Finishing Furniture

I had to take the plunge and buy the boys a new dresser. They needed a long dresser with lots of drawers, and my favorite unfinished furniture store had a great deal on a big dresser. So it's sitting in the room, waiting for me to get started on one of my favorite tasks...finishing furniture!

I first discovered this shortly after my husband and I were separated six years ago. We were going through some very trying, fearful times in our family, and the dining room table, which had been used for 20 years when we bought it 13 years ago, was worn, ugly looking, and full of impressions from the kids' homework through the years. As I sorted through my life with all its frustrations, thought through the options for our future, and sought to keep myself from going absolutely insane, I decided to sand off all the finish and start over. It was physical, messy and exactly what I needed. Originally, I thought I would try to make the table light colored (instead of it's original mahogany), but it turned out that the knots were too darkly stained to look attractive, so I ended up putting the mahogany on anyway, after sanding the table yet again.

During the process of doing all this, I pondered many things and prayed often. I thought about why I always seemed to choose men who were bad for me. I thought about all the anger and frustration I'd experienced at the hands of people who were supposed to care about me. I considered why I hadn't thought to stand up for myself or anyone else until those actions were directed at the children. I looked often at the picture of Christ that hangs in our dining room and thought about the qualities I and the children needed in our home. I made resolutions and promises to myself then that I still think about each time we eat at that table. I intended that love, happiness, prayer and peace (note: I did not say "peace and quiet!")would be found in our home, along with laughter, encouragement, and understanding. I would stamp out criticism and lack of respect. I determined that should I find someone that was insane enough to WANT to marry me, I would look for certain things...a desire to serve others quietly and without fanfare, a Christlike love and tenderness, a strong faith, patience and kindness. (Is there such a man?? If there is, why is he single? ) Most importantly to me, whoever I marry must love my children with all their gifts, talents, faults and idiosyncrasies.

The table when it was finished looked amazing. It was imperfect, and you could tell it wasn't done by a professional, but the important thing was that I had done it, and to me it was a symbol of my personal progress. I was grateful for the ache in my arms, the soreness of my back, the stain in my hair, and my fingernails that I just couldn't get clean. To me they were badges of honor, and proof that I had worked (and thought) hard.

Ever since that time, I have finished several pieces of furniture. None of them have turned out perfectly, but each one is a joy to me. It takes a generic piece of furniture and makes it ours. The kids enjoy helping me, and the drips on the sides, or the unevenness of the stain are hardly relevant. I am after all, raising children and not selling furniture. :-)

Am I crazy or what?

I have decided to go back to university. Actually, I decided it a year ago in April. May 2009, I quit my job to help my kids get started in middle school and high school respectively, then I planned to start back at college in the spring semester of 2010. Because money is an issue, Fresno State was really my only option.

I ended up dealing with some complicated issues...my son really struggled in middle school and was diagnosed with ADD and anxiety, and we spent every night from the time he got home from school until 11 or midnight trying to complete his homework, which he could only do with me sitting right there redirecting him. In addition, my youngest daughter had some digestive issues that became dramatically worse last year, and we were spending considerable time at the doctor's offices. Fresno State refused to take applications for the Spring semester due to budgetary constraints, which was probably just as well for me...I don't know if I could have handled all that was going on and attended school, too. Then we received a possible diagnosis for Laine, that she might have Krohn's disease. Not knowing for sure whether she did or didn't, or what kind of medical management that would require from me, I opted to hold off applying to Fresno State in the fall.

Over the summer, it was determined that Laine did not have Krohn's disease (even though her test came back positive), and then I heard that Fresno State was accepting applications for the Spring semester. I applied, and I've just received word that they've accepted me!!!

I keep thinking about how crazy my schedule is...managing the kids and their various activities, starting a business, working on several non-profit projects, church...am I crazy to think I can do this? Please, if you're the praying sort, please pray for me.

Christmas Musings

Every year around this time, I think, "Yikes! Christmas is coming!"

When I was younger, before children, I always thought I'd raise kids who got a few gifts for Christmas, but nothing too expensive, and that we'd take all the REST of the money and use it to bless the lives of others and do service.

Then I got married. Patrick already had Erin by that time, and she had five years of Santa, tons of presents from her mom, from her dad, from her uncle, from her grandparents. And so when we had our own children, we let Santa visit, and gave gifts, too.

With things so tight in our economy and in my budget, I keep thinking (for the past three years now) that maybe I can get the kids to sign on board for minimal gifts for us and more serving of others. The last two years, no go. This year when I started to offer the thought to my son Joe, he said in a very mature way, "Mom, I gotta be honest...I LIKE getting presents." ((sigh))

Do I put my foot down, say one gift for everyone and do what I want? Or do I let them hold on to the traditional Christmas for as long as it takes for them to come around? Next year, I may not have much choice, depending on how my business is growing (or not) by then.

Part of my attitude is that I REALLY dislike shopping. I have friends that joke that I'm more of a guy than a girl in this department. When I go shopping (unless it's for books), there's no browsing, no excitement over making purchases...it's all agony to me. Spending money on things that will get broken, outgrown, misplaced or stolen seems like such a waste. We already have too much stuff!! And I hate it.

Part of my attitude is that I'm really a social moron about choosing gifts. I am terrible at selecting things others want. I have limited success even with my own children. I usually let THEM pick out what they want, then I don't have to 1) spend as much time shopping and 2) get that "what is THIS?" look when they unwrap it.

And finally, another part (the biggest part) of my attitude is that I really prefer doing for others....serving makes my heart glad and brings happiness to others. I want my children to love blessing others, too. I feel guilty buying things we really don't need when others can't buy the things they need or Christmas gifts. Serving is what Christmas, and life, are really all about.

Somehow, I have to find a happy medium.

September 11, 2001

‎9 years ago today, I stood with my 5 year old daughter Kelly on the blacktop at Del Mar Elementary School. Johnny was in his snuggie barely 6 months old, still sleepy and all bundled up. Laine, 2, was in the stroller and Joe was holding on my hand. the sky was a brilliant blue and the flag against the sky was so beautiful. As was the custom at Del Mar, when the bell rang, everyone together recited the pledge of allegiance. That morning it seemed every parent had come with their child. None of us could hold back the tears completely. That early in the morning, no one was sure what exactly had happened. All we knew was that our nation was under attack.

I tried to keep the TV off for much of the day time, so the kids would not have excessive stress, but at night, I couldn't tear myself away from the human drama unfolding. My heart was deeply sorrowed over what was happening. Any patriotic song could set tears rolling down my face. I was alone and frightened. Prayer became ever more important to me as I learned to rely on God's grace to get me through each day.

Patrick was traveling out of state on an extended multi-state sales trip. It was his phone call to me that alerted me to what was happening. I was managing the household and worrying over his safety. In the days following the attacks, everyone was a bit nervous and were concerned about other types of attacks occurring. Through an open window one night, I smelled chemical fumes. I was very concerned. I closed the windows and called the Sheriff. They determined that a neighbor had been using a chemical pesticide outdoors.

Since September 11th, I have found that my country and defending my country have meant so much more to me. Reciting the pledge of allegiance that day stays in my heart today. I have also been more inclined to be active politically, and I try to stay involved. I fear too many people who live here don't see the precious gift we have in America, our freedoms truly granted by God, together with all the resourcefulness of this great nation. Too many people are becoming dependent on the government to take care of them, and as they forsake their ability to choose their own life, they also forsake what made this country great. In the current political climate, there is increasingly more divisiveness and hatred being promulgated at all levels, particularly in the media.

When are we going to permanently learn the lesson we partly experienced that terrible September day and in the weeks following? It is in loving and supporting one another; being individually resourceful and self-reliant; returning to morality as a basis for our nation; recognizing the gift of freedom that we have and wanting others to have it, too; reaching out to help others with a hand up, not a hand out; in being one nation, regardless of skin color, religion, or political party; until these lessons are embedded in our hearts, our nation, like those towers, can fall down around us.

Every year I remember those who died from the attacks on September 11th by flying my flag. I think I'll do that every year until I die. It was a defining moment (perhaps even THE defining moment) in my life when I realized how truly tenuous our hold is on everything that is good, and flying my flag on that day pledges my allegiance not only to my country, but to the God that guided her establishment. May God bless those families who lost loved ones that day, and may God bless America.

Footprints

When I look at this photo, I am reminded of our family's obsession with feet. It seems we are always taking pictures of our feet, usually in a circle wherever we are. Our shoes say so much about each of us. Stinky feet are common in our household, and it gets worse with prolonged wearing of shoes, so most of the time we're barefoot whenever we can. Of course, that leads to another problem...dirty feet. Can't have everything I guess!

This photo was taken at the beach. We each left our impression and then took a photo before the waves washed it away. It was loads of fun trying to get it all done in time. We had a blast!

I often think that our families and friends leave footprints in our hearts. We are in one another's lives, whether or not by choice, and we all have our characteristics and challenges that sometimes can drive those we live with and love absolutely batty. We also, hopefully, have positive traits that make life more meaningful and happy. Some people dance in our hearts leaving delightful memories and joyous, light prints. There are those who run into our lives and just as quickly dash back out, their prints giving us brief, brilliant connections. Others take a leisurely stroll, walking side by side with us through a variety of challenges, steady, careful, and loving. Sometimes we encounter those who clown around, and bring laughter and silliness into our hearts. Then there are individuals who stomp around and leave deep scars and impressions that can't easily be washed away.

Just ask yourself: What kind of footprints are you leaving?

Which came first?

Chickens! Eggs! In our case, I happen to know it was the chickens...little itty bitty fluff balls that have turned into productive, happy hens. We have nine...two barred rocks, three americauna's, and four rhode island reds. After the chickens came the eggs...tons of them! Our eggs are brown, pink and green. We keep the yard free of chemicals and we don't feed our chickens anything that doesn't come from the earth, and it goes without saying that I don't inject them with any antibiotics. They're healthy, happy and organic!

I built the coop myself. I had NO idea what I was doing, and I had never built anything out of wood by myself. I think it turned out pretty well. It has a roost on on the left side as you're looking at it, and on the right are the nesting boxes. They stay in the coop overnight for safety, and they remain in the coop until about 3in the afternoon when the dogs go in their kennel and the chickens get free run of yard. The chickens put themselves in the coop at night...all we have to do is close the door and secure it.

We have found that chickens are quite fun...watching them run is hilarious, as they run like girls in high heels. And when one finds a grub or some other treat in the yard and tries to sneak off to eat it alone somewhere, invariably one of the other chickens spots it and there's a squawking, maniacal race across the yard. They will hop up to pick berries or cherries or any other yummy looking fruit. They dig holes (worse than dogs, I tell ya!) and they keep pests and weeds under control.

What I love best about chickens is what they teach me about life. No matter how dusty or worthless a spot appears to be to me, those chickens will keep scratching around in the dirt, certain that if they look long enough, they will find a treat. And what do you know, they're right! Sometimes I need to be reminded that just because it seems like all I'm doing is scratching around in the dirt, I can rest assured that there are "treats" to be found. The blessings are there! They've also taught me that life is full of unexpected things, and that it's best to be prepared to hop, dig, and run on a moment's notice so as to seize the opportunity as it comes.

First Day of School 2010-2011

Here are my little sweeties! Kelly is a sophomore, Joe is an 8th grader, Laine is in 6th grade, and Johnny is in 4th. We feel a bit frazzled, as we always do on the first day of school, but it will pass. Love to all my friends and family out there!

Dragonflies and thieves

Today has been an up and down day for me. I woke up just before my alarm went off this morning to the sound of a bunch of marbles falling from Johnny's bed to the floor, or so I thought. When I went into the boys' room to wake them up, I realized there wasn't any debris on the floor, and immediately knew it was something else. I opened the front door, and sure enough, the passenger side window on my car had been shattered. I knew without looking that my purse had been stolen. Car locked, porch light on, alarm set, parked near my front door, and still, we'd been robbed.

I called the sheriff and began making the string of calls necessary to cancel credit cards and my ATM card, stopping payment on checks, ordering replacement everything. Kelly was leaving for youth conference this morning, so we had to arrange alternate transportation for her to be able to leave on time. In my wallet, critical receipts for medical expenses, cash for food/clothes/school supplies, one of my two rings, an irreplaceable memory card with family photos on it, and who knows what else.

I found myself annoyed not only with the thief, but with the people who asked incredulously...you left your purse in your car? As if it was somehow my fault that some criminal decided that what was mine should be his/hers and broke my car window to obtain it. Our society's morals and values have deteriorated to the point that the victim gets blamed for what the criminal does. Yes, it would have been responsible of me to bring my purse in and not TEMPT that poor helpless thief in the first place but I forgot. How does that make me the bad guy? Maybe it does. Or perhaps it's kind of like asking if I'm my brother's keeper?

Yet today, I have been reminded again and again how blessed I am. Orange dragonflies that brought to mind the beauty of the earth; The painful images of the families in China trying to find flood survivors that made me realize how much I truly have to be grateful for; The peace I felt knowing that I had followed the recommendations of the prophet and had emergency cash as well as a food supply to get me through the end of the month; The support of wonderful friends and family to help me take care of the thousands of details; A family home evening lesson by my 11 year old daughter on serving others; The blessing of discovering that what I had initially thought might be an expensive repair on my cooler turned out to be an easy (and free) fix; And yes, even the actions of a thief, who is helping me to be humble without even knowing it. I'm sure there are many, many more lessons to be learned (and relearned) as I examine this day.

How grateful I am for the church and its blessings in my life. I know God loves me and is patiently teaching me. I hope that whatever the purpose of this event in my life, that it may also be an instrument in the life of the thief to somehow bring him or her to God. And I hope that whether the Lord sends me dragonflies or thieves, that I will be humble and willing enough to listen.

Davis, CA - Our visit with Erin & Nick

We went to Davis to hang out with Erin and Nick. We walked the streets of Davis, spent some time wandering around the campus, bowled, laughed and giggled, and did a little unpacking. The kids LOVE their sister and her husband, as well as their two adorable dogs, Gracie and Widget. We all really liked Davis. It's very pedestrian and bike friendly, and has lots of public transportation. There are lots of interesting places to hang out. I noticed a lot of eastern food...korean, thai, chinese, japanese, etc.

They live in a tiny apartment, so we set up two air mattresses on the floor for the kids and I slept on the couch. It was fun and noisy. I had to explain to the kids what that funny, sickening smell was coming from across the way (pot) as I was running to the bathroom. For some reason that stuff always makes me vomit.


This is Nick at the bowling alley, waiting for his turn. He's always very patient with the kids, even when they're having issues. Not that that ever happens. (ahem)



This is Erin, displaying her usual sunny and wonderful disposition. She is an amazing young lady, and it's fun to see her move in a new direction as she gets ready to start her first semester at Davis. We all adore her!!



Joe and Johnny were stuck on my team. We all rolled LOTS of gutter balls.



One of the highlights for the kids was being able to take bubble baths in Erin's bathtub. We don't have a bath tub at our house...all showers, so they really like to play when they have the chance.

San Francisco Area

Anyone who knows me knows that this is where I feel most at home...anywhere there are trees, creeks, forests, vistas and beauty.

This is a creek in the John Muir wilderness. Beautiful!


Joe and Johnny found a convenient rock to climb. You can just tell these two brothers love each other. Warms my heart!


The kids taking a rest from the hike in the John Muir wilderness. The trees in the area are amazing and beautiful. We heard there were deer, but we didn't see any. We did see lots of people!


A friendly fellow hiker took our picture so I could actually be in a photo with the kids. We thought these trees were perfect for a nice summer photo. I'd love to come back when it's cold and foggy and see what it looks like here.


Kelly snapped this photo as we went over the Golden Gate Bridge. Did you know there's a "bridge thermometer" that shows the level of the bridge as the temperature gets warmer and colder? The expansion and contraction of the support wires makes the bridge rise when it's cold and lower when it's warm. Pretty cool, huh? I love science.


We walked down to the waterfront from the Golden Gate Visitor's Center and followed the shoreline to check out these boats/ships. We went on a big sail boat and the tug boat. Johnny and I could have spent all day exploring these. That's me in the green jacket, by the way. :-) Nice view of my back.


The kids in front of a statue in the park.


We really enjoyed exploring the community garden. It was full of flowers and vegetables and was quite a miserable reminder to me of how much I stink at gardening, even though I love it. Aren't those red poppies amazing?


The kids were playing dead here. (Don't ask me...it was their idea.)


Joe practicing his oration skills near the statue of the senator. He looks pretty convincing, huh? Joe was saying, "Whoa...my hands are made out of cement!" We all laughed.