trying.

I think I can see now part of the plan with why I received specific insight and guidance to start paying better attention to my health. I needed to witness for myself the importance and benefits of caring for my body. I also needed to learn self-discipline and how to endure well the challenge of making myself do things I don't want to do.

I've kept up the running...three days a week since I started! Except this last Tuesday when I spent the night in the emergency room with someone and had to head to work after one hour of sleep. I decided to change my running plan to an interval plan, at least for the time being, to reduce the risk of injury, increase my endurance, and make it possible for me to run the half marathon I am aiming for in March. I've never been a big fan of getting up early, but recently, I have found my morning run to be a blessing in a lot of ways...the peace, the beauty, the lack of people (sorry, but it's true), the chance to be awake and alone with my own thoughts (at times, painfully so), attuned to my body and the adjustments I need to make. I think this is helping me to develop the spiritual discipline to apply what I'm learning to spiritual matters in which I need to grow. On the days I don't run, I am using an exercise program called Slim in 6 to start my day. I am heading into the second segment of this program, and I'm looking forward to seeing how my body changes.

I think I've been gaining and losing the same few pounds for about a month now, but yesterday I dropped to my lowest weight in ages. We'll see if it stays that way on my weigh in day on Monday. I will need to get up even earlier because my training programs are getting longer, and I'm trying to build in more prayer and study into my morning routine so I take care of the important things before I wake the kids and start my workday.