Anchored in Faith

Stake Conference Talk September 15, 2013

Good morning! My name is April Cavanaugh. I'm a member of the Van Ness Ward. I’ve been a member of this church for 24 years as of this August. I want to begin by saying what a tremendous blessing the gospel has been in my life. I’m grateful for every aspect of it. While finding and having the gospel in my life has not kept me from experiencing many trials, it has given me a sure compass to follow. Living the gospel was and is a work in progress, but my testimony of it is sure.

But in case you think that the stake presidency invited me to speak because of how amazing I am, I want to reassure you, while I’m trying to do everything I can to live the gospel, as a single mother of five with four ranging in ages from 12 to 18 still at home, I am confronted every day with my shortcomings, weaknesses and failures. And in case I miss any, my children are right there to point them out to me.  Yet I have found great peace in living the gospel, and have become anchored in faith as I have committed to doing so. 

Sometimes people will comment to me about how strong they think I am, and while I appreciate their encouragement, I know in my heart that it is not me that is strong, but the gospel which is strong. In fact, if it weren’t for the gospel, I know I would be a complete mess. Fortunately for us, the Lord doesn’t require our strength, only our willingness to never give up (AKA enduring to the end).

In the Book of Mormon, it relates the tale of the Jews who followed Moses, who were smitten with fiery flying serpents. When they were bitten, they could be healed by following some simple instructions. “and the labor which they had to perform was to look; and because of the simpleness of the way, or the easiness of it, there were many who perished.” (1 Nephi 17:41) All they had to do was to look upon the symbol that had been prepared for them, and they would not do it. At times I am like the people in this scripture, when I forget to do the simple things of the gospel that we are told will change and sanctify us. Doing prayer, scripture study, choosing the right, serving others, and attending our church meetings consistently, diligently and often, has the power to change us. We learn the foundational simple things of the gospel in primary, but life distracts us from these simple things if we let it.

The truth of the matter is that I am often overwhelmed, not only with my responsibilities as a single mother, but with the difficulties life brings as well. I keep on my desk a silhouette of a person sitting in a boat on the water. The saying underneath says: Dear Lord, be good to me. The sea is so wide and my boat is so small. The image and the saying together remind me to anchor myself in the Lord, and to recognize that one person alone can accomplish very little, but with the Lord’s help, all things are possible.

When I feel overwhelmed, I try to refocus on the little things. According to Elder Bednar: "Ordinary people who faithfully, diligently, and consistently do simple things that are right before God will bring forth extraordinary results." For me, this means constant gratitude for my blessings, prayer and scripture study, attending all of my church meetings, attending the temple and obeying the commandments to the best of my ability.  In particular, never missing an opportunity to partake of the sacrament gives me the opportunity to renew my baptismal covenants, be clean once again from my sins, as well as the ability to face another week of challenges.

Gospel knowledge and strong testimonies rarely happen overnight. We learn bit by bit. And once we learn for ourselves what is true, we must follow Elder Holland’s counsel from his conference talk entitled, Lord I Believe. Every time Elder Holland gets up to speak, I almost hold my breath throughout his talk in anticipation of what he will say, because I know it will be great and this talk was no exception. He counsels us to remind ourselves of what we know when we are faced with what we don’t. I quote: “In moments of fear or doubt in troubling times, hold the ground you have already won, even if that ground is limited.” Don’t be afraid because you lack knowledge. Hold fast to every little bit of truth you gain.

We must progress in the gospel. We stand still or regress at our own peril.  Elder Eyring said in his talk entitled Always: “As the forces around us increase in intensity, whatever spiritual strength was once sufficient will not be enough. And whatever growth in spiritual strength we once thought was possible, greater growth will be made available to us. Both the need for spiritual strength and the opportunity to acquire it will increase at rates which we underestimate at our peril.”

“My message is a plea, a warning and a promise: I plead with you to do with determination the simple things that will move you forward spiritually.”

One huge blessing available to all of us in our lives is the temple. Each time I walk up the steps to go inside, my heart is full of gratitude. I am reminded of visiting the site each week as it was being built. I think of my daughter and son, then about 3 and a half and 1 and a half, who are now 18 and 16, turning over a shovelful of dirt at the groundbreaking. I love the temple. Each time I attend, I find it deepens my faith, reconnects me with the things of eternity, gives me the opportunity to serve others, and strengthens me even in the midst of bitter trials. One of my favorite things to do is to attend the temple with my kids as they do baptisms for the dead. The joy in the room is tangible, and it does my heart good to see my children in that holy setting. I have found that when I make the effort to attend once a week or more frequently when I can, that all things run smoother in my life. I am deeply blessed by my service at the temple. 

The temple is one of the best places for me to receive revelation, because the world is shut out. Revelation through the gift of the Holy Spirit is another key to strength in the gospel. We obtain the blessing of the companionship of the spirit through doing the little things I mentioned previously. We strengthen our ability to feel it by becoming familiar with it, acting quickly on what the Lord asks us through the spirit, and making space in our lives to feel its influence. One of the things we tend to do as a society is fill up all the quiet moments with television, radio, internet, music or other distractions. Yet when I intentionally turn off distractions, or have church hymns playing quietly instead of other music, there is both time and space for heartfelt prayer and impressions from the spirit. Some of my most precious moments have come when I have followed the promptings I have received. The Lord has actively worked to transform my life through the revelations he has given me. When I move forward in faith, trusting his word, then I am demonstrating obedience and opening myself to further light.

There are few things I can count on in my life, but one thing I have come to know and trust is that if I am doing what the Lord has asked me to do, I can be sure he will bless me. He asks me to pursue certain paths. This doesn’t guarantee that things will be easy or that I will not have great trials while I obey him. In fact, in some cases, it almost seems to guarantee the opposite. Yet KNOWING that I am doing what he asked gives me confidence that I am exactly where I need to be right now. Some days I pursue the path he has asked me to take with great confidence. On other days, I hesitate and wonder, “Lord? Really?” Nevertheless, I press forward in faith. I take comfort and confidence in the fact that I know he loves me and knows me perfectly.

I know the Lord loves me. I know this because of the blessing of the gospel in my life. I know that every good thing in life comes as a direct result of God’s love for us. He teaches me this daily, and in particular through the beautiful things of this earth. He has seen fit to give me tangible evidences of his love, as well as sacred, profound experiences given when I have prayed and opened my heart to him. One of my former bishops used to tell me that everything around us testifies not just of the Lord’s love for us, but also the atonement, and since then, I have tried to ask myself over and over again, what does this situation teach me about the atonement and about God? While weeding the garden, while observing new growth in a forest ravaged by fire, while watching my dog Abby safeguard a baby bird between her paws…so many lessons around us to teach us about God if only we  let them. This practice has deepened my relationship with my Father in Heaven and has strengthened my testimony. Not only should we let the world testify to us, we should also testify to the world, to ourselves and God, to our families, and to our friends. When we bear testimony, we invite the spirit to be present, because the spirit is always present when truth is spoken.

Another source of peace in our lives is forgiveness. Not only should we seek forgiveness from the Lord, but we should exercise forgiveness and patience with others as we bump up against them in this life. There are no perfect people, even in the church. Forgive others easily, since that is what we desire most from the Lord when we ourselves make mistakes. And know that our weaknesses or the weaknesses of others will not in any way prevent God from accomplishing his purposes. As it says in 1 Corinthians 1:27: “But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty.”  And I loved Elder Holland’s comment: “So be kind regarding human frailty – your own as well as that of those who serve with you in a church led by volunteer, mortal men and women. Except in the case of His only perfect Begotten Son, imperfect people are all God has ever had to work with. That must be terribly frustrating to him, but he deals with it. So should we.”

Another source of strength uniquely available to us as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is a living prophet upon the earth. In a few weeks, we will be able to learn at the feet of the first presidency and the apostles what things the Lord wants us to know. I have learned that when I study the conference talks and act upon what I have been taught, two things happen. First, I gain a sure testimony of the divine calling of these men of God, and secondly, my life is blessed. Actually, I guess there are three things…I have come to love each of them deeply. We can rely upon their guidance, as well as the guidance of our Bishops and stake presidencies. When I am faced with a challenge, I try to seek out counsel offered on that topic from conference talks, and this has been a tremendous source of inspiration and guidance in my life. My recent completion of my bachelor’s degree, my new job and many other blessings in my life have come as I have followed the promptings I received as I studied and prayed about specific talks. In my daily life, I have been blessed with the wise counsel of my Bishop, who has supported and blessed me more than he could possibly know. 

From the same talk by Elder Holland comes this quote: “When those moments come and issues surface, the resolution of which is not immediately forthcoming, hold fast to what you already know and stand strong until additional knowledge comes.” Often that additional knowledge comes as I counsel with my bishop, review conference talks or attend the temple. Sometimes it’s a long time in coming, but I know, I KNOW, that the Lord hears me and will sustain me through my trials.

No doubt trials will come to each of us. I have had my share of trials. I have been let down by others, betrayed by them, and been disappointed by them. Trials beset me even now, and are all around me. The fallen nature of this world we live in tries my patience and often leaves me weary. The world is unpredictable, unfair, and full of pain.  Yet, I try to let even my trials testify to my heart of Christ. There is a Christian musician by the name of Laura Story. Whenever I hear her song, Blessings, I am moved to tears because it reminds me of the way that trials can bring us to Christ and strengthen our testimonies. The chorus says, “Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise.”

Who among us hasn’t experienced those sleepless nights? When we finally turn to the Lord and our soul finds peace, we are deeply blessed. But it is when we learn to turn to him first that we have truly learned that he is as near as a whisper. I have been blessed to learn again and again that prayer, heartfelt and sincere, is truly a gift from God. And our trials, however hard they are to bear, can turn our hearts to the Lord and bind us to him in love.

Later the song says, “When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home.”

While we live upon this earth, in the thick of earthly things, this is not our home. Our home is with our Father in Heaven and our Savior Jesus Christ, and with our families who have been sealed to us through temple covenants. When we are anchored in faith, and let the world around us testify of the atonement, we are anchored in the things of eternity. Build our lives around the one sure foundation. Hold fast to the true and living gospel of Jesus Christ. In this there is safety, strength and peace.

I would like to conclude with the words to one of my favorite hymns, Lead Kindly Light. “Lead kindly light, amid the encircling gloom. Lead thou me on! The night is dark, and I am far from home. Lead thou me on! Keep thou my feet…I do not ask to see the distant scene. One step enough for me.”

Step forward in faith. Lean on the one sure rock of our faith, Jesus Christ. Trust that this gospel is his work and can transform even the most rebellious of souls. I know this because he is transforming me. In a world where everything changes, he is unchangeable, constant and never varies from that which is right. He does not require our strength…he has enough strength for us all. He requires our obedience, and if we never give up, he will lead us step by step through the darkest of nights into the brilliant light of celestial glory.

Running Away

A little gift shop and studio in Three Rivers. We
loved the architecture.

Behind the studio was this little treasure...

   I decided to have Kelly practice her driving today by helping me to escape from Fresno.
   We headed out first to Valley Animal Center where we were tempted by many adorable dogs and puppies, but we successfully resisted all cuteness and pleas for a new home.
   Then I decided to head out to Three Rivers, where there was supposed to be an Art Festival today until 5 pm. So Kelly took us on Highway 99 to Highway 198 and out toward the little town of Three Rivers.
    I had forgotten how large the Sierra Nevadas are, and today reminded me. Because of the air conditions here in the valley, I don't get to see them much, but as we drove out, they kept getting clearer and clearer, and I was shocked at how tall they seemed.
   We listened to Kelly's choice of music as we drove along. Soon the fairly straight road turned curvy and the surroundings became more interesting. Guided by the GPS in my phone, we continued past big oaks, brush, and hills of various sizes.
   We arrived into the town, but could find no festivals, or signs of festivals, anywhere. We did however stop at a few shops and studios.

I loved the rocks. I wonder what it looks like when the
rivers are really flowing?

A little stand of trees.

Part of a bench that caught my eye.

I loved this glass piece.

Art everywhere we looked!

This path kept calling my name.
I resisted only because I was in sandals.

A real Art Kitty.

Don't you just love this tree's branches?

No wonder people live in Three Rivers...look at that view!

Gorgeous!

More, more and MORE therapy!

Johnny with a rare smile captured on
camera. And look at all those grapes he harvested!

Laine harvesting her first bunch
of grapes this year!

 We spent our Wednesday evening harvesting grapes for our church's welfare vineyard. Each ward is assigned several rows, and the rows are LONG!! All of the grapes harvested here are used to make raisins for the humanitarian efforts of the church worldwide. They also make an appearance at Bishop's storehouses across the nation to feed hungry members of our church.

A picture of the fruits of our labors.
It was a small crop this year.

Give a teenage boy a knife and this is what happens.
Sheesh. Boys!

   It was 96 degrees when we arrived, and I wasn't sure I could do much. I have a very physical job and when I arrived home, I was exhausted. I had to close my eyes for what was supposed to be 15 minutes but turned into half an hour. I woke up, got dressed in my grubbies and collected the children and headed off to the vineyard. I have to admit, even though I wanted to do my part, spending a couple of hours in the heat doing so as tired and dehydrated as I have been sure didn't seem like it should be number one on my list. Nevertheless, I set out to be a good example for my children and do it whether I wanted to or not. As it turned out, we all had fun (except for the part where I cut myself while trying to pry/cut grapes from the wires!) and the weather cooled off dramatically as the evening progressed.

More messing around for the photo. Of course, I never let
them behave this way normally. But if I wanted a
photo, a compromise had to be made.

   We have some rows to finish, so it's likely that we will be at the vineyard again on Saturday morning. But if we are finished by then, I plan on attending the temple again! Serving others is the best kind of therapy. I know I'm doing something meaningful, and I can feel good about how I've spent my time, without any regrets at all.
   And best of all, I know that my family is blessed every time we do service for others!

More Therapy

Borrowed from the LDS.org Website
© 2006, Mark Gudmundsen.

Therapy

Two days of therapy following my miserable week yielded this beautiful sight:

It's what I do when I feel like everything is out of control...take a task that I can actually finish and get to it.

And just in case you think this was a small feat, let me assure you...it produced 30 pounds of recycling, 22 pounds of trash, and another five pounds of paper that needs to be shredded. Most of it was paper that had to individually examined and decided upon.

It was therapy on two fronts...restoring my sense of control, and severing ties to painful things in my past. I still have to work on the filing cabinets, which I'll tackle this week. In the meantime, the kids are fighting over who gets to use my desk first. :)

And yes, this is the same room which has the (now) lovely closet!

College Life

Kelly started at Fresno City College on the 12th. I'm very excited for her new adventure, because I know that college life is very different from high school. In this picture, she's getting ready to go to work at the bridal salon where she does inventory and other responsibilities. As you can see, the cell phone is still an incredibly important part of academic life. :) I forgot to mention that her mode of transportation is either city bus or boyfriend.

First Day of School

And we're off! The 2013 school year began this Monday. Joe is a junior at Bullard High. Laine just began her freshman year at Bullard High, and Johnny is a seventh grader at Tenaya. All three children are driving themselves back and forth to school on their bikes. For Laine and Joe, it's not too bad...just a mile and a half each way. For Johnny, though, it's a 2.5 mile one way trip, and he has to travel on a busy street for a portion of the way. It makes me very anxious, but it's a necessary thing. They need to be able to be more independent since I'm working days and can't pick any of them up.

They're all looking forward to a busy and productive school year, and I'm looking forward to a little less damage to the house while I'm gone all day. :)

After Photos

 We did it!

Thanks to the able assistance of Christin and Heather, we were able to slay the monsters in my closet and restore order.

I couldn't bring myself to post any before photos, because, well...it was ugly.

There were boxes and boxes of papers that needed to be shredded. There were games and school supplies on the floor. There was laundry. Lots of things that shouldn't have been in my closet somehow came to consume my closet.

Look at it now!

We were only able to accomplish this work of art because Heather and Christin were patient and determined and spent a few hours with me while I sorted through things that they drug out of the closet. The hardest part was all the paper...items that each needed an individual decision about what to do with them. (And I still have a ton more paperwork to sort through on my desk! I'm doing that 15 minutes each day until it is done.)

I can now access my workout equipment, my craft supplies, the school supplies and all of my stamping collection.

I love it. I keep going in there and getting startled by how nice it is. I feel like I could live in my closet now!!

  

Monsters in the Closet

There are monsters in my closet. They are spilling out of boxes. They are falling off of shelves and hangers. They are lying on the floor. Life is full of messes, and my closet is one big mess.

That's going to change.

Two of my friends are coming over and helping me to tame the beasts. After that, no children allowed in my closet without my knowledge and permission. (Can you hear the "Yeah, right!" from your house?)

(sigh)

In a way, the closet (and my desk area) are reflective of my life at the moment...crammed so full, you almost can't fit anything else in. Indicative of a crazy schedule, too little sleep and the feeling of being completely overwhelmed. Full of things that need to be drug out into the light, dealt with and decided upon. Purging, trashing and donating in massive quantities are the order of the day, in all areas of my life.

Let it begin!

Called to Love

We have a few residents who will be passing away soon, and I've been thinking about what this calling means, to serve the elderly. Of course, in my many years of working with seniors, I've experienced a lot of loss. Some people ask me how I can stand to work with an age group that is so close to death. They ask, "Have you gotten used to it? Does it get easier?"

My answer is complicated. No surprise, right? Nothing is ever as straightforward as it seems. I fall in love with most of our elderly clients. A few just plain sweep me off of my feet. I feel called to love and serve these people with all of my heart, and it's easy for me to do just that. For as long as they are with me, whether that is days or weeks or months or years, I will do my very best to love them and meet their needs. It feels natural and is clearly a part of who I am as a person.

Of course, in my mind always is the knowledge that death is imminent for all of them. Well, really for all of us, right? But for our seniors, it seems closer and more real to most of the world. Truthfully, it never gets any easier to see families and individuals go through the pain and sorrow of physical death and saying their earthly goodbyes. My heart aches for them. I miss people when they die. (I still can't do my morning announcements or lead my exercise class without thinking of one of the most wonderful ladies I have ever met.)

Fortunately, though, I am blessed to know that all of this here on earth is part of God's plan for us. His plan of happiness contains a lot of sorrows, and earthly death is part of that sorrow. The sorrows and pains of this world are here as a result of this mortal sphere, and are tools God uses to refine us and make us better than we ever believed we could be. He created this world and placed us here to exercise our agency, to learn and to grow. Every part of this plan from his perspective is to "bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man." In other words, to overcome sin and death so that all of us - his children - may live with him again in glory. If I look at death as a doorway (in the same way that birth is a doorway), and if I truly know who waits on the other side of that door, then death loses some of its sting and I can rejoice spiritually in the crossing of a soul, even as my mortal mind and heart mourn at the loss of these new (old) friends.

I think it's a bit like foster-parenting. I have the privilege of loving and caring for these individuals who may or may not have a support system. I provide physical, emotional, social and spiritual care while they are entrusted to me. Most of them like me or love me, and some of them tolerate me. I know going in to the deal that it's for a short time. Some of the people (many, in fact) have health issues that make caring for them a challenge at times, but under all of that is a person, with the richness and the layers of life clinging to them.

When death comes, it is an occasion with many attributes. Sorrow for the family and for myself. Relief for the individual who no longer suffers pain. Joy for the soul gone on to reunite with family and with God and our Savior. Knowledge that death is a doorway through which our physical bodies cannot fit. Excitement that this person I love gets to know and experience the truthfulness of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Confidence that every person will be resurrected and receive a perfected and glorified physical form. Peace that permeates my soul and lifts me as I go about the business of loving and caring for the next senior entrusted to my care.

For some, home is a place with walls and a roof where their family lives. For me, home is serving others. It is the place I feel most useful, most like myself, most like the person my Father in Heaven wants me to be, and it is the place where I am prepared to enter my Heavenly home. This place of serving my elderly friends, this place of transition and joy and sorrow...this is my home. No, it's not easy to say goodbye, and no, death doesn't get any easier. In fact, there are days when it seems more than I can bear. But then God through his Holy Spirit reminds me and cradles me, and I feel at peace. This is my calling...a calling of love. And with God, all things are possible.