Tick-tock, tick-tock

Are we really at the last two weeks of no school? ((sigh)) I remember as a kid, I LOVED school and couldn't wait for it to start. I even took summer school, and not because I had to. But now as a mom, I treasure the days of summer. I love having my kids home all day, and having the freedom to let them sleep late, or go do things on impulse. This is likely to be my last summer that I'll be able to be at home with them all day, so it's a bittersweet time, to say that least.

With kids in four different schools, life during the school year gets hectic and crazy. Managing homework, projects, meetings at schools, events, extra-curricular activities, early morning seminary, scouts, mutual, piano lessons, practice, and the daily grind of life...it can all be just a bit much. Every minute is scheduled, every moment is precious. Watching these beautiful children grow up right in front of me, seeing time slip away while the kids are doing busywork...it's an emotional thing.

Still, I'm grateful to have smart, funny, talented and loving children who make my heart so very happy. I never knew before I became a mom what that would mean to my heart and soul. Perhaps having children helps us understand what our Father in Heaven feels as he watches us leave his arms and get wrapped up in the business of life. I have been very blessed.

Would you drink from the toilet?

This is our cat Poppy, enjoying a tasty summertime treat! I think he's such a great cat. He is well loved by all of us. He's smart and entertaining. And, I might add, well cared for. He has a big bowl of water up on his favorite window sill, freshened every day for his drinking pleasure. Yet, still, the toilet water. Go figure!

It got me to thinking...do we do this at times? Of course I don't mean literally drinking out of the toilet...but do we sometimes settle for less than we could enjoy if we were willing to go a bit further? Reach (or jump) a little higher? Do we accept the dregs because we haven't opened our eyes to other possibilities?

It's nice to occasionally take stock of where things are in our lives and evaluate them. Are they still important to us? What benefit are they bringing to our lives? Is there something else that would be preferred? Are the people you surround yourself with the kind of people that help you avoid drinking from the toilet? And finally...ask yourself, what small step will I take today to bring my life closer to where I want it to be?

Today. We spend so much effort thinking about what happened yesterday, or worrying about what will happen tomorrow that we lose sight of the power of today. The "right now." Really, that is all we are ever promised. Why spend it drinking from the toilet?

Check out the MOON!

I went out to run a quick errand tonight and discovered the moon in all its glory. Wow! It's moments like that that touch my soul and make me glad for this brief life upon the earth.

My kids always tell me I'm obsessed with the sky, and perhaps they are right. Some of my earliest memories were of stargazing at my grandparents' home in the desert. We would watch for satellites and shooting stars. I'm prone to wake up late at night or in the very early morning, dragging or carrying a half asleep child in one arm and a big comforter in the other out to the backyard. On our backs, cuddled up for warmth (even in the summer), we talk about life, the universe and everything. Almost always we talk about God and our Savior, and the beauty of the world created by them. We, too, look for satellites and shooting stars.

I remember reading in the Bible about the new star that shone on the night Christ was born. I looked out my window on Christmas eve at the stars when I was young, pondering what it must have been like to be present at his birth, to see angels descending from heaven singing praises.

I can also recall many camping trips with the kids. The routine seldom varies. We watch the stars come out from inside our sleeping bags. In our tent we sing hymns and pray and tell scary stories. Ultimately, we always came back to how amazing the universe is, and what God wanted us to know by looking at the works of his hands.

It's not just the night sky, but the day time sky too! Sunrises, sunsets, clouds...they call out to me to pay attention! They say, each in their own unique way, "Be still and know that I am God."

I look to the skies whenever I am in turmoil, or sad, or broken hearted. I find comfort there. I turn to the skies whenever my heart is joyful, and peaceful, and glad, and I find it mirrored there. I am so grateful that the Lord uses his canvas to proclaim his love and concern. Check out the sky! Who knows what notes He has written there just for you??

A Visit to Morro Bay

We couldn't take the heat last Monday, and decided to run away to Morro Bay. If you can't stand the heat, get out of the valley, right? We had a full van...the kids and I, Nick and Erin, and their friend, Whitney, plus our little dog Syrah. It was Syrah's first trip to the ocean.


On our way there, we encountered some unexpected wildlife....is that a t-rex on the horizon?? This yard was full of ancient critters, one of which looked like it was about to eat a horse. The horse was surprisingly calm, given the presence of these predators!



The main event! We were greeted with fog, and we couldn't have been happier! It was so cool that we had to don sweatshirts. We were reveling in being cold!!



Digging in the dirt is so much fun! Kelly and the boys love making holes.


We spent a lot of time climbing rocks...the kids and I had a great time doing it, too. Even Syrah was surprisingly good at navigating up and over the rocks. I think she was most interested in the birds, but judging by her nose activity, there were all kinds of interesting smells. We got sprayed by the ocean, watched a beautiful sunset and messed around for a few hours.


The boys quickly lost their sweatshirts and began to get really soaked, looking for crabs and clams, racing each other and the waves and generally forgetting all about hot Fresno.


Kelly is creative where ever she goes and whatever the medium. When I saw this, I busted up laughing. Don't we all feel a little like this some days?? Either we are too dense to figure things out or we are feeling like we're being crushed under the weight of all our troubles. Fortunately, there's another rock we can depend on in such situations...the rock of our Redeemer!


I spent most of my time walking/running with Syrah on her leash. She was having so much fun sniffing everything, and after a while, she stopped running away from the waves. She might have been persuaded by watching a black lab running in and out of the water. She was very comfortable with the water after that.



On our way out, I just had to snap this final vista shot. I am always amazed at the beauty of the world. The Lord loves us and has created so much beauty and variety for us to enjoy. The world around me is a temple that I get to have with me all the time, and if I just open my eyes and let it speak to my soul, I can hear his love for us loud and clear!!

Zoo Pics

We took the missionaries to the zoo a several weeks ago (just now getting around to uploading the photos), and it was a blast! The Fresno zoo just keeps getting better. I've been a member since I moved here, and I've seen a lot of progress. My kids grew up loving these animals, watching the bird show, eating at breakfast with the animals. When they were little, I had one or two strollers in tow. Now I practically need a stroller just to keep up. :-)


Here's a photo of the boys feeding a giraffe. It's such a fun activity to do...I'm amazed at how long their tongues are!




Kelly thinks this giraffe is going to kiss her!



Our favorite exhibit is the Stingray Bay exhibit. We could spend all day here! I love the feel of the stingrays, and we enjoy trying to get them to eat off of our hands. When there are a lot of people who want to feed them like there were this day, then it's harder to get them to take the food. Stingrays are some of my favorite of God's creations. I think they're amazing!






Kelly's action shot of Joe. They were messing around trying to get the right photo. This is what life is like with photo and video hungry kids! I'm glad they have fun, and that we get to capture it for posterity.




This reminds me of when my kids were REALLY little. They've loved this sculpture for a long time, and fortunately they love each other, too. When I look at them now, they're at that scary phase where I can still see the babies I loved and kissed, and the adults they're turning into. Please, God...help me do this right!!



Most of the missionaries who were at the zoo with us made it into this photo. I loved our day together! After the zoo, we took the "Hermanas" with us to In-N-Out and had a fun time just chatting.

Pics from 29 Palms

We visited my parents at the end of June. Mostly we just hung out and ate. Mom's soup....yum! My youngest brother was there, and he's looking good, too. The group photos of my parents and our family are all on their camera. However, here's some photos my daughter and I took of our trip.



We visited with Doug and Clary and their kids up in the Monument (oops...I mean the National Park). They went rock climbing at Indian Cove. Brings back memories of when I was a kid!


We celebrated Joe's birthday while we were at my parents' home. This was Joe's cake. Cool, huh?


Say "Hello" to the Gecko!



Kelly fell in love with this little gecko! He's on my parents' coffee table.


Here's three of the kids having a tooth brushing party! :-)

I also dropped in on my friend Kristi at work, and it was so great to see her! She just looks better and better as time goes by! I hope some of it rubbed off on me while I was there. :-)

My daughter, nearly 15, couldn't resist this opportunity...sidewalk chalk, and an empty street with lots of "STOP" marks. When I saw this photo on my computer, it made me think about the times when we DO stop believing...in others, in our dreams, in ourselves. I'm thinking my daughter (and Journey) had it right...Don't stop believin'!

There are more than enough negative voices in the world. Few of us need another person telling us where we are messing up. What we need is to hear (and believe) in the positive ones! And we need to turn that little critic in our heads into a force for change and good in our lives. The effect of giving ourselves and others positive feedback is more than just a pep talk. When you have something good to say or share, and you take the opportunity to make it real by saying it aloud, you give it power. You make it more than just noise in your mind...you give it direction and allow it to influence your path as well as the paths of others around you.

When I reach the end of my existence on this earth, what I hope people will say about me is that I tried to uplift and encourage others. (I'm still working on how to do this for myself!). What I hope they remember about me is that I made them see and feel their own genuine worth. Now I'm not talking about meaningless, pump-up-the-ego nonsense, nor that false self esteem from empty compliments. I'm talking about really seeing both the reality and the potential in others, and speaking those things that are both true and meaningful. When we are more positive with others, they can pass that positive energy along to those they encounter, and together we can create a wave of goodness, kindness, and truth that builds up the greatness in those we meet. We can help people believe in themselves and in their dreams.

In the process, we may even discover that we facilitated our own dreams. Now wouldn't that be something worth stopping for!!

Near Miss

Last night, I chaperoned a dance for church youth in our area. I took Laine (to avoid the inevitable war between her and Johnny) and she and I baked cookies at the dance. We had a good time, and the dance was packed. Kelly invited her friend Franny, who is not a member of our church, and we stayed til the event was over.

After the closing prayer we headed home. We were stopped at the intersection of Barstow and First, waiting for the green light. It was about 11:15 pm, and the traffic was very light. The girls were singing and making a ruckus, and the light turned green. I stepped on the accelerator, and for some reason, my foot slid right off. I've been driving for almost 25 years, and that's never happened to me. I looked down, thinking "What the heck?" then looked back up quickly, and right in front of me, two inches from my bumper, a truck went past going 45 or 50, who had run the red light.

I knew instantly that our lives had been preserved by God. I failed to see the truck due to the obstruction of the vehicle beside me, and he failed to stop. If I had accelerated as planned, we would have been in the hospital or dead. Guardian angels at work! We all thanked God that we were safe, and I drove very slowly all the way home because I was shaking so badly. At first, my mind was filled with the near miss...trying to determine exactly what had happened. But afterward, I began to ponder what would have happened if we hadn't been protected, and it became a wake-up call. If I had died, had I properly prepared my children to be successful spiritually? Had I prepared them to be healthy, wise, responsible adults? Had I taught them right from wrong? And what of my own efforts...had I put first things first in my life?

I knew I was getting carried away when I began to wonder....Who would miss me if I was suddenly gone, other than my children? Would anyone come to my funeral?

Nevertheless, because of what happened last night, I am recommitted to being a better parent/family member, a better role model, a more thoughtful friend, a good citizen, and a better human being. I am determined to put forth more effort into drawing closer to God and my Savior, to being more like Jesus. I am so grateful for this life upon this earth. Despite my mistakes, my hard-headedness, and all the things I've done wrong, I know I want to be with him, and I know I can if I am humble, teachable, and give myself to loving others and God.

I'm grateful for the knowledge I have that I am a daughter of God. I'm grateful for the truths He has taught me, for His grace and his patience. I pray he helps me get it right!

Moments that move

I thought I'd write about a few moments that have moved me this last few weeks.

My youngest son struggles when his feelings are "too big" for his body. The other day, the kids were teasing him, and he could sense he was beginning to lose control. He ran to hug me, and cried out, "Make it stop, Momma!" I could feel his body shaking at first and then calm down as he regained control, but he didn't stop hugging me. It touched my heart so much that I almost cried. I know he needs to learn to stop himself when his feelings start to escalate. For now, he needs me to be his safe haven. How I wish it was easier to manage our feelings! I am committed to teaching all of the kids how to be patient with others, speak kindly, and be responsible for how we feel, but it is so hard!

On Saturday, my daughter Laine called me on the phone and was in emotional distress. I was riding in the car with my oldest daughter, so I had the phone on speakerphone, meaning Kelly could hear the conversation. My youngest daughter admitted that when she was in 3rd grade (2 years ago), a boy had asked her if he could be her boyfriend, and she said yes. She said she didn't understand what that meant until I had spoken to her on Friday, playing with her and telling her that no matter how many boys thought she was cute, that she wasn't to have a boyfriend until she was 16. She told that boy right away that she couldn't be his girlfriend anymore, but then found herself unable to sleep all night because she had broken a rule. She was crying and telling me how sorry she was on the phone, and again, my heart was moved by her desire to do what was right and make things right. And then, Kelly, hearing her distress, told Laine that it was okay and that she loved her. I was almost in tears myself at that point, because Kelly and Laine don't exactly get along well, and for her to tell Laine spontaneously that she loved her just made my heart melt.

I find myself deeply connected to my children's individual struggles. As they get older and have to take more and more responsibility for their own choices, and as we get glimpses of some of the things they will have to overcome in their lives, I find myself being moved to prayer and reflection, trying to find ways to build their faith and reinforce their good choices. I'm so grateful for having good kids! I hope I can be the mom they need, the refuge they need, to keep growing up in the Lord.

Being the Mom

Sometimes, being the mom stinks. Literally.

Poor Laine's lifelong battle with stomach aches, nausea, fatigue, and bowel issues have now moved to center stage. This year, her problems have become more frequent and severe, and I finally got tired of the doctor's advice...variously: more fiber, stop dairy products, give yogurt with cultures to get rid of the diarrhea, keep a food diary, determine which foods cause a reaction,reduce her stress. I demanded that we narrow down what is going on with her body, because her frequent stomach aches, exhaustion and diarrhea have been causing her much distress as well as leading to missed school.

So I found myself over the past two months taking stool samples, scooping poop (diarrhea and constipation) and stuffing into little bottles filled with equally nasty smelling chemicals, or smearing it onto cardboard. "Scrape along the surface of the stool" the instructions say. What stool, I want to know? What is the "surface" of diarrhea? We've been to the lab so frequently for blood work that Laine is beginning to laugh at the jokes the lab techs make. Seriously, if you knew how bad those jokes were....

After a string of negative results, one of the blood tests came up positive. Laine tested positive for Crohn's disease. So we were referred to a specialist. We have Kaiser, but Kaiser's specialist happens to also work at Children's Hospital and is well respected. Upon reviewing Laine's history, she said that Laine's symptoms match up to Crohn's and the test was positive, but that there are some other "markers" they look for that aren't present. Laine will need to undergo a Esophagogastroduodenoscopy and a colonoscopy. Basically, the doctor will take a camera with a blade attached and look inside of Laine's digestive system to see if there is inflammation present. They will look for ulcers and bleeding, as well as polyps, unusual growths, or swelling. The good news is that Laine will be sedated, and they will do the exam at Children's where all they do is children. The big day will be May 24th.

The day before the exam, we have to administer medicine to Laine to make her clear out her bowels, as well as make sure she consumes one 8 oz glass (til the whole gallon is gone) every 10 minutes of this nasty salt water stuff. She can only have clear liquids the whole day, nothing red or purple. And they've kindly given us something to give her before she drinks all that mess to ensure she won't vomit.

I really hope the test was a false positive. I would hate for Laine to have a lifelong chronic illness that can put her in the hospital. I'm praying hard and I hope that you will too. I hope that we can find out what is wrong so we can try to put things right. In the meantime, we still have one more stool sample to do. Any volunteers??